New Guy
by HafNielsen
Summary: I have added a new character to liven things up.
1. Chapter 1

My take on Body of Proof:

Base story lines are pretty good, but the CSI/detective/police show is a crowded space these days. There isn't much to make this show stand out. The "woman in a man's job" angle was a boost to Mary Tyler Moore, but kind of late to the party now. The sub-plots initially were often kind of flat, and not helped at all by airing out of sequence. I expected to have more of a fight about Kate dating Todd. Instead it falls flat with "We're all adults here." Seriously?

Casablanca, original: "All the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, and she walks in to mine."

Casablanca, BoP style: "We're all adults here, Sam. If Miss Lund wants to date someone new, that's her prerogative."

When you set up for fireworks, light the fuse.

My solution to this is to create a new character whose raison d'etre is to infuriate Dr. Hunt. Nobody in the office really seems capable of standing up to her, so this guy will. A relatively minor character who lives in the sub-plots in order to liven things up. He will generally follow the rules, but try to find areas in which nobody ever thought to make a rule against what he wants to do.

Style is not narrative, just something that could be inserted into a larger script. Mostly composed during the holiday break mid-season 2, so later plot development may invalidate some elements.

Bonus points if anybody can figure out why I picked the name "Barry Gray" for somebody working in a morgue.

Scene: conference room in the ME's office. Kate Murphy, and a new guy, Barry Gray. Barry is an average-looking guy in hist late forties or early fifties, preferably kind of big, something over 6 feet.

Barry: "Thank you for meeting with me, Dr. Murphy, though I wasn't expecting to be sent to the medical examiner's office. I have the unfortunate feeling that human resources may have see the term 'forensics' on my resumé and come to the wrong conclusion. Data forensics is probably not your line of work."

Kate: "It's true that our forensic examiners tend to work more with physical materials than data forensics, but we are seeing more of a need for that. As long as they sent you here, we may as well see if you could be of any help. Never hurts to expand the scope of my empire a little. I am concerned that your resumé is rather thin."

Barry: "I was recruited by a federal agency straight out of college. Unfortunately, I can't talk much about the specifics of what I did. On the other hand, I put in my time and retired fairly young with a good pension, so I am willing to work pretty inexpensively to enhance the resumé in ways that I could talk to other potential clients about. I was hoping that law enforcement agencies might be more understanding about why I can't give the specifics of my background. I can talk about my skills, just not about the job."

Kate: "All right, tell me about your skills and how you could help us."

Barry: "I am good at data recovery, even from computers and devices that someone might have thought had been erased. Analysis of social media, electronic devices, communications intercepts, password cracking, that sort of thing I have done. Also, signal traffic analysis."

Kate: "What is that?"

Barry: "It isn't always necessary to listen in on the message to gain intelligence. I can glean a great deal just from knowing who your social network is, knowing who you call, when, things like that. Give me somebody's cell phone and I can likely tell you a lot about them."

Kate: "All right."

(hands him her cell phone)

Kate: "Show me."

Barry: "Right now?"

Kate: "You're so good, let's see you work."

Barry: "It's not instantaneous, you know."

Kate: "I have a little time. Some places give tests to applicants. This seems like a good test."

Barry: "All right. You'll forgive me for not doing all the things the interview coaches say to do, like maintaining eye contact."

(takes out a notebook)

Barry (looking at phone): "While I work on this, what can you tell me about the department? How big is the staff? What is the work like?"

Kate: "We are a regional forensics center, so we have a larger staff than the typical county office. It is more cost-effective for surrounding counties to send work to us than for each one to maintain a full staff of forensic experts. I am the chief medical examiner, and I have a deputy ME, Dr. Curtis Brumfield. Forensic pathologist, Dr. Ethan Gross, and another medical examiner, Dr. Megan Hunt, a former neurosurgeon. We have a former police officer and medical investigator, Peter Dunlop, and we work closely with the homicide unit of the police department."

Barry: "Curtis, Ethan, Megan and Peter are in your address book because they work for you."

Kate: "Dazzling. You have so far uncovered the department list by the front door."

Barry (annoyed): "I'm just getting started. What accomplishments are you proud of?"

Kate: "We have an outstanding record in disposing of cases. The staff is very talented. And I've managed to get funding for some very state-of-the-art equipment this year."

Barry: "Looked like I saw a pretty pricey mass spec analysis unit as I walked in. County labs don't usually get those kind of toys. That's for university research labs and the like."

Kate: "We got the contract to do work for the state crime unit. Part of the reason I might need more field staff. Curtis and Ethan have more lab work than they used to."

Barry: "Makes sense. How well does our little family get along?"

Kate: "Fairly well, all things considered. Maybe one prickly personality."

Barry: "Megan."

Kate: "Why would you say that?"

Barry: "She's the former neurosurgeon. Probably used to being the star of the show, always being right, and wants everyone to acknowledge her brilliance."

Kate: "I'll let you make your own decisions once you meet people."

Barry: "Come to think of it, why would a neurosurgeon work here?"

Kate: "She was injured in an accident and developed paresthesia in her hands, which makes it difficult for her to operate."

Barry (puzzled look): "Ah. Hmmm... Lacey is a minor, but not your kid. Megan's daughter?"

Kate (slightly startled): "Yes. You can tell that?"

Barry: "I told you that I can tell a lot about a person from their phone."

(he frowns)

Barry: "Something I'd like to check. Would you mind if I interrupt and make a call from my phone?"

Kate: "Knock yourself out."

(he dials his cell, listens)

Barry: "Oh, I'm sorry. I seem to have the wrong number. I was trying to reach the highway department."

Kate: "Care to tell me what that was about?"

Barry (hesitantly): "Not really. When exactly did you guys get the mass spec?"

Kate: "About six months ago. What does that have to do with my cell phone?"

Barry: "Maybe nothing. Maybe a lot."

(he frowns)

Barry: "You know, I think maybe this little test might have been a mistake. It might be better if I shopped my resumé with another department."

(hands her back her cell phone)

Kate: "Couldn't find anything?"

Barry: "More like too much. I can show myself out."

Kate: "Hold it. I asked you for an analysis, I want the analysis."

Barry: "You won't like it."

Kate: "I'm a big girl. I cut open dead bodies. Spill."

Barry: "OK. You asked for it. I'm just a little concerned that the ME's office is the perfect place to cover up a murder."

Kate: "Still waiting."

Barry: "All right."

(gets up, walks over to white board)

Barry: "Cell phone analysis. Subject: Dr. Kate Murphy, Chief Medical Examiner"\

(starts drawing)

Barry: "An interesting timeline of events. First of all, prior to six months or so ago, I see calls to the theater, upscale restaurants, presumably to make reservations, that sort of thing. Suddenly, big drop-off in that, and what little is left is pizza, Chinese take-out, a bowling alley – definitely a step down."

Kate: "What do you make of that?"

Barry: "Drastic change in relationship status. Curious, too, because most of the time, it is the man in a dating relationship who makes the dinner reservations."

Kate: "Maybe the world isn't as sexist as you are."

Barry: "If the world were as nice as all that, you wouldn't have a job. Interestingly, this change matches up with a sudden loss of contact with somebody listed as 'CW'. Another interesting tidbit is that although you have a work and cell number for this CW, the cell calls were always incoming, and almost always after 6pm. You never, ever called CW on his cell."

Kate (starting to look concerned): "So?"

Barry: "Somebody didn't want a significant other finding out you were calling. I called the work number. State senator's office. Married state senator. Whose wife's family money bankrolls his political campaigns."

Kate: "What are you trying to say?"

Barry: "Looks to me as though you enjoyed spending time with this guy. Google search shows he heads up the appropriations committee. I'll bet if I checked, that mass spec was paid for with a state grant. Somewhere around that time, wifey got suspicious. He broke and ran. You decided you needed a diversion, so you took up with the ex-husband of a subordinate."

Kate: "How could you know that?"

Barry: "Almost immediately after you broke up with CW, you start having a lot of contact with somebody named Todd. Contact with Lacey starts shortly afterward. Once, she sent you a text that she couldn't find her mother. Your next phone calls were to Megan, Todd, and a middle school. Lacey is a kid, Megan and Todd are her parents."

Kate (defensively): "Lacey was sick, and trying to get in touch with her mom. As her mother's supervisor, I was the next person she tried."

Barry: "I hope your court testimony is more polished than this, or there are a lot of guilty guys who are gonna walk. You had a relationship with a state senator, and when that blew up, you needed cover. You took up with Megan's ex, knowing that gossip like that would make it around the office at warp 7, and that if any p.i. hired by the wife came snooping around, all he would get would be an earful about what a bad idea it was to date the guy who used to be married to Megan. Todd is not really your cup of tea. You'd rather hang with the upscale and politically influential. Eventually, when the coast was clear, you dumped him."

Kate (angry): "Mr. Gray, this story you've concocted..."

Barry: "Just my interpretation of the data. Could be wrong. But it's obvious that even a rumor of your relationship with the senator would kill any further political ambitions you have. Call me sexist if you want, but politically this is somehow worse for you than it would be for a guy. If the press got wind of it, you're finished. This is all about how you managed to salvage your political future."

(Kate stands up, furious)

Kate (icily): "For your information, Mr. Gray, it is no longer necessary for a talented woman to sleep her way up the political ladder. I believe I've had enough of your gossipy speculation. There are plenty of bright, ambitious women in this state who advance on merit. You are rude, sexist, offensive, and your entire tawdry little story is an affront to me and this office. This interview is over."

Barry (rips pages of his notebook): "Very well. Instead of sending a cute little 'Thanks for the interview' card, I'll just gift you with the notes I was making. Shred them. Don't forget to thoroughly erase the whiteboard, yourself, after I leave. I'd write something innocuous like a meeting schedule over the top of it if I were you. And one more thing."

Kate (still frosty): "Yes?"

Barry: "Nowhere in your tirade did I hear an actual denial. In case you thought I wouldn't pick up on that. Just tell HR I was 'overqualified'. Be happy that I have a lot of experience in keeping official secrets. Yours is safe."

(he starts for the door. Kate looks thoughtful.)

Kate: "Mr. Gray?"

(he stops, turns)

Barry: "Yes, Dr. Murphy?"

Kate (thawing): "Why don't you stop by the department staff meeting Wednesday at nine? I can't add you on staff, but I have some budget for contract employees."

Barry: "Glazed OK?"

Kate: "What?"

Barry: "Don't you know anything about running a meeting? New guy always brings the donuts."

Kate (laughs a little): "Glazed will be fine."

(he leaves. She slumps down into a chair, sighs, looks worried, maybe shakes her head)

(end scene)


	2. Chapter 2

Scene: ME conference room, full-time staff in attendance.

Kate: "Next item on the agenda is a new part-time contract employee, Barry Gray. Barry used to work at the federal level, and has experience with data forensics, signal intelligence, that sort of thing. We're going to give him sort of a trial run here and see if he can help out with some of our investigations."

(general round of "Hi, Barry")

Kate: "Please go around the table and introduce yourselves."

Barry: "Not really necessary."

Kate: "What?"

Barry: "I didn't advertise myself as a data forensics specialist because I win at solitaire. I already know the names and background of the full-time staff."

(starts pointing)

Barry: "Dr. Murphy, of course; Dr. Brumfield, Dr. Hunt, Dr. Gross, and Mr. Dunlop. Ethan, you're over the limit on your Visa card."

Ethan (jolted): "What?"

Barry: "Kidding."

(turns to Dani)

Barry: "You weren't on the department list."

Dani: "Dani. Dani Alvarez. I'm a driver. Part-time."

Kate: "OK then, I guess you have all had an introduction as to how this man operates."

Barry: "As the new guy, I brought some refreshments."

(removes items from a large shopping bag, sets them on the table)

Barry: "Mountain Dew and donuts. Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

(Dani laughs. Megan and Kate look disgusted. Curtis and Ethan look at each other, concerned that this is not going to end well.)

Megan: "Ewww. How can you stand to drink that stuff with donuts?"

Barry: "Well, I don't really. Goes better with pizza. But if I bring it in now, it'll be cold by the time I have to go out on a night run some time."

Megan (opening the box of donuts): "These donuts are square."

Barry: "There a problem with that? Your religion doesn't allow you to eat square donuts or something?"

Megan: "No, I just never saw square donuts before. Why would you bring in square donuts?"

Barry: "Sort of a square peg, round hole guy myself sometimes. Consider it part of the introduction."

Megan: "You're too weird."

(takes a bite)

Megan: "Mm, these are really good, though."

Curtis: "The man knows his crullers."

Kate: "Barry, I'll need your cell number for off-hours. We get called out at odd times around here."

Barry: "I printed out my landline, cell number and email on some cards for everybody. I can fix your computers, too."

Megan: "Let me put your number in my cell so I can call you the next time my PC dies."

(she punches in the numbers, then calls him)

Barry: "Now?"

Megan: "Just answer it."

(he gets out his phone, answers)

Barry: "Kate's Body Shop. Do you need a tow (toe), or just the tag?"

Dani laughs. Peter is amused. Curtis and Ethan look at each other as though they need a place to hide. Kate and Megan look appalled.

Megan: "How's that again?"

Barry: "What? I knew it was you from caller ID. I could see you. It's not like it was going to turn out to be the Pope."

Kate (a little frosty): "Mr. Gray."

Barry: "Yes?"

Kate: "In the future, you will under no circumstances refer to the medical examiner's office as 'Kate's Body Shop'. Is that understood?"

Barry: "Yes, ma'am."

Megan: "Let's try this again."

(she hits redial)

Barry: "County morgue and frozen foods. Come see what we have for you on ice."

(Ethan and Curtis start backing up their chairs. Megan is furious.)

Kate: "Not an improvement, Mr. Gray. Leave the ME's office out of your announcements, or leave the ME's office."

Barry: "Got it."

(Megan, still angry, hits re-dial. This is now a duel.)

Barry: "Barry's Bait Shop and Sashimi. It's not like anybody can really tell the difference."

Megan glares at Barry. Kate is suppressing a smile.

Megan: "Still unprofessional. Try again."

(she hits redial again)

Barry: "Ed's ER and tavern. We fix what ails (ales) you."

Kate, seeing Megan's annoyance, is trying really hard not to laugh. Megan is furious.

Megan: "Mr. Gray..."

Barry: "What? Did you think if you kept dialing I was going to run out? I have an infinite supply. And why do you care how I answer my personal phone?"

Megan: "There is a certain standard of professionalism expected in this office, and..."

Kate reaches over and takes Megan's hand off her phone.

Kate: "Maybe we'll just close the meeting at this point. Everyone get me your quarterly reports by the end of the week. Curtis, why don't you and Ethan show Barry around the lab?"

They jump at the chance to be out of the Megan blast zone. All three exit the meeting room, Barry first. Dani follows.

Barry (mad scientist impersonation): "Come, Igor, let us proceed to the laboratory."

Ethan: "OK. Wait, who are you calling Igor?"

Barry: "Whoever responded to the name first. Guess it's you."

Curtis: "Hah. You're Igor."

Barry: "Like you're going to be better off if I call you Pumbaa."

Curtis: "Who's Pumbaa?"

Barry: "The warthog in Lion King."

Curtis: "You know, you really ought to try and make at least a couple of friends here before you rocket to the top of everyone's enemies list. I thought that meeting was going to finish with you on Dr. Hunt's table."

Dani: "I'll be your friend. I thought it was hilarious."

Barry: "Great. Just for that, you can be Queen Amidala."

Curtis: "You're a crazy fool. Who are you gonna be, Darth Vader?"

Barry: "That would be cool." (lowers his voice) "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Ethan: "Not bad. And Dani would make a beautiful Queen Amidala."

Barry: "In recognition of your support, I promote you from Igor to Han Solo."

Ethan: "Hey, cool."

(turns to Curtis)

"See, I got promoted already."

Curtis: "Don't get caught up in his craziness. You can't list a promotion to Han Solo on your resumé after Dr. Hunt gets you fired."

Dani: "I think it's about time we lightened up around here."

Barry: "Exactly. Just because it's a morgue doesn't mean we all have to act like a bunch of stiffs."

Dani laughs again.

Barry (to Dani): "I've been thinking I should have a padawan. Are you interested?"

Dani: "What's a padawan?"

Ethan (jumping in): "A padawan is a jedi apprentice."

Barry: "Here's a tip, Ethan: It is unlikely you will impress many women with an encyclopedic knowledge of science fiction movies."

Dani: "What would I have to do?"

Barry: "I don't know. Learn to use the Force. Fight with light sabers. Help the oppressed and dateless."

Ethan: "What?"

Barry: "Here's a project for you, padawan: Help Ethan learn how to deal with women."

Dani: "Hmm... He does have a kind of nerdy appeal already..."

Ethan: "This kind of help I can do without."

Barry: "Well, padawan, I know it might be a pretty big job, but see if you can get him a clue or two. Buy a vowel if you need to."

(motions, imitates Obiwan Kenobi)

"You will become a cool guy."

Barry and Curtis move through the lab while Dani and Ethan keep talking.

Barry: "The Force might be enough to levitate an X-wing fighter, but I don't know if it will be enough to help him."

Curtis: "It certainly won't be enough to help you if Dr. Hunt goes on the warpath."

Barry: "Yeah, jedi mind tricks only work on the weak-minded and easily influenced. Dr. Hunt will just brush them aside. Hey, want to see if I can levitate a mass spectrometer?"

Curtis: "You are not going to levitate anything in my lab. Nn-nnh. No sir."

Barry: "All right. Do you have equipment and procedures manuals? I don't want to screw anything up by accident."

Curtis: "You got that right."

Barry: "Nope. If I screw it up, I want it to be on purpose."

Curtis: "Mister, we have orderly procedures to follow around here..."

(Curtis begins a long lecture)

Cut to: Kate's office, later. Barry enters.

Barry (holds up several manuals): "Well, I have my light reading for the evening. By next week, I should be able to help out with some of the routine lab work if you get overloaded. You know, Dani is pretty sharp, I'll bet we could train her to do some things as well."

Kate: "What was all that phone nonsense about in the meeting?"

Barry: "First, you guys are way too solemn around here. The dead bodies are livelier. Just thought I would make things more interesting. Also thought I'd smoke out the control freaks the first day. Makes it easier to escape when you know who's going to have you in their sights."

Kate: "You definitely have at least one that I could think of."

Barry: "You and Megan are actually a lot alike. Maybe too much alike. You were both appalled at my lack of phone manners. But you took a secret delight in her annoyance, and that's why I'm still here."

Kate: "You're on mighty thin ice."

Barry: "Well then, consider this. Everyone was so focused on my personal antics that nobody thought to probe my past, or inquire how I got the job. The best way to avoid answering a question is to distract them from asking it in the first place, Dr. Murphy."

Kate: "You might be too clever for your own good. Megan will definitely have it in for you. And the donuts were good, but the idea of washing them down with Mountain Dew is just nauseating."

Barry: "I'd have thought people who cut open bodies would have stronger stomachs."

Kate: "Just used to different things, I guess."

Barry: "If you want me in here from time to time, I'll need desk space somewhere. And a computer, preferably with a better graphics card than you usually seem to use here. I've got equipment at home I could use, but it is better for chain of custody if we keep it all here."

Kate: "Going to challenge Ethan to video games?"

Barry: "No, I can use the multiple cores of a high-end video card for cracking encryption."

Kate: "I'll see what I can find. Now go home before Megan catches up with you, and you end up on the pointy end of her scalpel."

Barry: "Good idea. See you around."

(he exits)

Kate (goes back to paperwork, but shakes her head and bites down on a smile): "Kate's Body Shop. He's a piece of work."

(end scene)


	3. Chapter 3

Scene: Kate's office, or hallway, any place we can get in just a bit of dialog

Megan: "Is the new guy around? I have an autopsy to do, and I'd like to see how he holds up."

Kate: "You're not big enough to keep him from keeling over. Are you going to get Curtis or somebody to hang around in case he faints?"

Megan (smirking): "He can dish it out. Let's see if he can take it."

Kate: "I'm serious. I don't want any liability issues."

Megan: "Spoilsport. I'll keep an eye on him and make him sit down if he starts turning green."

Kate: "He might be over in the lab. I gave him a little space there. He's good with electronic equipment, I thought he could pitch in if Curtis or Ethan get overloaded."

Megan: "I'll find him."

(cut to Megan walking up on Barry)

Megan: "Hey! New Guy! You ever observe an autopsy?"

Barry: "Nope."

Megan: "Well, you have really been missing out. Come with me."

(they walk to the autopsy room)

Megan: "Put on this suit, gloves and mask so that you don't contaminate anything. As much as I would like to have DNA point to you as a suspect in a murder case, I don't tolerate sloppy procedures."

Barry: "I suppose eating a sandwich while I watch is a no go, then."

Megan (exasperated): "Yes, eating a sandwich in my morgue is out of the question. Pig."

Barry: "I was thinking roast beef, actually."

Megan: "I was referring to you, not the food. And eating a sandwich is especially forbidden the first time someone observes an autopsy. It can get kind of graphic. More people lose their lunch than keep it down."

Barry: "You know, when my wife had a Caesarean, I was in the delivery room. There was a surgical nurse who kept giving me the eye. I was pretty sure she was afraid she was going to have to catch me."

Megan: "What happened?"

Barry: "Nothing. My grandpa taught me how to clean fish when I was 7. My Cub Scout pack toured a meat packing plant when I was 9. Blood and guts all over the place. I'm sure you'd love for the petite woman to blithely go about her work while the big tough guy drops to the floor, but you might not get your way this time around. Try food poisoning next time."

Megan: "Don't tempt me."

Barry: "You know, my grandparents used to like blood sausage. It's exactly what you'd think. I had tremendous difficulty one time convincing some co-workers that it's a real thing. If it weren't for Google they'd still think I was making it up."

Megan (sighs): "Doesn't sound like you'll faint. You're a constant disappointment to me. All right, let's get started."

Barry: "This is me. Keepen das cotten-pickenen hans in das pockets, relaxen und watchen der blinkenlichten."

Megan: "What?"

Barry: "Fake German. Part of a joke sign they used to post in computer rooms."

Megan: "Enough joking around. See the sign up there?"

Barry: "It looks like Latin."

Megan: "It's our motto."

Barry: "I never took Latin. The ancient language I consider myself fluent in is FORTRAN."

Megan: "What?"

Barry: "Stalling. Let's see... Seems like something about a location where death, or the dead, rejoice to – I'm not sure – aid/comfort/assist maybe? - the living."

Megan: "Close enough. Learn it and live it."

(go on for whatever part of autopsy is part of the script.)


	4. Chapter 4

Scene: Lab. Curtis, Ethan, Barry. Ethan is demonstrating operating procedure for a piece of lab equipment.

Ethan: "So for the final step in the procedure, we take the test tube over here to the..."

(at this point, the test tube slips out of Ethan's tongs and falls into a trash can)

Ethan: "Oh, no! Now the sample is contaminated."

Barry: "Well, can't you get another one? This was just a paint sample. There must be more."

Ethan: "But we have to go out and get it, then process it. Dr. Hunt was expecting this analysis to be finished by now. What am I going to do?"

Curtis: "Maybe I could inject you with something and we could fake your death."

Ethan: "That sounds kind of dangerous."

Curtis: "Not as dangerous as telling Dr. Hunt you ruined the sample she needed."

Ethan: "Good point. Got any curare laying around?"

Barry: "You guys are wimps. Here she comes. Tell you what: I'll fall on the Dr. Hunt grenade. When you hear me talk in Latin, take off. Go get another sample."

Ethan (saluting): "It was nice working with you, Mr. Gray. I'll always remember your brave sacrifice."

(at this point, Megan enters the lab. We have seen her approach through the glass doors.)

Megan: "Ethan! Where's my analysis on that paint sample? Why are you guys just standing around here?"

Ethan: "Well..."

Barry: "Ethan was demonstrating usage of some of the lab equipment. We had a little issue with the sample."

Megan: "A little issue?"

(she comes over and gets in Barry's face. Curtis and Ethan are trying to surreptitiously move toward the door.)

Megan: "What did you do?"

Barry: "I didn't touch anything. It's just one of those little things that happens once in a while. Used to refer to it by the Latin phrase 'Canis meus id comedit.'"

(Megan starts puzzling this out. While she is distracted, Curtis and Ethan bolt)

Megan: "I took Latin, mister. You can't snow me. Canis is dog, meus is my, comedit is past tense of the verb 'to eat'..."

Megan (furiously): "My dog ate it? What kind of an answer is that, Mr. Gray?"

Barry: "The kind that lets Ethan and Curtis escape to go get a new sample."

Megan: "What?"

(she looks around)

Megan: "Where did they go? And what is your part in this?"

Barry: "Ethan dropped the sample. He and Curtis are going out to get another one. They'll process it when they get back. We know it's a priority."

Megan (frustrated, but calming down): "Well, why the song and dance? Why didn't they just tell me?"

Barry: "They're scared of you. I offered to stay behind as the blast shield."

Megan: "I'm not that bad."

Barry: "I know that. Not sure Ethan does. You intimidate him."

Megan: "But not you."

Barry shrugs.

Megan: "Ethan and Curtis are afraid of me, and you I couldn't budge with a bulldozer. Exactly backwards of how I want it to be."

Barry: "Into each life some rain must fall. Try being nicer to them, and still bark at me. I can take it. I've been a Little League umpire."

Megan: "So where did you learn that if you never took Latin?"

Barry: "On the internet, repository of all knowledge. I found it on a website of handy Latin phrases once a few years ago. Here's a good one: me transmitte sursum, Caledoni!"

Megan: "Something about lift me up with a transmission, Caledonian."

Barry: "Not bad. Caledonia is present-day Scotland. They were going for 'Beam me up, Scotty!'"

Megan (laughing, shakes her head): "You're nuts."

Barry: "When my wife was pregnant with our first child, I had a T-shirt made up with 'Scotty, beam me out of here!" across the belly."

Megan: "How did that go over?"

Barry: "Had a number of women tell me they were much more interested in doing the whole pregnancy thing if they could use a transporter at the finish line. Wanted me to give them a call when I got that technology working."

Megan: "Did you?"

Barry: "Still some glitches. Nice idea, though. Instead of going through hours of labor, you just stand on a transporter pad, some technician fiddles with a dial, sparkly-sparkly, and they hand you your kid."

Megan: "I went through 7 hours of labor myself. I can see the interest. You can make a lot of money when you get that perfected. I still think you're crazy, though."

Barry: "Just a misunderstood genius."

Megan: "Well, misunderstood genius, tell Curtis and Ethan to let me know when they are finished processing their second paint sample. Make sure we don't need a third."

Barry: "Will do. Die dulci fruimini."

Megan: "The day will be sweet? Pleasant? Oh, have a nice day. Thanks. I think."

(end scene)


	5. Chapter 5

Scene: ME's office. Morning.

Kate: "Megan! We just got a call in about a dead young woman. I need you to check it out. I can stop in, but then I have to go over to the mayor's office."

Megan: "OK, I'll get Peter."

Kate: "Peter is out on a different case, Curtis is analyzing some samples from the state crime unit, and Ethan is out sick. Take Barry."

Megan (making a face): "Oh, not him. He's disgusting."

Kate: "He's all we've got today. I think I saw him skulking around the lab."

Megan: "OK, I'll get him. But you owe me."

(Megan pulls out her cell phone)

Barry (answering cell phone): "Gail's Garden Supply and Bordello. Whatever kind of (hoes, hose, ho's) you're looking for."

Megan: "You're a pig."

Barry: "But with a triple pun. What do you need, Megan?"

Megan: "Meet me in the parking lot. We're going on a field trip. You're driving."

(cut to an apartment building. Barry and Megan are walking; Kate joins them.)

Megan: "Follow procedures and do what I tell you. I don't want you messing up any evidence."

Barry: "Hey, **I've** never lost a patient."

Megan: "That is a shockingly insensitive crack about my injury."

Barry: "I wasn't talking about your surgical career. I meant in the ME's office. I understand how a doctor with live patients will occasionally lose one no matter how good their medical skills. But I heard you people lost a dead guy. How does that even happen? A bad doctor can't keep a living patient alive. How incompetent can you be that you can't even keep a dead guy dead? Seems like that would be the easiest rule in the whole office: Dead people brought to the morgue should be encouraged to remain dead at all times."

(Kate has a little difficulty keeping a straight face through this.)

Megan: "Shut up, you moron."

Barry: "Unless this wasn't an accident. (shock of realization) Oh, no! This guy was a successful test. He's just the first soldier in your army of the undead. You and your coroner friends are going to unleash the zombie apocalypse!"

Megan: "Don't zombies come after people to eat their brains?"

Barry: "Yeah, why?"

Megan: "That makes you the safest man in Philadelphia. Good morning, Bud. What have you got for me?"

Bud: "Neighbor called in that they heard a baby crying endlessly, but they couldn't get the mother to answer the door. We found her in the bedroom, with a toddler in the crib."

Megan: "Looks like some bruising and scratches on her forearms, might be defensive wounds. How is the kid?"

Bud: "We just got here a little while ago. The CSU's processed the kid, but we haven't done anything else."

Megan: "Well, he needs to be changed, that's for sure. Come on Bud, I'll give you a lesson."

Bud: "I was hoping not to have to do that for a while."

Megan: "You are such a wuss. I need you to carry him."

Bud: "All right. But this is not in my job description."

Megan: "Hmm. Does this child feel warm to you?"

Bud: "Maybe."

Barry, hearing this, goes to the kitchen while they change the child. He opens the refrigerator, starts rummaging around. He returns with two bottles.

Megan: "Not too bad for a first try, Bud. Now get him to stop crying."

Barry: "I found amoxicillin and children's Tylenol in the fridge. Kid probably has an earache, and hasn't been dosed in a while."

Kate: "We can't guess at that and risk overdosing a child. I need an estimate of when the medicine was last administered, or time of death on the mother."

Megan: "I don't have a very accurate TOD yet. Probably between 3 and 11 pm yesterday."

Kate: "I need something tighter."

Barry: "Is that her cell phone?"

(picks it up, starts looking through it.)

Barry: "Mom is a texting fiend. She read all the messages up through one at 5:30 pm, then everything goes unread and unanswered."

Kate: "That's a good enough time line for me. More than twelve hours since the last dose was administered. Let's get the medicine in this child, feed him and turn him over to child services."

(Megan and Kate start trying to get a cranky, squirming toddler to take the medicine, without much success.)

Megan: "I'll hold his head, you give him the medicine."

Kate: "I'm trying. You have to hold him still."

Megan: "He keeps squirming."

Kate: "He won't open his mouth."

(Barry watches with growing amusement.)

Kate: "What are you laughing at?"

Barry: "You two are pathetic. Two medical degrees and I'm sure several board certifications between you, and together you can't make one toddler take his medicine."

Megan: "I suppose you think you could do better?"

Barry: "Absolutely."

Megan: "OK, smart guy, let's see you do it."

(Barry sits down.)

Barry: "I'm an experienced kid-wrangler. Gimme."

(They hand him the child.)

Barry (starts rocking the little one and talking to him): "What's the matter, rug rat? Those mean old doctors making you miserable?"

(He leans the child back in his arms. The toddler calms down enough to stop wriggling quite so much.)

Barry: "Now I just have to get him to open his mouth."

Megan: "Easier said than done."

Barry: "Watch and learn. Do you have the medicine ready for me, Dr. Murphy?"

(He holds the child with one arm.)

Barry: "You tried to force his jaw open. No kid is going to cooperate with that. But when I pinch his nose shut (Barry does), he has to open his mouth to breathe, and voila!"

(Barry dumps the medicine in the mouth. The women exchange glances.)

Barry: "It doesn't taste all that good. I think I saw a sippy cup with juice in the fridge. If somebody could get that for me, we'll get him a drink."

(Bud goes to kitchen, gets the cup.)

Barry: "Now we give him the cup, and he stops crying."

(Child starts drinking from cup, quiets in order to drink.)

Barry: "See? Parenting is easy. Not exactly rocket surgery."

Megan: "Rocket surgery?"

Bud: "Who is this guy?"

Barry: "Barry Gray. Data forensics."

Bud: "Bud. Bud Morris. My wife and I are expecting. Can I call you if I'm in a jam?"

Barry: "Sure thing. My advice is free, and cheap at twice the price. Babysitting extra."

Megan: "I'd suggest you not leave your baby in his care, Bud."

Bud: "I don't know, Megan. He kinda looks like he knows what he's doing."

(Kate and Megan go to living room.)

Kate: "I have to go. It looks like your team can handle basic child care."

Megan: "Meaning I can't?"

Kate: "Meaning you and the rest of the crew seem to have things under control until we can get child services out here. Don't be so sensitive."

Megan: "Barry was just so smug about it."

Kate: "He showed us up a little. He knew a parenting trick we didn't. Big deal. It's the reason I have tried to diversify the skill sets of people in my department."

Megan: "It just felt like I was being criticized as a doctor and as a mother."

Kate: "He was just showing off. Computer guys are a bunch of know-it-alls. Don't let it get to you. You have other areas of expertise. Look at how he dresses. Clearly ignorant of fashion. Wouldn't know his Jimmy Choos from Ugg."

Megan (smirks): "Got that right. I'll see you later."

(cut to later. Barry and Megan are walking back to his vehicle.)

Megan: "Credit where credit is due. You handled that kid like a pro. I take it you have children?"

Barry: "Three. Not my first rodeo. Mine are older now, youngest is a junior in college."

Megan: "I have a daughter in middle school."

Barry: "Lacey."

Megan: "Yeah. Wait, how did you know her name?"

Barry: "The internet knows all, sees all. How do you two get along?"

Megan: "Teen-age years are shaping up to be a constant battle. How was it for you with three?"

Barry: "No big deal. They're good kids."

Megan: "I find that hard to believe that it was really no big deal."

Barry: "A department secretary once told me that I was the only one she knew that didn't have countless tales of struggles with teens. I blamed their mother."

Megan: "I need to pick up Lacey and drop her off to a riding lesson. Want to meet her?"

Barry: "Why not? Is she nicer than you?"

Megan: "Of course not. No one is nicer than I."

Barry: "Real terror, huh? Well, I'm probably still bigger than she is. I can handle it."

(cut to picking up Lacey. She and Megan get in the car.)

Megan: "Lacey, this is Mr. Gray. Barry, this is my daughter, Lacey."

Barry: "Pleased to meet you, Lacey. Usually your mom just calls me 'New Guy'. I think she is trying to make the point that she is hoping I won't last long enough that she has to actually remember my name."

Lacey: "Pleased to meet you, New Guy."

Megan: "Hey, I..."

Barry: "She's not necessarily wrong. The rest of the department has had some difficulty adjusting to the typical computer nerd type of craziness."

Lacey: "Great. You're a science geek like my mom."

Barry: "Technology geek. And not exactly like your mom. Watch: Megan, would you explain the concept of entropy for us?"

Megan: "What?"

Barry: "Just do it. Surely that came up in a science course somewhere along the line."

Megan: "All right. Second Law of Thermodynamics, the tendency of a closed system to evolve toward maximum disorder. It's a measure of the useful work available for a given energy input. No system is 100% efficient, and some energy is always dissipated as heat, requiring more energy input to keep the system going. Standard physics and chemistry."

Barry: "OK. Can you tell me what that means, Lacey?"

Lacey: "I don't have the slightest idea what you guys are talking about."

Barry: "All right, now let **me **give you an explanation. Entropy is how it takes work to clean your room, but it gets messy all by itself."

Megan: "That is a totally ridiculous explanation."

Barry: "But one she can understand and remember. Lacey, do you have an idea of what entropy is about now?"

Lacey: "I think I might. Mom, can we have New Guy over sometime if I am having trouble with science? At least his explanations are interesting."

Megan: "We'll see. I'm not sure I want him to know where I live."

Barry: "Too late. I can get that off the internet. I'll check what it looks like with Google Street Views."

Megan: "You are a menace."

Barry: "If you don't like my driving, take a cab."

Megan: "I wasn't referring to that, but now that you mention it, that light back there was pretty yellow."

Barry: "I usually have the right of way."

Megan: "Why would you have the right of way? This isn't an ambulance."

Barry: "No, it's an old, rusting, beat-up minivan. The crappiest car always has the right of way. Where did you learn to drive, rural Iowa? Everybody in a big city knows this rule."

Megan: "Lacey, don't listen to him. That's not a real rule."

Lacey: "But it's funny, Mom."

Megan: "Just get out of the car and go to your riding lesson. I'll pick you up after work, if I survive the trip with this maniac."

Lacey: "Bye, Mom."

(she exits the vehicle. Might use an external camera shot of the vehicle, use the voices)

Megan: "You are never giving my daughter driving lessons. I see why you never had problems with your teen-agers. You're worse than they are."

Barry: "Parenting by counter-example. Leaving them in constant fear for their lives and reputations. It's amazingly effective."

Megan: "It's a wonder your children survived."

Barry: "Hey! They say the same thing!"

(fade out)


	6. Chapter 6

Scene: ME's office. Curtis and Barry are running some tests.

Curtis: "I heard about the way you took care of that toddler to take his medicine. Well done, but now you have a problem."

Barry: "They stopped selling McRibs again?"

Curtis: "Fool. Dr. Hunt is a highly competitive perfectionist. You criticized her as a mother and as a doctor. One or the other is bad enough. Both together, she's gonna be watching you for mistakes like a hungry dog looking for table scraps. Screw up and you're a dead man."

Barry: "She's not that scary. You and Ethan are just wusses."

Curtis: "Just you wait. That woman wields a mean scalpel. She knows her anatomy. I don't want arterial spray all over my lab."

Barry: "I'll try to stay out of reach."

(Megan walks in.)

Megan: "New Guy. Road trip."

(Barry exits with her)

Barry: "I sit by the phone every night, but you never call any more. It makes me feel unloved."

Megan: "Good. That's exactly the feeling I was hoping for. Maybe you'll learn to answer your phone like a normal person."

Barry: "Acting like a normal person seems dishonest."

Megan: "Acting, not lying."

Barry: "I suppose that might be OK..."

(end scene)

Scene: walking on the street, after being at the crime scene. Megan has again told a witness that she knows he did it and she will prove it. Bud and Samantha are walking behind them.

Barry: "Dr. Hunt? I was wondering if I could persuade you to refrain from making statements to witnesses and potential suspects?"

(Bud and Sam exchange glances)

Megan (testily): "Why would you want that, Mr. Gray?"

Barry: "Because you suck at it."

(Bud and Sam, look at each other, turn back)

Bud: "You know, I think I left my pen back at that house..."

Sam: "Better take me with you or you'll forget something else..."

Barry: "Yogi! Boo-boo! Where are you going? Picnic basket's this way!"

(they look at each other)

Bud: "Yogi?"

Sam: "Boo-boo?"

(Barry turns back to a livid Megan)

Megan: "I suck at it? I suck at it? Where do you get off telling me I suck at it, Mr. Gray?"

Barry: "Pretty much the same station where you suck at it. It causes problems in the interviews. Doesn't it, guys?"

Bud: "We are not getting involved in this until it gets physical. Maybe not then. You poke the bear, you deal with the claws yourself."

Barry: "You've got them scared of you, too. Geez, and they have guns. With bullets and everything."

Megan: "Don't change the subject. Why exactly do you think I suck at it?"

Barry: "You still act like the world's foremost expert surgeon or something. That's great when you have a scared patient that needs to be reassured that they are in capable hands. Not so good when we are looking at suspects. You show them our cards, don't get anything in return. Puts them on their guard. It's bad for business."

Megan: "I do not do that. Bud, tell him I don't do that."

Bud: "Well..."

Megan: "Oh, so now you're on his side?"

Bud: "I'm not on anybody's side. Sam and I are going to go back to the station and write our reports. Come on, Sam."

(Bud brushes past Barry)

Bud (sotto voce): "You had to poke the bear. Poke, poke, poke."

(they leave)

Megan: "So, Mr. Smart Guy. You think you can do a better job talking to witnesses."

Barry: "I just think you need to hold your information a little closer until the proper time to disclose it. When we have somebody at the station and were trying to get him to crack, that's a great time to smack him with how much you've deduced. Until then, it just gets him to clam up."

Megan: "All right, next time we go out, you conduct one of the interviews. We'll see how well you do."

(end scene)

Scene: Next time. Barry is suddenly speaking with somewhat of a drawl. Talking to one of the witness/suspects, say a woman over 45. Megan occasionally looks on.

Barry: "You don't mind if I just hook up this little piece of equipment to your husband's computer, do you ma'am? This disk does some kind of fancy analysis to see if it was infected or anything. Then we can chat a while."

Woman: "Would you like some tea?"

Barry: "Now, that would be most kind of you, ma'am. Could you spell your name for me, please? It's embarrassing if I get details like that wrong, and I just get no end of grief from my co-workers."

Woman: "Olafsen. O-l-a-f-s-e-n."

Barry: "You're just so helpful. Now if you could tell me a few things about you and your husband's employment history, how long you've lived here, what the neighbors are like, things like that..."

Woman: "Certainly."

(fade to later)

Barry: "Well, I think that's about all the questions I have for now. Looks like that fancy equipment didn't find much of anything. I'll just disconnect it and be out of your way. Thank you for all your assistance today, ma'am. I'll be sure and call you if I think of anything else."

Woman: "Anything I can do to help."

(Barry puts his equipment in a bag, and exits with Megan.)

Megan: "OK, Slick, what's with the phony accent?"

Barry: "It's a real accent. I lived in Virginia for years. It's quite useful when interviewing potential suspects."

Megan: "Why?"

Barry: "Because people around here think that anyone who speaks with a drawl must certainly be a slow-witted backwoods hick. They drop their guard and get all kinds of chatty. They don't expect Gomer Pyle to make a back-up image of their hard-drive for analysis at the lab."

Megan: "All right. There might be something to your interview technique."

Barry: "You still have considerable medical skill."

Megan: "Admitting that I can do something right?"

Barry: "Well, since we had a moment alone together..."

Megan: "A moment alone together? You're not going to get all mushy on my, are you, Barry?"

Barry: "Of course not. That was meant in the spirit of "no witnesses around to see me be almost nice to you." I'll deny everything."

Megan: "Don't bother concocting an alibi. Nobody would believe me, anyway. Why don't we swing by and pick up Lacey again? We've been arguing again, and she seems to like you."

Barry: "Young people have no taste."

Megan: "I didn't say that."

Barry: "No, but I heard you thinking it."

(cut to picking up Lacey)

Lacey: "Hi, New Guy. Good to see you again. (frostily) Good afternoon, mother."

Megan: "Lacey and I have been disagreeing lately about curfew and bed time. Care to referee?"

Barry: "This sounds like a vampire argument."

Megan: "What's a vampire argument?"

Barry: "Do not enter unless you're invited in."

Lacey: "I'll invite you. She treats me like a little kid."

Megan: "Well, if you act like one, I'm going to treat you like one."

Barry: "Whoa. Cease fire. I presume this is about mom wanting to set a bed time, and Lacey wanting some independence?"

Megan: "Yes. How did you handle that with your kids?"

Barry: "We didn't argue about it. Megan, what's your parenting goal?"

Megan: "I want her to go to bed at a reasonable hour."

Barry: "That really sucks as a goal. When you to a class reunion sometime, when everybody is sitting around bragging on their kid in medical school or law school, are you going to trump them all with 'My child goes to bed at a reasonable hour?'"

(Lacey laughs)

Megan (crossly): "Of course not."

Barry: "The goal is to have a happy, successful, independent adult at the end of child-raising. Agree on that and other goals like academic success. You can measure whether she is on track to achieving that by grades. If her grades are good, and she makes it to school on time, why pick a fight with Lacey on something stupid like bed time?"

Megan: "It is possible you may have a point."

Lacey: "You must have been a really cool dad."

Barry: "Remember, Lacey: the early bird gets the worm. Although personally, I always thought worms for breakfast was a poor incentive plan."

Megan: "Go to your riding lesson. We'll talk about it more tonight."

Lacey: "Bye, Mom. Bye, New Guy. Thanks."

Megan: "You have a crazy parenting style."

Barry: "It worked."

Megan: "Your wife actually went along with this?"

Barry: "Pretty much. We worked to help the kids learn to make their own decisions, and make good ones. That also means letting them fail some times in minor things, so that they learn consequences, too."

Megan: "But it's really hard to stand by and watch that."

Barry: "Yup. Tough being a parent."

Megan: "I think I'd like to meet your wife and hear her version. Or is it ex-wife?"

Barry: "Deceased wife. Cancer, a few years back."

Megan: "Sorry. I didn't realize."

Barry: "It's OK. Just means the rest of the world has to put up with me, without her to act as a buffer."

Megan: "Gee, I never met her, but I really miss her."

(end scene)


	7. Chapter 7

Scene: Megan's office. Her mother is sitting in her chair. Barry walks in.

Barry: "Megan. You look different today. Get your hair done? New dress?"

Joan (hint of a smile): "If your observational skills are genuinely poor enough that you easily mistake me for my daughter, you should find another line of work."

Barry (laughs): "Consider it a weak attempt at flattery. Pleased to meet you, Judge Hunt. I'm Barry Gray, data forensics."

Joan: "We're not in court. You may call me Joan. Are you new around here?"

Barry: "Pretty new. Megan still refers to me as 'New Guy'."

Joan: "I think my granddaughter might have mentioned you. You argued a case in Megan's court to advocate Lacey being allowed to set her own bed time."

Barry: "That would be me."

Joan: "Impressive work. Not too many people win arguments with my daughter. Have you ever considered law school?"

Barry: "Thought about it. Then I found out I would have to spend all day with lawyers."

Joan: "We lose more people that way..."

(Megan returns to her office, is horrified to see Barry and her mother already there.)

Megan: "This can't be good. Double case of hemorrhoids."

(Megan enters the office.)

Megan: "Mother! What are you doing here? Barry, go find some work to do."

Barry: "That is no way to greet the loving parent who raised you."

Megan: "Shut up."

Joan: "That's not a very polite way to talk to a co-worker. You need to work on your interpersonal skills, dear."

(Megan realizes she is being tag-teamed.)

Megan: "Sorry. You're right."

(exaggerated deference)

Megan: "How pleasant to see both of you. I take it you've already made your introductions? To what do I owe the double honor of your presence?"

Joan: "I just dropped by to see you, since you hardly ever return my calls. Mr. Gray came by and was keeping me company while I waited for you."

Megan: "Mother, this is my workplace. You have to quit 'dropping by'. It's unprofessional."

Barry: "You're welcome to stop by and see me, Joan. I won't fuss."

Joan: "How kind of you to extend the invitation, Barry. It's nice to know that someone around here can abide me."

Barry: "I'll be happy to chat with you any time. Well, I'm sure you two have family matters to discuss. I'll just duck out now, before Megan murders me in front of a judge. Nice to meet you, Joan. Maybe we should get together for lunch sometime."

Joan: "My daytime schedule is rather hectic."

Barry: "Drinks then. Ta-ta."

(he leaves)

Joan: "Charming man. Not at all like you described. Not that you talk to me much..."

Megan (watched Barry leave, now distractedly): "Um, I just remembered something urgent I need to discuss with Barry. Excuse me a moment, mother."

(she exits, hurries to catch up with Barry)

Megan (shouting-but-not-loudly-enough-for-her-mother-to-hear): "Hey. New Guy! What the hell was that?"

Barry: "What was what?"

Megan: "You called her Joan and were chatting her up. Why were you hitting on my mother?"

Barry: "I wasn't hitting on her. She seemed nice, but you seem determined to keep her from the rest of us. Why should I not go out for a drink with a new friend?"

Megan: "Because your new friend is my mother! The last two people on earth that I want having any involvement with each other are you and my mother!"

Barry: "Now, Megan, we're all adults here..."

Megan: "Aauugh! Why do people keep saying that?"

Barry: "I have no idea what you are talking about."

Megan: "Never mind. I forbid you to see my mom."

Barry: "I don't think you can do that."

Megan: "Watch me."

Barry: "I'll just take it to court and get it overturned."

Megan: "Look, Buster..."

Barry: "Megan, your mother's feelings will be hurt if I don't follow through. She'll think I have something against your family, and she'll blame you. Tell you what, I'll go out, but make it clear that it's not a date, and that I'm not trying to start dating her. Her choice to back out."

Megan: "How do I get in the middle of these things? OK, you can go one time. Just remember that I know how to use a scalpel. I can make you permanently uninterested in women. And I won't need an anesthesiologist."

Barry: "Ouch."

(end scene)

Scene: bar with Barry and Joan.

Joan: "Thank you for inviting me. Though I must say I've less stringent terms in many contracts."

Barry: "Megan's demands. She was in a bit of a tizzy."

Joan: "So why did you ask me here?"

Barry: "I moved to the area less than a year ago, I haven't built up that long a list of friends yet. You struck me as an interesting and worthwhile companion. And it's another way to drive Megan nuts. Win-win."

Joan: "You lack manners. Did you really expect a woman to appreciate being invited out for such a callous reason?"

Barry: "You're not that dense. You knew better than I that it would make her crazy. Yet you showed up. I doubt it was just the offer of free alcohol."

Joan (chuckles): "Well argued. But I have a question for you."

Barry: "Fire at will."

Joan: "I make Megan crazy because I'm her mother. It's an occupational hazard. Why do you do it?"

Barry: "I didn't go after her specifically. I just started out with a few little jokes to liven up the office. Other people laughed or looked slightly annoyed, she went berserk. That put the target on her back. And everybody else seems to be afraid of her, so I'm the cult hero."

Joan: "Makes sense. Promise me you'll keep me up-to-date on her torture."

Barry: "That's a deal. Maybe I should start a blog or something."

Joan: "I'd read it."

Barry: "In return, I promise to cooperate if you want to use me to get to Megan."

Joan: "How would you feel about an overnight stay? Not necessarily sexual, I do have a guest bedroom. Just be there in the morning for Megan to see, then I can get something from her in exchange for dropping you."

Barry: "We could work something out. Boy, you really play hard-ball when you negotiate. Extracting something from Megan in return for dropping a guy you weren't actually seeing is a pretty shrewd play. You are a delightfully wicked woman, Judge Hunt."

Joan: "Back at ya, Mr. Gray."

(they clink glasses, fade out.)


	8. Chapter 8

Scene: Kate's office. Megan is with her.

Kate: "...I'll need you to schedule a court appearance for next week in the Wilson case."

Megan (distantly): "Yeah, fine."

Kate: "Paging Dr. Hunt."

Megan (shakes her head): "Hm? Sorry. I'll be ready for court whenever they need me."

Kate: "Everything OK at home? Lacey all right? You seem distracted today."

Megan: "Lacey's fine. It's my mother."

Kate: "Is she OK?"

Megan: "Don't know yet. She and Barry went out for drinks."

Kate (snorts, chokes down a laugh, tries to make it into a cough): "Sorry. I know it can be traumatic for a child when a parent is dating."

Megan: "I don't care if my mother dates some guy. I am terrified that she might date Barry. An unholy alliance if there ever was one."

Kate: "I guess that might be... upsetting."

Megan: "First you and Todd, now my mother and Barry."

Kate: "At least Lacey isn't seeing anyone right now."

Megan: "Don't even think it. And if one more person tries to pacify me with that 'We're all adults here' malarkey, I'm going to rip his face off."

Kate: "Did Barry say that?"

Megan: "Yes. I was not amused."

Kate: "Unfortunately, I don't see that there is much we can do about a relationship between your mother and Barry. Keep an eye on his relationship status on Facebook and write rude comments, maybe. Other than that, if a couple of lonely people want to pass the time, you don't have much say."

Megan: "Do you think you could help me out and create work emergencies for him any time he is going to out with her? Please?"

Kate: "Don't drag me into something like that. I don't think I can come up with enough emergencies, anyway. You'll have to think of some other way to occupy him."

Megan: "Hmmm. If he's lonely, maybe we could set him up on dates with people we know. If I can get him interested in someone else, maybe he'll leave my mother alone."

Kate: "You're going to be his matchmaking service?"

Megan: "Why not? We know plenty of eligible, attractive, interesting women. There must be dozens who work in this building alone. This will work out great."

(she leaves the office)

(end scene)

Scene: Lab. Megan walks up to Barry.

Megan (sweetly): "Oh, Barry."

Barry: "Uh-oh."

Megan: "Why uh-oh?"

Barry: "You called me Barry. It means you want something. I haven't even talked to your mother in a week, I swear."

Megan: "You have a deeply suspicious nature."

Barry: "I haven't heard you tell me I'm wrong yet."

Megan: "Never mind. There's a woman I know, divorced, feeling a little blue. I was wondering if I could sweet-talk you into asking her out."

Barry: "Don't know why yet, but I'm sure this is a terrible idea."

Megan: "Oh, please. As a favor to me. It doesn't have to be a real heavy date, you know, just a meet and greet over dinner or something. I even have a gift card to a restaurant that someone gave me. You can have it."

Barry: "Well..."

Megan: "Oh, come on, you big jerk. Free food and a nice girl. What's not to like?"

Barry: "I'll regret this in the morning, but OK."

Megan: "Great! Here's her name and number. Call her. If you take Curtis and Ethan out to eat instead, you're a dead man."

(Megan exits, Curtis and Ethan just look at Barry)

Barry: "What? One blind date that I don't even have to pay for."

Curtis: "You are making a big mistake. Why don't you try something smaller and more manageable, like starting a land war in Asia?"

Barry: "It can't be that bad."

Curtis: "Oh, yes it can. She's up to something, and you can bet it's not because she has your best interest at heart."

Ethan: "Yeah, see if you can get a DNA sample before you go out. We'll run it through CODIS for you."

Barry: "Whatever is going on, I'm sure I can handle it. Just drop it."

Curtis: "Land war in Asia. Man needs to watch the History Channel."

(end scene)

Scene: Several days later, same group in the lab. Megan comes up to Barry again.

Megan: "So?"

Barry: "So what?"

Megan: "So, how did it go with Diane? Did you call her the next day?"

Barry: "Was I really supposed to?"

Megan (punches him in the arm): "Yes, you were supposed to, you clod. It's what a gentleman does after a date. He calls the next day."

Barry: "You mean that was a real date?"

Megan: "Of course it was a real date. Man, woman, go out to a nice restaurant, have dinner together. You call her."

Barry: "I'm sorry, I didn't think it was a real date, so I didn't call her."

Megan: "What did you think it was if it not a real date?"

Barry: "Candid Camera."

Megan: "How did you ruin this date? What did you do?"

Barry: "I didn't do anything. You gave me a gift card to a very nice steak house."

Megan: "Yes, the food there is very good."

Barry: "I thought so. On the other hand, my date was vegan. Apparently the president of the local chapter of PETA or something. Really big into animal rights. I got a long speech about how badly cattle are mistreated, including a vivid description of what goes on in slaughterhouses, all while I'm eating a sirloin."

Megan: "Oops."

Barry: "Uh-huh. Almost made me wish I'd ordered a smaller steak. Not quite, but almost."

Megan: "Apparently nothing puts you off your feed."

Barry: "Not for lack of trying. So she eyes me eating my food and says haughtily, "I would never allow meat in in my body." So, obviously, I said..."

Megan (holds up her hand): "I can guess your response to that. Pig."

Barry: "Oh, if only you had called me that in front of Diane. She is wa-ayy more concerned about the plight of farm animals than people. She might have actually liked me if you had referred to me as one."

Megan: "OK, I get it. The date did not go well."

Barry: "I figured you were just paying me back for something."

Megan: "No, I just slipped up a little. I'm sorry your first date with Diane didn't go better. It won't happen again."

(she exits)

Barry: "That ought to keep her from pestering me for a while."

Curtis: "Oh, no, you are in a world of hurt, and you don't even know it. This is just the start."

Barry: "What do you mean, just the start?"

Curtis: "I'm telling you, land war in Asia. This is just the first skirmish. The war ain't over. Dr. Hunt is going back to her office right now to draft more troops."

Ethan: "Dr. Hunt never admits defeat at anything. It's why she is so great at her job. This isn't over until she's set you up with every single woman in Philadelphia county. If necessary, the Eastern seaboard."

Barry: "Oh, God."

Curtis: "You want something that's over in a week-end, invade Grenada."

Barry: "What do I do?"

Curtis: "Get married."

Ethan: "Or at least find a local actress to pretend to be your wife."

Barry: "This is not sounding good."

Curtis: "I'm telling you. Get a wife. At least a fiancee. That's the only way Dr. Hunt is going to leave you alone."

Barry: "Great."

Curtis (puttering around, talking mostly to himself): "Man needs to watch more History Channel. Korea, Viet Nam. They're nothing compared to Dr. Hunt."

(end scene)


	9. Chapter 9

Scene: Lab. Peter comes up to Barry, who is working alone.

Peter: "Barry, I have a cell phone that the suspect dropped as he was fleeing the scene. It's kind of smashed up. Anything you can do?"

Barry: "If the sim card and flash memory are intact, it'll be easy. How high a priority is this: Rush, Special Rush, Priority Rush, or Emergency Rush?"

(he starts carefully disassembling the phone)

Peter: "What's the difference?"

Barry: "There isn't one. There are only two classes of work in the lab: "Do this yesterday", and "Drop all the other priority items and work on this right now instead, I need it last week." But it makes people like Megan feel special if I have something that sounds like they are getting better treatment than everybody else."

Peter: "Yeah, so what's the deal with you and Megan?"

Barry: "The deal?"

Peter: "I hear that the sparks are flying."

Barry: "Plenty of sparks, all right. Just don't store any flammable liquids in any room that the two of us might occupy at the same time."

Peter: "You certainly seem to get a reaction out of her."

Barry: "She's just the most fun to antagonize."

Peter: "You could pick on Curtis, or Ethan."

Barry: "Curtis would get defensive and his feelings would be hurt. Picking on Ethan is like clubbing baby seals. He's defenseless. If I had any sensitivity to others, I might actually feel bad."

Peter: "You've never gone after me."

Barry: "Our paths just haven't crossed much. I'd be happy to pick on you if you want. I hear you're kind of a player, maybe I should start taking a few shots at you and your latest flame."

Peter: "Uh, I think I could do without that."

Barry: "I wouldn't want you to think I didn't like you. If you judge how much I am interested in someone by how much I enjoy aggravating them, I might need to step it up a little with you."

Peter: "What do you mean?"

Barry: "Maybe you're the one in the office I'm attracted to. You ARE kind of dreamy..."

Peter (startled): "What?"

Barry: "Relax. I'm just yanking your chain."

Peter: "Case closed. I promise I will never imply anything about you and Megan again."

Barry: "You're finally learning how to stay out of the line of fire. Too bad we didn't meet before you were injured. I might have saved you a lot rehab. Also, it seems to me I heard that you might be trying to track your birth parents?"

Peter: "Maybe. I'm not entirely sure."

Barry: "Of course we have access to CODIS here and things like that, but I presume you're hoping they don't have a criminal past. If you need someone with friends in low places to help you with your search, or to find out what kine of people they are before you meet them, let me know."

Peter: "Friends in low places?"

Barry: "Not criminals. Let's just say people with more information than they know what to do with. If you want to build a profile, I might be able to assist."

Peter: "What kind of stuff are we talking about?"

Barry: "Do they make purchases with credit cards or those store rewards cards? Suppose you needed to know if high blood pressure runs in your family. I might be able to tell you if they have any prescriptions to treat the condition. Without having to contact them, if that's your choice."

Peter: "Nice to know."

Barry: "Here's a flash drive with the first pass at the contents of the cell phone. There are two videos, 56 pictures, and the address book. I haven't tried to restore deleted files or pull the text messages yet, but this should give you a start."

Peter: "Thanks. I'll see you around."

(end scene)


	10. Chapter 10

Scene: Kate's office. Megan is with her.

Megan: "You have to help me come up with another date for Barry."

Kate: "You didn't learn anything from the fiasco with Diane?"

Megan: "I made one mistake. He's not scarred for life. He got free food out of it. Diane went off about conditions in slaughterhouses, and he kept eating his steak. Didn't even seem to slow him down. If he's emotionally damaged, he was that way already."

Kate: "I would say, 'What has he ever done to you?', but I don't have all day to listen."

Megan: "What's the name of that computer tech who comes around and fixes our computer problems?"

Kate: "Um... Rachel I think."

Megan: "That's right. Rachel. She's attractive, she and Barry have their work in common, it would be a perfect match."

Kate: "I'm not so sure."

Megan: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab. Barry picks up a cell phone.

Barry: "Arthur's Fission Chips. The finest in nuclear materials. I'm right here in the lab, Megan. Yeah, I'll be here a while. See you."

(cut to a little later)

Megan: "Oh, Barry..."

Barry: "What can I do for you, Megan?"

Megan: "I felt badly about the fiasco with Diane. I wanted to make it up to you."

Barry: "Really, no need. I'm fine with it. A good laugh, all expenses paid."

Megan: "Well, I thought you should meet Rachel, one of the building computer techs. You should have a lot in common. Here's a Starbucks gift card. Techs always like coffee. Even you can't screw that up."

Barry: "I don't actually like coffee..."

Megan: "How can you not like coffee?"

Barry: "I'm a super-taster. Certain bitter chemicals most people can't detect are a punch in the mouth to me."

Megan: "I've read about that. I'll keep it in mind if we need a guinea pig to detect something poisonous."

Barry: "Thanks a lot."

Megan: "Anyway, friend Rachel on Facebook or whatever you techs do and take her out for coffee. You can get tea or hot chocolate or something."

Barry (dubious): "I don't know. Sure you haven't reported this card stolen or anything?"

Megan: "Yes. Don't be such a wuss."

(she exits)

Curtis: "You know, the American military thought the French were a bunch of sissies, and they were going to go into Viet Nam and show everybody how to get things done."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab, some time later, at least the next day. Megan enters.

Megan: "Barry! So, how did it go with Rachel? Did you call her for another date?"

Barry: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

Megan: "What? What did you do? How could you screw this up?"

Barry: "I didn't do anything. I tried to make pleasant small talk about work stuff. Computers, technology, that sort of thing. I tried to sympathize with the work she has to do keeping all those Windows desktop machines running and virus-free."

Megan: "Sounds OK so far."

Barry: "She started sticking up for Microsoft. I backed off, told her I like using linux because I can see the source code and everything, but I understand people using Windows for the applications they want. Said I wasn't trying to start a religious war or anything."

Megan: "I don't know what you're talking about, but it doesn't sound too bad so far."

Barry: "Except that set her off on a religious war for real."

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Barry: "She comes from a real conservative Christian evangelical background. I spent the next hour listening to a lengthy monologue on her religious views. Creationism, why baptism by immersion is the only valid method, a long discourse on the hidden meanings in Revelations and how we all need to be ready, because Jesus will be returning real soon now..."

Megan: "What did you do?"

Barry: "Nothing. Mostly. I sat there listening to her for an hour. Look, nothing against her, but I already have a religious affiliation. Took the required philosophy and theology courses to get through Notre Dame. I've even taught religious ed classes."

Megan: "You. You've taught Sunday School."

Barry: "Yup."

Megan: "Remind me to pray for the souls of your students."

Barry: "Point being, I am not totally ignorant of theology or church history. But it seemed ill-mannered to argue about it on the first date. So I just sat there and let her talk."

Megan: "I find that highly doubtful."

Barry: "All true. Well, until right at the end."

Megan: "What did you do?"

Barry: "She started getting more and more riled up. She got real excited, telling me how she wanted to save me from hell, that I needed to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. She grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes, and asked me very passionately if I were ready for the Second Coming. It was too much for me to resist. Naturally, I said..."

Megan (raises her hand to stop him): "Never mind. I can guess. Pig."

Barry: "I have the impression that she is reconsidering her previous opinion that no one is beyond salvation."

Megan: "She's not the only one. Did you have to do that?"

Barry: "Megan, Rachel and I will never be a couple. We got to that conclusion a little faster than we might have if I'd kept quiet. At least she isn't going to wonder why I don't call her."

Megan (annoyed): "These are nice women. Why do you have to mess things up?"

Barry: "Why do you feel the need to send me on dates with women who are in no way a match? Just let me have a nice week-end at home to watch ESPN or listen to music."

Megan: "This isn't over. Maybe I can find a farmer's widow. At least she'll be used to dealing with pigs."

Barry: "How about a farmer's daughter? I hear good things about them."

(she glares, stalks out)

Curtis: "You don't need to be ready for the Second Coming. You need to be ready for the monsoon season. You know. In Asia."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)


	11. Chapter 11

Scene: Lab. Barry and Curtis are working. Ethan comes in.

Ethan: "Curtis, Megan wants this gun processed for trace right away."

Curtis: "All right. Barry could you keep an eye on this DNA processing for me?"

Barry: "Sure. The data recovery I am running here will take at least another couple of hours. We need criminals with better computers."

Ethan: "Well, I've got to go. Megan and Kate are looking for me, and I don't think they are very happy."

Curtis: "You're right. Here they come now, and I've seen sunnier looks on Storm Chasers."

Ethan: "Uh, oh. What am I going to do? Hide me!"

Curtis: "What kind of flowers would you like us to send for the funeral?"

Ethan: "They're almost here!"

Barry: "Quick. Lie down on the floor! Pretend you're dead!"

(Ethan does so. Kate and Megan enter.)

Megan: "What are you guys doing in here? Why is Ethan on the floor?"

Barry (dramatically): "Major Strasser has been shot! (pause) Round up the usual suspects."

(he starts motioning with his eyes and head toward Curtis, who is holding a gun.)

Curtis: "Why are you all looking at me? (realizes) Ethan gave me this gun. Nobody's fired it in here."

Barry: "I thought if Ethan were already dead, maybe you wouldn't kill him."

Megan (loudly and insistently): "Ethan, get up. Why do you listen to this guy? Quit screwing around in the lab and get some work done."

Kate: "Dr. Murphy, I believe I am still the chief medical examiner. I run this department. If a reprimand needs to be given, I will give it."

Megan: "Sorry."

Kate (sternly, but less shrill than Megan): "Ethan, get up. Quit screwing around and get some of those reports finished. I've got court dates coming up."

Ethan (getting up): "Yes, ma'am."

Kate: "And I strongly suggest you give a matter more careful consideration before you follow any suggestions from Mr. Gray."

Ethan: "Yes, ma'am."

Kate: "Mr. Gray, please try to be less of a corrupting influence on the rest of the staff. Or I will no longer restrain Dr. Murphy from using her scalpel on you. Obey me. Resistance is futile."

Barry: "Understood."

Megan: "Well handled, Dr. Murphy."

Kate: "Thank you, Dr. Hunt."

Megan: "New Guy! Since you seem to need something to occupy your time, you can take me to our latest scene. Parking lot, five minutes, you're driving."

(the two women exit)

Curtis: "Those two are suddenly getting along way too well. This is going to be bad for us."

Barry: "Why would that be bad for us?"

Curtis: "Because change is bad for us. Something changes, it's always bad for us."

Barry: "I guess I'd better grab a kit and head for the parking lot. Curtis, you'll have to finish the DNA sample yourself."

Curtis: "I've got it."

(Barry leaves)

(cut to Barry and Megan leaving the scene. Main plot to be dealt with, just not appearing here.)

Megan: "Can we pick up my daughter again?"

Barry: "I thought you considered me an unsafe driver and a bad influence."

Megan: "I had Peter run your driving record. Spotless for at least 20 years."

Barry: "The trick is to drive clunkers that can't actually go fast enough to get a ticket."

Megan: "Did I see this van on an after-school special my daughter was watching?"

Barry: "Would you like some candy, little girl?"

(cut to picking up Lacey, she gets in)

Barry: "Hi, Lacey. Where's Cagney?"

Lacey: "Huh? Hi, New Guy. Hi, Mom."

Megan: "Hi, Lace. How was school?"

Lacey: "Fine. Can I ask advice again, New Guy?"

Barry: "Sure. It horrifies your mother, but the two of us can have fun."

Lacey: "We have a lot of disagreements lately about clothes."

Barry: "Sure you want my opinion on fashion?"

Lacey: "Why not?"

Megan: "Because he dresses like a refugee from Planet Nerd. Where did you get that shirt?"

(Barry is wearing khaki slacks, polo shirt, sneakers. Pretty close to what you might see at a major retail outlet, depending on the color shirt.)

Barry: "The hardware store."

Megan (appalled): "You buy your clothes at the hardware store?"

Barry: "Yeah. This shirt was $1.99. Of course, sometimes I go to computer shows and get free T-shirts, but I don't usually wear those to work. I have standards. Kind of."

Megan: "And where did you get those shoes?"

Barry: "Clearance rack at Wal-mart. Five bucks. I bought three pair."

Megan: "Lace, he probably hasn't spent $100 on clothes all year. Much as I hate to bring it up, I think we would do better discussing this with your grandmother."

Lacey: "Let's see what he has to say first."

Barry: "So you're asking the guy with the $20 wardrobe for advice?"

Lacey: "Maybe."

Barry: "Here is the plan my wife came up with: When the kids got to about your age, we raised their allowance and told them to buy their own clothes. Boys tended to blow it all on video games, then steal T-shirts from my closet. My daughter would spend half on make-up, then borrow clothes from her mother. At least it made all of them grateful when they got clothes at Christmas."

Lacey: "Mom? What do you think of that?"

Megan: "That could work. Except for the borrowing part. We could set a budget for you, and let it be mostly up to you how to spend it."

Lacey: "Yay!"

Barry: "And Lace, your budget probably won't cover Prada. Try the consignment places."

Lacey: "Mom?"

Megan: "I think we could spend some mother-daughter time at the consignment stores. Shop till we drop."

Barry: "If it's all the same to you, I'll stay home with my Sports Center."

Megan: "Men have no taste."

Barry: "Oh, yeah? Megan, have you dated men or women?"

Megan: "Well, men, of course."

Barry: "And men are pigs."

Megan: "Usually. Present company definitely included."

Barry: "On the other hand, the people I have dated have all been women. On the basis of the people we choose to go out with, whom would you say has better taste?"

Megan: "There has to be a good answer to that."

Lacey (laughing): "I think he got you that time, Mom."

Megan: "Go to your riding lesson, Lace. We'll talk about a clothes budget tonight."

(she gets out of the car)

Megan (to Barry): "Take me back to the office. I need to figure out the flaw in your reasoning."

Barry: "No flaw. Women are better looking, better-mannered, and generally more refined than men. Ergo, I have better taste in dating partners than you. I'm a regular Charlie the Tuna."

Megan: "Charlie the Tuna?"

Barry: "TV ads from my youth. Sorry, Charlie, Starkist doesn't want tuna with good taste, they want tuna that tastes good."

Megan: "I wonder what it would be like to be a lesbian?"

Barry: "Call me when you need to open a jar."

Megan: "Wait! Here's my answer: I've never gone out with YOU. I do have some standards."

(end scene)


	12. Chapter 12

Scene: Kate's office. Megan is with her.

Megan: "So I still need to come up with a good date for Barry."

Kate: "Oh, no. Just leave me out of this round. Whatever it is that he, or you, are doing to sabotage these excursions, I don't want any part of the blame. I agree that he definitely needs a woman's touch in his life, but maybe we are not the ones to provide it."

Megan: "Oh, come on. For the sisterhood."

Kate (questioning look): "The sisterhood."

Megan: "You know. The women in the office, sticking together. Helping each other out."

Kate: "So go ask Dani."

Megan: "That's not a bad idea. I bet she has a lot of single friends. She thinks he's funny for some reason, maybe she's even interested herself."

Kate: "You can't be serious. She's way younger than he is."

Megan: "So what? Guys are always supposed to go for the hot, younger chick. Maybe that's just the incentive Barry needs to make it work."

Kate: "This is a worse idea than the last two, and we haven't even gotten anyone yet."

Megan: "I think I'll talk to Dani. See you."

(cut to Megan and Dani)

Megan: "So Dani, what do you think of Barry?"

Dani: "He's smart, he's funny. He gets away with everything. I like him."

Megan: "Well, I tried setting him up with dates a couple of times, and it didn't work out well."

Dani: "I heard. Poor guy. I felt sorry for him. Those were like the worst first dates ever. Although at least nobody got sick on each other. That happened to me once..."

Megan: "Yeah. Focus. I'm trying to get some help finding somebody for him."

Dani: "Don't look at me, Dr. Hunt. I've already got something going. Kind of, anyway. And Barry's like, my Dad's age."

Megan: "It wouldn't have to be you. And I'm not asking anybody to marry him, just go out on a nice date. I thought you might have more single friends than I do."

Dani: "What kind of stuff is he interested in?"

Megan: "Um, he likes sports."

Dani: "All guys like sports. That doesn't tell me anything."

Megan: "He's into computers."

Dani: "Dr. Hunt, I don't know any girls who really like computers. We just get a nerdy guy to fix them for us."

Megan: "Oh, I think he likes music."

Dani: "That's kind of a broad category."

Megan: "I have some concert tickets for next week-end. I can't go, I could give them to Barry."

Dani: "I know a friend's older sister. She's like thirty something, really into the indie music scene. She just broke up with a guy. Or maybe he went to jail, I forget. Anyway, I could ask her."

Megan: "Get back to me?"

(cut to lab scene. Megan and Dani enter.)

Megan: "Barry?"

Barry: "What now? Little green aliens have landed and you want me to take one to the Poconos?"

Megan: "Not fair. Besides, aren't the female aliens in the movies usually pretty hot?"

Barry: "Score one for you. What do you want?"

Megan: "I felt badly about the two dates I sent you on. So, this time, a friend of Dani's."

Barry: "Robbing the cradle for me?"

Dani: "She's really cool, Barry. Older sister of a friend of mine, so nobody will be asking you if you're her dad."

Megan: "I have some concert tickets I'm not using. She likes music. You don't have to eat or drink anything or even talk much, so there's almost no way for you to screw it up."

Barry: "Well, why not? I am breathless with anticipation to find out what you've gotten me into this time."

Megan: "Here are the tickets, and Ariel's number. Don't blow it."

(they exit)

Curtis: "You know, you should really consider buying a house over there in Asia. You're gonna be there a long time. Silly to just rent. Throwing money away."

Ethan: "We should really start a pool to see what happens this time. I'll put ten bucks on meth addict."

Curtis: "Ten for me on STDs, and another ten for homeless person angling for a place to stay."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)

Scene: lab again. Megan and Dani enter.

Megan: "So? How was the big date?"

Barry: "I enjoyed the concert tremendously. The Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra is a fine group of musicians. Not a big Rachmaninoff fan, but I quite enjoyed the Mendelssohn and Beethoven's Sixth. Wonderful performance."

Dani: "What did Ariel think? Are you going to call her again?"

Barry: "You haven't heard?"

Dani: "No. I tried calling her a couple of times, but it kept going to voice mail."

Barry: "Perhaps she isn't ready to talk about the experience. She might be concerned about her reputation after the other evening."

Megan: "What did you do? What did you say this time?"

Barry: "Nothing. But she, well, she slept with me."

Megan (angry): "You pig! We set you up with a nice woman, and you can't wait to sleep with her."

Barry: "I didn't sleep with her."

Megan: "You said she slept with you."

Barry: "She did. But I didn't sleep with her."

Megan: "I'm confused."

Barry: "Ariel is indeed into music. Mostly rap, hip-hop, indie rock, that sort of thing. If you recall, the name of Beethoven's Sixth is 'The Pastorale'. Quiet, peaceful, relaxing. A little too relaxing. She fell asleep. Three times."

Megan: "Oh."

Barry: "By the way, she snores. The music was quiet. People four rows away were giving us dirty looks."

Dani: "So when you said she slept with you..."

Barry: "I meant it literally. We didn't have sex, she just slept. Gentleman that I am, I stayed awake."

Megan: "Oh, God."

Barry (shrugs): "So far, I've gotten a nice steak dinner and the opportunity to attend a very nice concert. So the dates weren't a perfect match. I look forward to seeing what sort of woman you will inflict on me next, Dr. Hunt."

Megan: "Well, I think there has been improvement. You weren't screaming at each other by the end of the date."

Barry: "True, but for future reference, I generally prefer my dates to be conscious. Goes over better at trial."

Megan: "Pig. On that disgusting note, I think Dani and I have somewhere else to be."

(they exit.)

Dani (laughing): "She fell asleep. Sorry, Dr. Hunt. I should have asked you what concert the tickets were for."

Megan (smiling herself): "I guess it's pretty funny. Since it happened to Barry."

(back to lab)

Barry: "Oh yes, your pool. Definitely not a meth head; I dropped her off at her apartment, so I don't think she is homeless. I never asked about STDs, and it seems a little late to inquire."

Curtis: "I hope you like rice. And curry. All those Asian kinds of food."

Ethan: "Roll over the bets into another round? I'm thinking the next one is going to be a cat lady."

Curtis: "Sooner or later, I think Dr. Hunt is going to have to break down and hire a professional for him."

Barry: "Very funny, guys. Although it would be hilarious if she propositioned an undercover cop. I'd pay the bail money myself just to see the look on her face."

(end scene)


	13. Chapter 13

Scene: Lab. Kate enters.

Kate: "Barry. Grab a kit. I need you to accompany me to a scene down in the old warehouse district. You're driving."

Barry: "Why don't you send the wicked witch and a couple of flying monkeys?"

Kate: "Because the wicked... (catches herself) Dr. Hunt is off today to attend a school function with her daughter."

Barry: "And why my car? You don't have paresthesia. You can drive just fine."

Kate: "Where we're going isn't a very nice neighborhood. I'm afraid my car will get jacked. Nobody will steal yours. If they do, I'm sure they'll bring it back."

Barry: "I resent your disrespect of my transportation. It might be true, but still, this is my seething with resentment face."

Kate: "I'll reimburse for mileage."

Barry: "I'm feeling better now."

(cut to afterward. Again, main plot points where Kate examines the body, etc. Pick up where they are all going back around a building. Kate, Barry, Samantha and Bud.)

Kate: "I would guess from the manner of death that this was a gang killing. Probably drug-related or something. We'll run a tox screen for drugs and pre-cursors."

Sam: "Looking for drug makers as well as drug users. Smart call."

(They approach a break in the wall of the building, a boarded up doorway, something like that. About six feet deep, but no way out. Sam hears something, looks back over her shoulder.)

Sam: "Gun!"

(She tries to push Kate and Barry into the doorway. Kate ends up there, but Barry is a little big for her to push. Bud turns and sees gunman, pulls his gun. Gunshots are heard. Sam goes down, maybe because she bounces off Barry, or maybe she is hit. Barry dives inside the doorway. Firing ensues. Bud ducks into the doorway, Sam is left outside. Barry grabs her by most convenient appendage and drags her in the doorway, with her getting off a a few rounds. Bud tries to duck out and return fire.)

(Bud calls for back-up)

Bud: "He's got way more firepower than we do. I don't know if I can hold him off for long. I've only got my spare clip left. What do you have, Sam?"

Sam: "I left my spare clip in the car. I've got two rounds left."

Bud: "We're in trouble."

Sam: "I'm hit in the leg."

Kate: "Well, I'm a doctor. Let me take a look."

Barry: "Sam, you know she mostly works on dead people."

Kate: "That could be all of us if back-up doesn't get here."

Bud: "Barry, why don't you call for an ambulance while I'm trying to hold him off?"

Barry: "How about if you let me use your gun, Sam? You look otherwise occupied."

Sam: "I can't give you my department-issue firearm."

Barry: "How about if you pass out for a minute and I take advantage of the situation?"

Bud: "She looks unconscious to me. Probably the pain."

Sam: "Oh, go ahead and take it. How much damage can you do with two rounds, anyway?"

Barry takes the gun, pulls out his cell phone, starts pushing buttons.

Kate: "What are you going to do with that, update your Facebook status to deceased? Tweet 'Bang bang, UR dead gunman'?"

Barry: "I'm not addicted to my cell phone and social media like some people. I have an idea."

He takes his cell phone, turns on the camera, puts it to just poking out around the corner.

Barry: "That guy knows Bud has called it in. He's either going to have to leave or come after us real soon now. Don't waste your ammo, Bud. Make him come to us."

Barry assumes a prone position, gun hand up. Bud is above him, back to the wall. Tense moments pass. Sirens sound.

Barry (quietly): "Here he comes."

Suddenly, Barry reaches around the corner and fires, aiming his shot from the phone's camera. Hear a little bit of return fire at the same time, then it stops.

Barry: "Dropped him. I can cover you while you get his gun, Bud."

Bud: "OK."

(Bud goes out, weapon drawn, Barry looks around the corner and keeps a gun on the shooter.)

Bud: "We're clear. I've got his gun, and he's not breathing. I'll call it in."

Barry (sits up): "Still have one bullet left for Sam to bite on if you don't have any anesthetic."

(he hands her the gun back)

Kate: "I think we'll wait for the EMTs. She's bleeding, but nothing vital."

Bud: "That was one hell of a shot. How did you do that?"

Barry: "I was feeling lucky, punk."

Bud: "I'm not buying any lottery tickets today. I think we used up our quota of luck."

(cut to later. Sam is loaded into the ambulance. Kate and Barry get in his car.)

Kate: "Looks like Sam will make it."

Barry: "Well, if you're going to get shot, having a skilled medical professional on hand doesn't hurt."

Kate: "I don't think I was the only skilled professional on hand."

Barry: "Huh?"

Kate: "I saw you. Lucky shot, my ass."

Barry: "What, do you think I've been practicing this?"

Kate: "Not that specifically, but you've sure got more experience than just video games. You dropped him with a single round. Curious. From where I was, it looked as though you simply expected one shot to be enough. You were prepared to take a second, but you didn't think you'd need to. You just watched him go down. Hardly an amateur skill level. Anything you'd like to share?"

Barry: "Uh, not really. I'd prefer to keep out of the press as much as possible. I think standard procedure is to put somebody on administrative leave while a shooting is investigated. I'd like to lie low for a while."

Kate: "I'll arrange that. We can offer counseling, if you want."

Barry: "Being evaluated by a mental health professional is something I've traditionally tried to avoid."

Kate: "The department might require it before you return to work. There also might be the issue of you taking Sam's gun. I may have to give you a reprimand. Don't worry about it. Luckily, your supervisor was present, and is of the opinion that there were extenuating circumstances."

Barry: "Good to know."

Kate: "Well, nice work today, Mr. Gray. You were an impressive asset."

Barry: "Thank you, Dr. Murphy. Anything to stay off Megan's table. She would be just a little too happy to slice me open."

Kate (smiling): "She would, at that. Sadly, it's probably the best incentive I have for you to stay out of trouble."

(end scene)

Scene: A week or so later. Inquiry into the shooting of the suspect.

Head of inquiry panel: "Mr. Gray."

Barry: "Yes."

Head (reading from sheet): "These are the findings of this panel. It has been determined that the shooting in the incident on (#date, say sometime in February/March) was justified. You and your colleagues were fired upon by an assailant who possessed significantly greater firepower. It is the testimony of those present that your quick thinking and skillful action were major factors in the prevention of several fatalities, and that while we always regret the taking of a life, it would seem that in this instance you had little choice, and were merely returning fire. Accordingly, it is ruled a valid shoot, and you are further commended for bravery under fire and meritorious conduct."

Barry: "Thank you, sir."

Head: "That being said, this board does find it somewhat troubling that you, as a part-time contract employee, used an officer's weapon to accomplish the task. Even though we have indication that the officer in question was to some degree incapacitated and lacked ability to defend herself, there was still an available officer who was capable of returning fire. Proper procedure would have been to assist him, rather than taking matters into your own hands. We cannot have untrained civilians, especially those who work for us, running around shooting up the city. We therefore request that your supervisor issue you a verbal reprimand, and that you be required to undergo standard police training regarding proper procedures in using a weapon, particularly when civilians may be at risk. The shot you took, while accomplishing your objective, is considered to be one with a low chance of success, but high risk to others should you miss. After satisfactory completion of training, your supervisor may at her discretion issue you a firearm for use while on duty. That completes the findings of this board. Good day."

Barry: "My thanks to the board."

(He exits the room, with Kate, Bud and Sam. They talk as they proceed down the hallway.)

Bud: "I bet he wouldn't be talking about a verbal reprimand if somebody had been shooting at HIM."

Barry: "I'm not going to get all worked up about it. That was just legal covering liability issues."

Kate: "If only they knew how little effect any sort of disciplinary action has on you or Megan."

Barry: "Maybe you could reprimand Ethan for my actions. That might get a reaction."

Kate: "Bud and Sam, since you were witnesses to the incident, I think it would be appropriate that you also be witnesses to my reprimand. Let's get this over with."

(she clears her throat)

Kate: "Mr. Gray, if you violate protocol to save the lives of your co-workers again, I will be very unhappy with you. We will draw frowny faces all over your work space. I will require Dr. Hunt to come up with a date for you on a weekly basis, insist you give free babysitting to Mr. Morris, and take away your internet access for several hours. Oh, and no pizza and Mountain Dew for a week. Don't cross me."

Bud: "Pretty harsh. Better behave."

Barry: "I am suitably chastened. How's the leg, Sam?"

Sam: "Not bad. I'll be chasing bad guys from behind a desk for a little while, but it should heal up nicely."

Barry: "Glad to hear it. Nice job spotting the guy in the first place."

Sam: "Thanks. And thanks for defending us. The whole department is buzzing about you."

Bud: "Yeah. Talk about literally dialing up a shot. I've seen about twenty guys trying that at the shooting range."

Barry: "How's that working out for them?"

Bud: "So far, everybody sucks at it. The best can manage a decent hit about one in three times. I don't think that's going into the procedures manual any time soon."

Barry: "I'd give lessons, but it would look bad for me if I missed a bunch of times. Maybe I'll just let it pass into department lore. The legend of the cell phone shot."

Bud: "It's gonna make a great story to tell my kid some day."

Barry: "That makes it all worthwhile."

Bud (lowers his voice just a little, clears his throat slightly): "Not least because I still have a chance at telling it in person. Thanks."

Barry: "Before you get too misty-eyed, remember that I was a target, too. It wasn't all noble sacrifice. I was trying to avoid the wrong kind of involvement with the ME's office, myself. Though I do try to look out for my 'homies'."

Bud: "Homies?"

Barry: "Homicide detectives."

Bud: "You know, you keep up jokes like that, there won't be enough donuts in the world to convince cops to hang out with you."

Sam: "Hey, department tradition is that you buy the drinks after a good result from a Board of Inquiry. Where's the party going to be?"

Barry: "I was never much of one for hitting up the bars. How about we all go out for pizza after the shift?"

Bud: "I am so there."

Sam: "Me, too."

Kate: "I'll get the ME's. Sticking you with the bill might even convince Megan to show up."

(end scene)

Scene: Short teaser scene. Barry's house, after dark. He enters a bedroom that is locked with keypad/biometric access. He enters, but does not turn the lights on. We see that there are video cameras aimed out the window, and some terminals displaying security footage. All of this is concentrated on a house across the street (a cul-de-sac).

Barry: "All quiet on the Western Front. Sleep safe, little ones."

(end scene)


	14. Chapter 14

Scene: Lab. Barry is by himself. Dani comes in.

Dani: "Barry?"

Barry: "Yes, Dani?"

Dani: "I never got a chance to apologize for your date with Ariel."

Barry: "And if you notice, I have been giving you the silent treatment ever since out of spite."

Dani: "That's not fair. It wasn't really my fault. Dr. Hunt didn't tell me what kind of concert it was..."

Barry: "Dani."

Dani: "What?"

Barry: "Chill. I didn't come in to the office while they investigated the shooting. I wasn't talking to anybody because they told me not to. Not because I'm mad at you. Don't tell Megan, but the result was kind of funny."

Dani: "Oh, well, we're cool then?"

Barry: "Like Miles Davis jazz."

Dani: "What?"

Barry: "We're cool. But I expect better than this from my padawan."

Dani: "Got it."

(end scene)

Scene: Kate's office. Kate and Megan.

Megan: "So I've been trying to figure out who I can get Barry to go out with."

Kate: "Just leave the poor man alone."

Megan: "I need to know how he is sabotaging my efforts. Nobody could have three dates in a row that were that bad without it being at least a little on purpose."

Kate: "You're the one who has set these up. I think a lot of it falls on you."

Megan: "Oh, come on, those were nice women. He must be doing something wrong."

Kate: "Maybe you just aren't cut out to be a matchmaker. You were an outstanding surgeon, you are an equally fine M.E., just let it go."

Megan: "Oh, get real. A man can't fend for himself. He probably has nothing but beer and frozen pizzas in his refrigerator."

Kate: "Your concern is touching."

Megan: "I just need a way to find out what he is doing wrong."

Kate: "So send him on a date with video surveillance."

Megan: "That's not a bad idea. But you said he has some sort of intelligence background. He might spot it."

Kate: "Then you're back to plan A."

Megan: "Plan A?"

Kate: "The one where you leave him alone."

Megan: "Then he wins. I can't let that happen. What I really need is a spy. Somebody to go in undercover."

Kate: "Who are you going to get to do that?"

Megan (suddenly looking devious, and pleased with herself): "I know just the person."

Kate: "What are you going to do, re-animate the next female who comes across your table? Bride of Frankenstein?"

Megan: "I was thinking of somebody still alive."

Kate: "Who is this unfortunate soul?"

Megan: "You."

Kate: "Me? No way. No chance. I am not getting mixed up in this."

Megan: "Come on. It's just one date. How bad could it be?"

Kate: "Judging by the last three..."

Megan: "That's not fair. Look, I just need a normal person to take him out and find out what's been going on. So that I know he can't blame her. You'd be perfect. If he blames you, he's still the bad guy in the department."

Kate: "No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Not doing it."

Megan: "I think you owe me for going out with my ex. Do this for me and we're square."

Kate: "There is zero chance that I am going out on a blind date with Barry. Even if you set it up, it's kind of blindsiding him to do that, so you still don't have a valid sample for your little social experiment. A blind date that turns out to be your boss really **should** be a disaster."

Megan: "So you'd consider a regular date, just not a blind date?"

Kate: "What? That's not what I meant. And anyway, you'd still have to convince him to ask me out. This whole thing is not happening."

Megan: "If I can get him to ask you out, would you go?"

Kate: "Still a terrible idea on too many levels."

Megan: "Come on. He's the department hero of the month for that cell phone shot thing. Got all four of you out of a jam. Doesn't that make him a little bit dashing or something? You'd say no after that?"

Kate: "I would be perfectly gracious and turn him down as gently as possible."

Megan: "One date. If it's really that bad, I'll take you shopping with Lacey and me afterward. She misses you a little."

Kate: "You're really not going to let go of this, are you?"

Megan: "Do I ever?"

Kate (sighing): "All right, one date. One. Uno. If you can get him to ask me out."

Megan: "I'll manage."

Kate: "That's what I'm afraid of. If I need to bail, you need to kill somebody and get us all called in to the office."

Megan: "Deal. Todd's pretty disposable by this point. He can take one for the team."

(End scene)

Scene: Lab. Megan enters.

Megan: "Oh, Barry."

Barry: "Uh-oh. What now? Buying me a Russian bride off the internet?"

Megan: "Nothing like that at all. I just wanted to talk to you about someone I know."

Barry: "Female?"

Megan: "Yes."

Barry: "No."

Megan: "Please. It would be sort of like helping a damsel in distress."

Barry: "Her visa is expiring and she needs to marry an American to stay in the country?"

Megan: "Nothing like that. She's very nice, but went through a break-up a little while ago and I think she has been kind of lonely since."

Barry: "Really. How many cats does she own?"

Megan: "I think none."

Barry: "Is she a suspect? Is she in witness relocation? Will there be criminals shooting at me?"

Megan: "No, no, and I can't promise the last one, after all you'll be there. She just won't make it any more likely."

Barry: "Fair enough. Fifth grade drop-out who only bathes every other month? Meth addict? Do I have to pay her at the end of the evening?"

Megan: "She's presentable, has more education than you, not a meth addict and I very strongly recommend that you do not bring up the subject of paying her at the end of the evening."

Barry: "That was more Curtis' idea. I'm running low on objections."

Megan: "Good. I have two tickets..."

Barry: "No. I will take her out some place of my choosing. I'm done with your brilliant disasters."

Megan: "All right, fly solo on this one. Here's her number. Give her a call."

(she hands him a slip of paper, turns to walk out. Barry looks at the paper, frowns, then lights up.)

Barry: "Hold it right there!"

Megan: "What?"

Barry: "I know this number! This is Kate!"

Megan: "Because that is who I want you to call."

Barry: "That's not fair! You can't set me up with Kate!"

Megan: "Sure I can. What's wrong with Kate?"

Barry: "Nothing is wrong with Kate. Just a bad idea. Isn't there some department policy about dating an underling?"

Megan: "Technically, it doesn't apply to you, since you are a contract employee, not regular full-time staff."

Barry: "Still a bad idea. Is your circle of friends really this small?"

Megan: "You already agreed to ask out my friend. If you back out now it will hurt Kate's feelings. That would be worse than a date."

Barry: "Why are you doing this? You are an evil person."

Megan: "Call her. I'll check back later."

(she exits)

Barry: "Quick, somebody throw water on her. I want to see if she'll melt."

Curtis: "I thought it was just going to be a land war in Asia. This opens up a whole new front. Another continent entirely. You're going to need multiple skills. Maybe learn to eat pizza with chopsticks."

Ethan: "Maybe a whole new planet. I have to say, this is intriguing. Kind of reminds me of Star Wars, episodes two and three."

Barry: "Those sucked, and so does this."

Ethan: "As I see it, the real problem is that Dr. Hunt is part of the law enforcement community. Normally, I'd say witness relocation was the way to go, but she'd just track you down."

Curtis: "Ethan's right. You do need another planet. I hear Mars is nice this time of year."

Barry: "Shut up."

(end scene)

Scened: Kate's office. Barry stops by.

Barry: "Dr. Murphy? Could I speak with you for a moment?"

Kate: "Certainly, Barry. Come on in. Everything going OK?"

(Barry comes in, sits down. He looks most uncomfortable.)

Barry: "This, ah, this isn't exactly work-related."

Kate: "What is it? Would you like to talk to the police department counselor? You needn't be embarrassed. I stopped in there for a couple of sessions myself, just to help me cope with the stress."

Barry: "It's more stressful than that. Megan sort of maneuvered me into agreeing to ask you out."

Kate: "Oh. That. She was working on me about that, too."

Barry: "She got me to agree to ask out a friend of hers before she told me who it was..."

Kate: "Please don't feel obligated..."

Barry: "At this point, I'm not sure we have all that much choice in the matter. I like doing battle with her, but I think my retreat has been cut off. It's forward into the Valley of Death or nothing."

Kate: "Valley of Death? You really know how to charm a girl. Maybe Megan was right that it has been your fault all along."

Barry: "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

Kate: "Well?"

Barry: "Well, what?"

Kate: "Are you going to ask me out? What sort of evening does Megan have planned for us?"

Barry: "I didn't let her stage the event this time. Are you busy Saturday, early afternoon?"

Kate: "Nothing on the schedule. What did you have in mind?"

Barry: "Something casual. Dress for outdoors. Lunch included."

Kate: "OK. You have my address."

(end scene)

Scene: Barry's mini-van. On the way to the "date".

Kate: "So what are we going to do for our date? A picnic?"

Barry: "No. It's a sports venue."

Kate: "Guys always think everybody is into sports. News flash: Most women could care less."

Barry: "Good thing I didn't spend $500 a pop for 50-yard-line seats."

Kate: "Even I know that the 50-yard-line is football, and this is spring."

Barry: "You're right, I would've been cheated big-time. Here we are."

Kate: "What is this?"

Barry: "Little League. I thought we could watch some kids play."

Kate: "This is your idea of a date?"

Barry: "I thought you might need a low-stress afternoon for once. First rule, turn off your cell."

Kate: "But..."

Barry: "If it's important, they'll leave a message. What do you want to eat? Hot dog? Walking taco?"

Kate: "This concession stand looks like a health department nightmare. What's a walking taco?"

Barry: "You need to eat some crappy food once in a while. A walking taco is chili dumped on a bag of corn chips."

Kate: "Sounds disgusting."

Barry: "So order something else."

Kate: "I didn't say I wouldn't try it. Get me one of those, an apple and a Diet Coke."

Barry: "OK."

(they get their food, head to the stands, eat.)

Kate: "That food would horrify some chefs I know. I loved it."

Barry: "See? You're too tense around the office. Here."

(He moves up behind her.)

Barry: "Close your eyes. Lean your head back. (He cradles her head) Just let your arms drop to your sides. Let all the tension run out of you. Consciously relax muscle groups, starting with your face and working your way down. Now how do you feel?"

Kate: "Not bad."

Barry: "Open your eyes again."

(Barry moves back beside her.)

Barry: "Now we're going to kick back and watch a bunch of little kids play baseball. No multi-millionaires, just kids playing for fun. I got a copy of the line-ups, I'll show you how to keep a score card."

Kate: "I don't know anything about that."

Barry: "I'll teach you. It will force you to focus on the game, instead of spending all your time thinking about work while you pretend to watch. Down at the bottom is a diagram of the fielding positions: one, pitcher; two, catcher..."

(He starts showing her how keep score. Cut to different shots at various times through-out the game.)

Kate: "Wait!"

Barry: "They don't wait for you to catch up. That was a fielder's choice, out at second, the runner on third scored. Mark the run here, the out here."

(He points to places on her scorecard.)

Kate: "How do you keep up?"

Barry: "Practice. I can run the scoreboard, keep a score sheet, and announce the names all by myself."

(Another shot. Sound of baseball being hit.)

Barry (looking up): "Another thing."

Kate (trying to fix her score card): "What?"

(Barry reaches out and snags a foul ball, less than a foot from her head)

Kate: "Ack!" (she belatedly reacts)

Barry: "Always keep an eye on the ball when you are at a ball park."

(He tosses the ball back)

Kate: "Thanks."

(end scene at ball park)

Scene: Back at Kate's.

Kate: "If you had asked me to accompany you to a Little League game, I would have probably turned you down."

Barry: "That's why I didn't tell you ahead of time."

Kate: "You were right, though; it was a nice relaxing way to spend a few hours. Thanks. I had a good time."

Barry: "You're welcome. I saw the pictures on your office shelf of boys in uniforms. Nephews?"

(she nods)

Barry: "Well, now you will not only be the cool aunt who cuts open bodies, but can keep a baseball scorecard as well. Ought to be worth a few points."

Kate: "That it should. Care to come in?"

Barry: "I think I'll quit while I'm ahead. Not like it was ever a real date, anyway."

Kate: "What?"

Barry: "I'm not an idiot. I know a 'check ride' when I see one. Megan can't believe I wasn't responsible for the previous disasters, and she needed you to spy for her."

Kate: "Well, it backfired. I was happy and nothing went wrong. I have nothing bad to report back to headquarters."

Barry: "I think a lot of the credit is due to the higher caliber of woman on this outing compared to the previous ones. (he kisses her on the cheek.) See you back at the office, Kate."

Kate: "See you, Barry."

(end scene)

Scene: Kate's office, Monday.

Megan: "So? How was the big date? What blew up this time?"

Kate: "Nothing went wrong. It was the most relaxing afternoon I've had in quite a while. I enjoyed it."

Megan: "Where did he take you? A gallery opening? A movie?"

Kate: "A Little League game."

Megan: "A Little League game? I thought you said you enjoyed it. That sounds really dull."

Kate: "I'd have thought so. He taught me how to keep a scorecard, and explained all this stuff about baseball. I am going to be way better prepared the next time I watch my nephews play, and Barry was right. It forced me to focus on the game. I didn't think about anything work-related for nearly three hours. Better than a day at the spa."

Megan: "You do seem in a pretty good mood today. So Barry took you on a cheap date to a Little League game, and you had fun and there were no disasters."

Kate: "Sorry to disappoint. Barry did fine. Kind of looking like he's not the problem."

(Barry stops in)

Megan: "Barry! Did you call my friend after your date?"

Barry: "I'm never sure with you. Was this a real date?"

Megan: "Of course it was a real date. What else would it be?"

Barry: "Undercover ops."

(Kate starts hiding a laugh with her hand)

Megan: "Why would you say that?"

Barry: "Because it's true. I suppose I should have called her so as not to blow her cover. I'll fix that right now."

(he takes out his phone, Kate's starts ringing)

Megan: "She's right here, you idiot."

Barry: "Would it be better if I stepped out of the office?"

Kate: "Hello?"

Barry: "Hi, Kate. Barry."

Kate: "Oh, hello. I was hoping you'd call."

Barry: "I just wanted to let you know that I had a fine time on our date the other day, and that I find you a charming and delightful person when we can pry you loose of work responsibilities. Oh, and tell Megan she can go suck it."

Kate: "I had a good time myself, Barry. Megan, Barry says to go suck it."

Megan (making the best retreat she can, leaving the office): "I don't know why you think I can't be a matchmaker. You two deserve each other. I just can't decide if this is better or worse than him going out with my mother."

Kate: "Now, Megan, we're all adults here..."

(Megan flees, Barry and Kate hang up their cell phones.)

Kate: "So, are you going to ask me for a second date?"

Barry (surprised): "I might. I wasn't really expecting the first one. I meant what I said, though, about you being quite pleasant when we can get you out of the office. Bonus that it would annoy Megan. Not ready to pick out china patterns yet, but a low-pressure, occasional date might be nice."

Kate: "Agreed. But you have to make goo-goo eyes at me whenever Megan is around."

Barry: "I'll go practice my goo-goo eyes. Whatever that is."

(he walks out, manipulating his eyelids with his fingers)

Barry: "Hey, what would you say to a Photoshopped picture of a threesome with Joan? I can arrange to send it to Megan's phone. Totally untraceable."

Kate: "In your dreams."

Barry: "But Megan's nightmares."

(end scene)


	15. Chapter 15

Scene: Lab. Curtis and Ethan are there. Barry and Megan enter, talking.

Barry: "I think installing spyware on your own child's computer is going overboard."

Megan: "But I keep reading about all these online predators that take advantage of kids."

Barry: "Teach her how to be careful about what information she puts online. Not to post vacation plans, or what school she attends, or what neighborhood she lives in. It amazes me that people will post directions to their house on Facebook, tweet they'll be away on vacation, and then be angry when their house gets broken into. Have you talked to her about anything like that?"

Megan: "No, it hadn't occurred to me."

Barry: "You assume you can spot a child predator better than she can just because you're her mother, but you do nothing to prevent her from posting that she often stays with her divorced mom. Two women by themselves."

Megan: "Hey, women are not totally defenseless, you know."

Barry: "Yeah, I'm sure you, with your paresthesia, would do very well at defending yourself against a rapist the size of me or Bud."

Megan: "You, I'd be happy to shoot. The bullet doesn't care how big you are."

Barry: "Or they just want to steal your stuff. Lacey ever complain in a chat group about you fighting over expensive clothes or jewelry? No burglar has ever been clever enough to Google for that."

Megan: "I never thought of any of that..."

Barry: "People don't think of the consequences of social media. You have to be vigilant, keep your guard up all the time."

(Barry reaches over on his desk, grabs his open can of Mountain Dew, takes a swig, then spits into a trash can. Makes a face.)

Barry: "Yuck! Somebody's trying to poison me!"

Megan (sternly and a bit smugly): "Speaking of keeping your guard up all the time, you shouldn't leave open food and beverage containers sitting around the lab."

Barry: "And the answer is to poison me?"

Megan: "I'm sure no one is trying to poison you. Give me that."

(she pours some of the contents into a beaker.)

Megan: "Looks OK. Still carbonated, so it hasn't been out long. Same sickly green color that makes it look as though it was made from the juice of freshly squeezed tennis balls. (uses her hand to waft air toward her nose) Smells OK. No almond odor, so I guess it isn't cyanide. Too bad."

(she walks over to a sink, takes a small sip, spits it into the sink)

Megan: "Tastes like the same citrusy sugary over-caffeinated junk you always drink. I don't detect anything unusual. What made you think someone was trying to poison you?"

Barry: "It tasted really, really bitter. It's awful. How can you not taste that?"

Megan: "Maybe there's just nothing to taste."

Barry: "No, something has definitely been added to my drink."

Megan: "Don't leave open containers around the lab where they might contaminate a sample or be contaminated themselves, you pig."

Barry: "I want to run this through the mass spec and see what's in here. It might help you determine a COD after I'm gone."

Megan: "Don't be so dramatic. Nobody is trying to poison you."

Barry: "Curtis! Ethan! Who was in the lab in the last twenty minutes?"

Ethan: ""Nobody, really."

Curtis: "Just us lab rats, doing our jobs."

Barry: "Well, I'm still alive so far. Am I going to start sprouting extra toes or something?"

Ethan: "We don't have anything that would do that..."

Barry: "But you do have plenty of other stuff. Wait. Do we have any propylthiouracil around here?"

Curtis: "We have lots of things in the chemical supply cabinet. Check it yourself."

Barry (to Megan): "I told you that I'm a supertaster. You had them dose my drink. Why?"

Megan: "Don't get huffy with me. You know you're not supposed to leave open containers..."

Barry: "Couldn't you have just sent a memo? Or warned me sternly?"

Megan: "I warned you about this several times."

Barry: "I don't remember that."

Megan (smugly): "Now you will. The PROP won't hurt you. If you get thirsty, get a resealable water bottle and fill it with filtered water from the break room like everybody else. Don't leave your crap laying around our lab."

Barry: "OK, OK. Point made. You win this one. Men are pigs, we never clean up after ourselves, women are the civilized sex."

Megan: "At least you can be taught. That might put you one rung higher on the evolutionary ladder than my ex. Next stop: slime mold."

Barry: "Slime mold?"

Megan: "Maybe. If you develop a fashion sense. Something for you to aspire to."

(she turns, and leaves the lab)

(Barry starts eyeing Curtis and Ethan. Ethan starts fidgeting.)

Ethan: "She made me do it."

Barry: "Uh-huh. Good to know which side you're on in the battle of the sexes, little girl. Maybe tomorrow you can bring in your 'Hello, Kitty' lunchbox."

Ethan: "How did you know about that? That was one time in fourth grade when my mother accidentally put the wrong lunch in my backpack..."

Barry (incredulous): "You brought a 'Hello, Kitty' lunchbox to school?"

Ethan: "My sister's. Just the once. By accident."

Barry: "No wonder you're on the girl's team. Instead of asking them for dates, you should just go shoe shopping with them."

Ethan (trying for a haughty comeback): "At least I'm not sleeping with the boss."

Barry: "What?"

Curtis: "You should've stopped at the 'Hello, Kitty' story."

Ethan (trying to show resolve): "You heard me."

Curtis: "Everybody knows about you going out with Dr. Murphy. Rumors ran rampant. You know how rumors are. Rampant is the only way they ever run."

Barry: "What's the gossip?"

Curtis: "Everything. Maybe you got work here in the first place because you've been dating Dr. Murphy all along. She dropped Todd for you. The most popular version was that you used your CIA connections to find a way to blackmail her. Maybe she worked her way through medical school pole dancing and your spy buddies have records. That kind of thing."

Barry: "Listen: I am not blackmailing Kate. Anything I make here is on top of a federal pension. I can work real cheap because I'm double-dipping. That's why she was willing to give me a shot. Her budget goes further that way. I had never met her before she gave me an interview, and I did not have any secret information from the CIA about her working a strip joint, you perves."

Curtis: "What about Homeland Security?"

Barry: "No secret information of any kind. Any info I have about Dr. Murphy, she has given me herself. I went on one date, arranged by Dr. Hunt. I took Kate to a Little League baseball game, brought her back to her place and dropped her off. In the middle of the afternoon. That's it."

Curtis: "Little League baseball game? Cheapskate."

Ethan: "Did you kiss her?"

Barry: "One good-bye kiss on the cheek. Half of what you get greeting the Soviet Premier. I was a perfect gentleman."

Ethan: "Are you going to ask her out again?"

Barry: "I might. I haven't yet, nor has she asked me. She is a nice person when she isn't worrying about her incompetent staff. Good company."

Curtis: "Ethan, his love life is more boring than yours. I liked the rumors better. Had more of a James Bond edge to them."

Ethan: "Yeah, I don't think we should ask him about any dates with Dr. Murphy. We'll just fall asleep. You know - like his dates."

Barry: "Not funny."

Ethan: "I wonder if we could get Dr. Hunt to make the arrangements again? That was much more fun!"

Barry: "You two are pathetic. Go hang out online with your World of Warcraft buddies or something."

Ethan: "That is such a cool game. Do you play?"

Barry: "No."

Ethan: "Why not?"

Barry: "Games are just not as exciting to me as cyber attacking actual defense installations."

Ethan: "You did that?"

Barry: "See you guys later. I'm going to the break room to get myself some water. I still have a bad taste from the stuff you put in my drink."

(he exits)

Ethan: "Do you think he actually did anything like that?"

Curtis: "I think I don't want to know. A man could disappear asking questions like that."

Ethan: "Whoa."

(end scene)


	16. Chapter 16

Scene: lab. Megan comes in to talk to Barry.

Megan: "Hi, Barry. Got a minute?"

Barry (warily): "Depends. Are setting me up with a blind date and conveniently omitting the fact that she is a former girlfriend of a jealous crime boss?"

Megan: "Nothing like that. I was wondering if you would be willing to speak to a group of parents at Lacey's school about computer security and safety."

Barry: "Public speaking? Oh, my. I'm much too modest and shy for that. Surely you have noticed how timid I am."

Megan: "Uh huh. You're a real wallflower. It's a struggle for you even to work up the courage to hold a conversation with me."

Barry: "Yeah, you're just too intimidating."

Megan: "Come on. It would make Lacey happy. You certainly have the background to impress people with your computer security credentials. And I'd owe you one."

Barry: "That's the part I'm afraid of. The worst dates in my life were from you trying to be nice to me."

Megan: "Fine, then I won't owe you. Just do it, would you?"

Barry: "OK, I'll do it. See if I can borrow one of the school's or parent's computers that is supposedly locked down to protect children from bad guys on the internet."

Megan: "Why?"

Barry: "I'd like to show how easy it is to circumvent the typical protections. Too many people think that security is a product you can buy and then forget about it. First order of business is to demonstrate how wrong that attitude is."

Megan: "All right, I'll ask about that."

Barry: "Fine. I'll get out my big book of computer jokes to warm up the crowd."

Megan: "Oh, this can't be good..."

Barry: "I'm presuming that the ones that involve binary math or a knowledge of operating systems and programming languages probably will go over their heads."

Megan: "Good assumption."

Barry: "Let me try a couple on you. Here's one: Somebody has hacked into Bill Gates' smartphone – because, well, it **is** Windows-based. The guy found a memo on it that read: "Note to self – when the wife says we need to buy China, she means **dishes**."

Megan: "OK, that one I understand..."

Barry: "Here's one you might like. If you don't repeat it to Kate."

(Kate walks in at this point behind him.)

Kate: "Don't repeat what to Kate?"

Barry: "Oh, um... nothing. Just a computer science joke. You probably wouldn't like it."

Kate: "Tell it."

Barry: "OK. Category is fields of study in computer science. What do you call a brunette with blonde roots?"

Kate: "What?"

Barry: "Artificial intelligence."

(Kate stares him down with her best Clint Eastwood glare.)

Barry: "You know, I think I need some fresh water from the break room. Get back to me when you have a date for the parent meeting, Dr. Hunt. Bye."

(He beats a retreat out of the lab. The two women watch him leave.)

Kate (smiling): "All right, that was actually kind of funny. We can't encourage him, though."

Megan: "Absolutely not. He'll never learn his proper place otherwise."

Kate: "I need to talk to you about that hospital case from last month..."

(fade out or work in to main plot line)


	17. Chapter 17

Scene: Kate's office.

Barry: "Here are the reports you asked for. Let me know if anything isn't explained well enough for a jury and I'll go over it with you."

Kate: "Thank you. Also, I have a favor to ask."

Barry: "What?"

Kate: "I have a political event to attend Friday night. It would be helpful to me to have an escort for the evening. Since you are already aware of certain, um, circumstances, you would be ideal. I wouldn't have to carefully explain everything and be nervous that the wrong details would get out."

Barry: "Ah. I take it a certain state senator is expected to be in attendance?"

Kate: "With spouse. I've noticed that you have managed to be discreet regarding the relationship. For some reason, I trust you."

Barry: "No good will ever come of that. I suppose I don't get to wear sneakers and a "Fight the Power" T-shirt?"

Kate: "You most certainly do not. If you don't have a decent suit, get one."

Barry: "I wonder if the hardware store has any suits?"

Kate (sternly): "You will NOT..."

(She realizes he is teasing her, recovers herself.)

Kate: "Just wear appropriate attire. If you need advice, go ask Megan."

Barry: "I think I can manage to dig something out of the closet. My wife wouldn't let me wear a T-shirt to my kid's wedding, either. Women get so hung up on clothes..."

Kate: "Something your wife approved of for you to wear to a wedding sounds OK. Just try not to embarrass me with day-glo colors."

Barry: "I guess that rules out everything from the Elton John designer collection. Incidentally, if the senator's wife will be there, I'd recommend you dress down."

Kate: "That's what I was planning."

Barry: "Good. I can pick you up if you want."

Kate: "If we pull up in your mini-van, security will think it's a terrorist attack. The function is being held only a couple of blocks away from here. If you want you could bring a change of clothes, park in your regular parking spot and walk over."

Barry: "Sounds good."

(end scene)

Scene: At a political fundraiser. Very posh. Barry has managed to dress well, and Kate looks good, considering.

Kate: "Thank you for coming with me tonight. I wasn't sure you had nice clothes."

Barry: "I wasn't sure you had anything that dowdy. This may be the first time I've ever been able to compliment a woman on how poorly she dressed."

Kate: "I'm so nervous. I hope Senator Winchester's wife isn't going to come after me and cause a scene."

Barry: "I'll divert her if it comes to that."

Kate: "That's what I'm afraid of... Here they come now."

(a couple walks over to Barry and Kate)

Cole: "Dr. Murphy. How nice to see you again. This is my wife, Gail."

Kate: "Pleased to meet you. Senator, this is Barry Gray. He is a forensic data specialist who has been helping us out in the medical examiner's office from time to time."

Cole: "What is a forensic data specialist?"

Barry: "I help them out with some of the technical aspects of their investigations. Recovering data from media that was supposedly erased, tracking down social media postings, that sort of thing."

Gail: "That sounds really boring. I just want my computer to work. I don't care how. It seems as though the other work in the coroner's office would be much more interesting."

Kate: "Barry gets an occasional opportunity to go out in the field with us. In fact, he was the talk of the police department a while ago."

Cole: "Oh, why was that?"

Kate: "We were out on a run and a gunman came upon us suddenly. We were pinned down in a doorway with a couple of homicide detectives. Barry used a gun from an injured detective and shot around the corner. He aimed with his cell phone camera and dropped the guy with one shot. It was pretty impressive. He's my hero."

(Kate takes Barry's arm and moves closer.)

Gail: "How romantic. How long have you been seeing each other?"

Barry: "We started dating after that incident. Prior to that, she had been seeing the ex-husband of someone else in the office. I convinced her that I was much more dashing. And, you know..."

(Barry moves close to Gail, lowers the tone of his voice, touches her on the arm.)

Barry: "Much better in bed."

Gail: "Mr. Gray, I am a married woman. My husband is standing right here. Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself."

(she moves away)

Barry (sighs): "Of course. All the good ones are taken."

Kate (to Barry): "Are you running a fever? Because you seem suddenly delusional. I resent the false insinuation, Mr. Gray, that I am so easy that I've already slept with you. Particularly when you are trying to use me as some sort of sleazy reference for your sexual resumé."

Gail: "Thank you."

Kate (to Gail): "You don't need to take him seriously. We don't. He somehow manages to simultaneously aggravate and entertain the entire office."

Gail: "What do you mean?"

Kate: "For example: his first day, he tried to give the department the nickname of 'Kate's Body Shop'."

Cole (laughing): "That's rich. I'll call you the next time I need to write a speech."

Kate: "Unfortunately, he has plenty more material where that came from. He takes particular delight in annoying Dr. Megan Hunt, one of our assistant medical examiners."

Barry: "She deserves it for the dates she tried to set me up with."

Gail: "What?"

Kate: "Before we started going out, Megan set Barry up on a few dates. They did not go well."

Barry: "That's an understatement. I would classify them as legendary fails. My favorite was the woman who slept with me."

Gail: "We don't need to hear your bawdy tales, Mr. Gray."

Kate: "Not as bawdy as you think. She slept with him, he didn't sleep with her."

Gail: "I don't understand."

Barry: "Dr. Hunt gave us concert tickets to the symphony. My date fell asleep during the performance. So, she slept with me. Technically."

Gail (laughs): "Padding your resumé again, sir?"

Barry: "My feelings were deeply hurt. Dr. Murphy is probably just a rebound relationship."

Kate: "Thanks. You flatter me."

Barry (to Cole and Gail): "Well, at least you may sleep soundly knowing that I am keeping a watchful vigil against the zombie hordes the ME's office is trying to create..."

Gail: "What?"

Kate: "Trust me, you don't want to get him going. A driver brought in a victim who had been declared dead at the scene, but the person revived when warmed up. Barry's overactive imagination has declared this to be the first zombie in my army of the undead. I think we need to block his syfy channel."

Barry: "If the Winchesters have tired of being regaled with tales of my heroic deeds, perhaps we could discuss other topics, like politics or the economy. Hey, would you like a hot investment tip?"

Cole (interested): "What have you got?"

Kate: "I don't know what's coming, but I'm not sure you actually want to hear this..."

Barry: "Keep your money in Irish banks."

Cole: "What? Why?"

Barry (smirking): "That way, your capitol (capital) will always be Dublin (doublin')."

Gail: "That is awful. Your next investment should be to buy some decent material."

Cole: "Well, it has been charming to chat with both of you. I daresay this is likely to be the most unusual conversation of the evening, but for now I think we need to mingle a bit. Shall we?"

(he takes his wife's arm, they stroll off.)

Kate: "Much better in bed?"

Barry: "Hey, you don't know that I'm **not**."

Kate: "Granted. Dare I ask what prompted the latest performance?"

Barry: "I wanted her to totally focus on me. I want to stand out in her mind, put you in the background. I am the colorful rogue; you are merely the attractive but much duller and prudish cohort. Or did you have a different objective?"

Kate: "Ah. Well, that was nerve-wracking, but I think it turned out all right. Now I could use a drink."

(she grabs a couple of glasses from a circulating tray, hands one to Barry.)

Kate (toasting): "You handled that situation quite deftly, Mr. Gray. Thank you."

Barry: "You're welcome. You're a pretty hot date, for a frumpy zombie queen."

Kate: "Again with the flattery."

(they start to drink, Kate stops, moves to his side and leans in while he is drinking his wine.)

Kate: "Mmm... Perhaps sometime I will have to see if you really ARE better..."

(Barry starts to sputter, Kate laughs.)

(end scene)


	18. Chapter 18

Scene: Barry's house, living room, after midnight on a Sunday night. He is watching a movie. His cell phone goes off. He looks at it, then runs to a bedroom. The one with keypad/fingerprint entry. He looks at several security monitors. He switches views, and can see a van parked across the street, and can tell that there are a couple of men inside the house. Audio determines that a woman is pleading for the men not to hurt her or her sleeping daughters.

Barry: "Uh-oh."

(Typing)

Barry: "Code Red. Send team ASAP. At least 3. Will try to stop them."

He dresses in "black ops garb", then puts a robe over it to make him look more like a suburban dad. Picks up a knife, a gun with a silencer, two spare clips, and a dog collar. He then heads outside.

(cut to exterior view)

Barry (calling softly, looking around bushes, waving collar, etc.): "Ginger! Where are you, girl? Ginger!"

Barry (muttering): "Stupid mutt. Never stays in the yard."

He gradually makes his way around to the van.

Barry (to driver, with one hand under the robe, as though cold): "Excuse me, did you happen to see a little white dog come by here a little while ago?"

Driver (threateningly): "Go back in your house. Go away or I hurt you." (Driver opens the door of the vehicle.)

Barry turns, hand still inside the robe. He fires, hitting his target, then takes the gun out and fires again.

Barry (checking the body): "Teach you to take that tone with me."

Barry (looking at the robe): "I don't think my dry cleaners can get out bullet holes. Oh, well, they'd ask too many questions, anyway. You can hold my robe while I check out the party inside."

He takes off the robe and kicks off slippers, tosses them and the dog collar in the van. Now dressed in all black. He sneaks behind a row of bushes and heads toward the back yard.

(Cut to back door of house.)

Barry has a key and very quietly lets himself in. Voices can be heard in an upstairs bedroom. A man is talking, a woman is distraught. There are two men; one in a child's bedroom and one in the master bedroom at the end of the hall.

Bad guy #1: "That's it. No screaming and crying. I promise you will die quick."

Barry takes out the knife, sneaks behind bad guy #1, and slices his throat. Two little girls look on in horror. As one is about to scream, Barry puts his hand over their mouths.

Barry (whispering): "I need you to be very quiet while I try to help your mom. Go and hide under the bed. OK?"

Little girls nod, they get under the bed. Barry heads for the other bedroom. A man is toying with the mother, talking about what he will do to her or her girls.

Barry tries to be as stealthy as possible as he approaches, gun in one hand, knife in the other. The woman sees him, however, and misinterprets his intention. This tips off the man inside that something is amiss, and he turns in time to fire a gun at Barry at the same time as Barry fires at him. Both are hit, both go down. The woman screams.

Neighbors hear the gunshots and screaming and call 911. Police show up. Not long after, some black SUVs pull up. Guys start getting out of them. About this time, Megan Hunt shows up.

Fed guy (in charge of the group): "What's going on, officer?"

Policeman: "Sorry, sir. You'll have to keep back. This is an active crime scene."

Fed guy (flashing a badge): "It's my crime scene now. Department of Homeland Security. We'll take over, here and across the street."

(Megan arrives, starts to go around police tape.)

Fed guy: "Excuse me ma'am. No one is allowed in."

Megan: "I'm Dr. Megan Hunt. I'm with the medical examiner's office. I'm here because a possible homicide was called in."

Fed guy: "You will not be needed here."

Megan: "Who are you? What do you mean I won't be needed here? Someone from the coroner's office has to sign off on the case when there is a suspicious death involved."

Fed guy: "I'm with the Department of Homeland Security. We're taking charge of this scene."

Megan: "Homeland Security? What are you guys doing here? What's going on?"

Fed guy: "I'm not at liberty to discuss events here tonight."

Megan: "I'm with the coroner. You can't keep me out."

Fed guy: "Yes ma'am, I can. By force if necessary."

An ambulance arrives. Two bodies under sheets are being loaded into the ambulance. Two more are being loaded into one of the SUVs. A box truck arrives and some guys start unloading cleaning equipment and moving equipment.

Megan: "Wait. You guys can't start cleaning until we've cleared the scene. You'll destroy evidence."

Fed guy: "We're not particularly concerned with the local DA's conviction record. There isn't going to be a trial, and we already have everything we need to know about what went on here tonight."

A woman and two little girls emerge from the house. They are being led to one of the SUVs.

Woman: "It's all right girls. We're going to be OK. I know it was scary, but Mr. Gray stopped the bad guys from hurting us."

Megan: "Mr. Gray?"

She turns, sees a familiar mini-van in the driveway across the street.

Megan (to woman): "Hey! Mr. Gray? Barry Gray? What happened?"

Woman: "He lives across the street. Some men broke into our house tonight and threatened to kill us. Then Mr. Gray..."

Fed guy (loudly): "Get them out of here! In the car, now!"

The escort hustles the woman and children into an SUV, which quickly leaves.

Megan: "Was there a man named Barry Gray involved here tonight?"

Fed guy (harshly): "I can't disclose details..."

Megan: "You're going to tell me. Barry Gray worked in our office! I want to know! Now!"

Fed guy (much less stern, and more slowly): "Oh yes. I'm very sorry ma'am. I really cannot disclose situational details. It's complicated. I know the local police normally handles these incidents, but people could get hurt if too much information gets out. A mother and her two daughters barely escaped with their lives tonight. Their safety could depend on secrecy. More than that I can't tell you. You might try to contact your co-worker. If he was here tonight, though, you may not see him at work in the morning."

(end scene)

Scene: a few weeks later. Kate's office. Megan, Kate and Derek Ames.

Megan: "Barry seems to have disappeared. Thanks for looking into this. What have you got for me, Derek?"

Derek: "This was not easy. How much did you know about this guy?"

Kate: "Not all that much. He said he was recruited to a federal agency out of college, did some sort of computer security work. His wife is deceased, I think he has three kids, one still in college."

Derek: "Ever think about what it takes to be actively recruited to agencies like the NSA out of college?"

Kate: "I don't know anything about that."

Derek: "It's pretty unusual. Before there were pc's, guys like that used to spend all their time in terminal labs, accessing mainframes and mini-computers. I talked to somebody who hung out with him back in the day. He said that Barry once managed a successful escalation of privilege attack against a university mainframe."

Megan: "What's that mean?"

Derek: "Apparently, it means he was able to gain the ability to bypass every shred of security. I talked to an FBI guy who works with those kind of computers. He said that kind of attack wasn't possible on a mainframe because the hardware was designed to prevent that. It's why they still use them."

Kate: "But if it's impossible..."

Derek: "College buddy said Barry did it anyway. He programmed around the hardware security, which apparently is pretty interesting. He discussed the technique with a professor, who tipped off the black ops recruiters."

Megan: "What does this have to do with anything?"

Derek: "Just letting you know what kind of guy you were dealing with. Word is that he was just one of those people who would just come up with a weird attack nobody else had thought of. It's why they wanted him."

Megan: "We had a pretty good idea that he was somewhat unusual already."

Derek: "And he worked with some real secretive folks. Ever ask him how he ended up in Philly?"

Kate: "No. He just moved here after he retired."

Derek: "Are his children nearby? Other relatives?"

Kate: "Not that I'm aware..."

Derek: "A guy just up and moves, doesn't land anywhere near anybody important to him, and you never asked why? He owns a house in Virginia. Why move at all?"

Megan: "It never occurred to us to ask. He has a very distracting way about him."

Kate: "Like that time he spouted Latin while Curtis and Ethan snuck out of the lab. I've seen him do this. He told me that the easiest way to keep from having to answer uncomfortable questions is to distract people from asking in the first place."

Derek: "It's all smokescreen, and he was apparently very good at that. But I wondered why he came to Philadelphia, and what it had to do with whatever happened that night. I think the reason for his being here had a lot to do with the folks across the street."

Megan: "What did you find out?"

Derek: "I was able to track the woman from utility records and such. She was the widow of a guy who used to go on classified missions in other countries. I couldn't find out when he died, or where, or why, but the family seems to have moved here at almost the exact time Barry did. She has a sister nearby. The house is a rental, owned by some real estate shell company. I am sure not coincidentally, the same company owned the house Barry was living in."

Megan: "So what was Barry doing here?"

Derek: "I'm getting to that. Ever hear of signal analysis?"

Kate: "Barry mentioned that once."

Derek: "Know what it is?"

Kate: "The way he explained it, it was like being able to tell a lot about you just from knowing who you called and texted on your cell phone. You didn't need to hear the conversation or intercept the text. Sometimes just knowing the contacts is important information."

Derek: "Exactly. There is a faint whisper of a rumor that a small group of intelligence guys used signal analysis to play the stock market. If you have access to phone records, you might be able to tell when a company is ripe for a takeover, for example, and trade in their stock."

Megan: "Sounds illegal."

Derek: "I couldn't find out for sure if it was or not. Call it a gray area."

Megan: "Just what we need."

Derek: "What?"

Kate: "We've been around Barry too much. Calling it a 'Gray area' sounds like he's taking credit."

Derek: "Ah. Anyway, supposedly these guys made and hid several million offshore. They traded options on foreign markets, to keep out of sight from the SEC."

Megan: "So Barry was a millionaire?"

Derek: "Not exactly. The money, if it exists, is well hidden in accounts owned by shell corporations. It would take years to track it down. What's interesting is how it gets used."

Megan: "Certainly not on stylish clothes and fancy cars."

Derek: "No. It never shows up in significant amounts for the guys who dreamed this up. Part of what keeps them from getting caught. It gets used as a widows and orphans fund."

Kate: "What do you mean?"

Derek: "Near as I can tell, the money is disbursed to take care of the families of folks who get killed in action on secret missions. Keeps them housed, fed, educates the kids. Probably a factor in why it's still secret. Even if somebody finds out, nobody wants to rat out that kind of operation."

Megan: "So the family across the street was part of their benevolence program."

Derek: "Exactly. One hitch in this case was that whatever Dad did, he got somebody mad enough to come after the family after he was dead. I think the intelligence guys suspected they might be in danger, and Barry was picked to be their sort of guardian angel."

Kate: "Why him? He didn't seem to have field experience."

Derek: "He was able to take retirement and move here without much disruption, since his kids were grown and he wasn't married. The shadow corporation found two houses, one for her, and one for Barry on the other side of the cul-de-sac. He had the perfect strategic view to keep an eye on them."

Kate: "Barry was running some sort of surveillance operation?"

Derek: "The cleaners got rid of it fast, but I think that her house was surreptitiously wired for video and sound before the family moved in. He had line of sight, so he could track everything in the house. There are banks that aren't that well protected."

Megan: "Sure he wasn't just some pervert with a fetish?"

Kate: "Megan!"

Megan: "Somebody had to ask..."

Derek: "DHS doesn't show up in force for a Peeping Tom case. I think he was primarily there to keep an eye on things, and he was really just supposed to call it in if trouble showed up, since he only held desk jobs prior to this. Maybe he received some weapons training, just in case."

Kate: "That explains the deal with the cell phone shot. I thought that looked mighty good for an amateur."

Derek: "Yeah, all the police were impressed that he made that shot. I was intrigued by the kind of person who, under fire, would come up with the idea of using his cell phone camera in the first place. Most people would be panicking. He was not only calm in an emergency, he came up with a totally off-the-wall plan. A plan that worked. That was one weird guy."

Megan: "No argument here."

Derek: "Well, a lot of this is guess work and hearsay, but I think it's about all we're going to get. If I'm right, the guys who run this op don't want any news of it getting around."

Megan: "But what happened to Barry?"

Derek: "Don't know for sure. I tracked the ambulance with traffic cameras. Did you know there are seven level one trauma centers in the Philadelphia area?"

Megan: "Yeah, yeah. Great place to be if you get shot. What happened to him?"

Derek: "Don't know. We might never know. The trauma center lists two John Does from that night. Both were pronounced during the night. Only one ever made it to the hospital morgue, though. Body was not identified before cremation, but it was too small to match Barry."

Kate: "What are you saying?"

Derek: "There is a slight chance your guy survived, was treated at a trauma center, then pronounced dead so that they could transfer him elsewhere without leaving a paper trail."

Megan: "He might still be alive?"

Derek: "It's an outside chance. Not likely, but possible. They might just be concealing evidence of their operation. Do not dig into this. Do not talk to anyone. It could get very uncomfortable for you very quickly."

Megan: "Well, thanks, Derek. This was very interesting."

Derek: "If anyone asks, I just stopped by to see if there was any way for us to go out again."

Megan: "All right, that's the cover story."

Derek: "Speaking of which..."

Megan: "I'll think about it. I suppose it would help the story if we went out once or twice."

Derek: "I'll call you."

(he exits)

Kate: "Apparently, our Mr. Gray went a lot deeper than we thought."

Megan: "It's a shame. I was just learning to tolerate him."

Kate: "You were?"

Megan: "In small doses. When he wasn't being a pig."

(Her phone buzzes slightly. She looks at it.)

Megan: "Why are you texting me? I'm right here."

Kate: "I didn't text you. I turned my phone off when Derek came by. I think I'm starting to go through withdrawal."

Megan: "Well, it says I have a message from you. It says 'U refer 2 me as the most famous Notre Dame football player ever, but U R dyslexic.'"

Kate: "I certainly didn't send that."

(Peter walks by outside the office. Megan gets up and calls to him from the doorway.)

Megan: "Hey, Peter!"

Peter: "Yes, Megan?"

Megan: "You like sports. Who's the most famous Notre Dame football player ever?"

Peter: "Tough call. I think they have like 7 Heisman winners. Joe Montana has won 4 Super Bowls, so he's pretty well known. Going back a ways, there's the Four Horsemen. Most famous ever though, I'd say it was George Gipp. Ronald Reagan played him in a movie. He's the guy the 'win one for the Gipper speech is about'."

Megan: "I wonder what that... Wait! Gipp backwards, the way a dyslexic might read it, would look like – pig!"

Kate: "And?"

Megan: "I may have referred to Barry as a pig a few times. Not that he didn't deserve it."

Kate: "I had him clean up my phone once. He might have cloned it. If he copied my sim card, he could have sent you a text and had it look as though it came from me."

Megan: "Maybe he's alive, and this is how he is letting us know!"

Kate: "He might be in hiding. Maybe he did this to give us a hint that he's OK."

Megan: "This is so great! Now I just have to find him!"

Kate: "Why?"

Megan: "So I can kill him. Shame on him, letting us worry like that..."

Kate rolls her eyes.

(end scene)

#This would take things about to the end of season 2. If there is a season 3, maybe he'll be back. And since you've read this far, here is the where the name came from: Barre Gray (pronounced like Barry Gray) is the trade name for the grayish, black-and-white speckled granite from a quarry in Graniteville, VT. It is often used in memorial stones and grave markers because it is durable and highly resistant to weathering. So a guy who works in a morgue is named after tombstone material.


	19. Chapter 19

#note: This is a small extra, based on events in the series episode "Identity", original air date 3/13/12. Spoiler alert if you haven't seen that one. That being said, the sub-plot involving Lacey was an excruciatingly dull way to treat the subject of her illness. What, are these guys deliberately trying to tank the Nielsens? It had all the excitement of having Ben Stein read a Diabetes Association brochure. Here is an example of how they might have made the message interesting enough to keep the audience awake long enough to hear it.

Scene: Lacey's hospital room. Megan is there. Barry enters with a "bouquet".

Barry: "Hi, Lacey. I heard you were laid up, so I brought flowers."

(He holds out his hand.)

Megan: "Seriously? You brought a bouquet of dandelions? Are you four years old?"

Barry: "Hey, when Lacey was four, I bet she brought you something like this all the time, and you told her it was wonderful."

Megan: "Yeah. Because she was four. Cheapskate. Couldn't come up with ten bucks for actual flowers?"

Barry: "I thought I'd just go in the rest of the gang and get something more impressive for the funeral. Why spend the money twice? I'll just need to buy another bouquet in, what? A month?"

Lacey (sounding scared): "Mom!"

Megan (furious): "You jerk! How dare you come in here and scare her like that! What is the matter with you? This is not 1875, diabetes is a very manageable illness, not a death sentence. Google it and learn something."

Barry: "Manageable? Is that what you've been telling her?"

Megan: "Of course it is."

Barry: "Lacey, I'm going to level with you. This is a really big deal. The dream is dead. Your hopes of an NFL career are just about gone."

Lacey: "Uh, Barry? I'll be lucky to make it to 5'2", and I'm a girl. Who doesn't play football. I think not making it to the NFL won't be too bad."

Barry: "Well, there have been a few players with diabetes, but it makes it much more difficult, especially for a short girl. And not just the NFL. Combat duty, test pilot and astronaut are pretty much out the window, too."

Lacey: "A lot of people live happy lives right here on the ground, not getting shot at. I was hoping more for a career in art."

Barry: "Lots of people want careers in art, Lace. It's tough to find a paying job. I myself was interested in the highly competitive field of artistic floral arrangement, but had to settle for computer work."

Megan: "To the relief of florists everywhere."

Lacey: "But what does that have to do with diabetes?"

Barry: "Well, nothing, really. I think a diabetic could be an artist. All you need is talent and wealthy suckers, er, patrons, to buy your stuff. Come to think of it, the talent isn't even all that necessary if you can find the patrons."

Megan: "Any other misinformation you care to disseminate, there, sunshine? Any more things to tell her she can't do?"

Barry: "That's about all I've got. If she's going to set her sights that low, I guess she'll have a fairly normal life, as long as she is conscientious about it. With a type A mother like you around, she could live for weeks. Months, even."

Megan (angrily): "Get out of this hospital, you moron. You are forbidden to have any contact with my daughter again. I don't want you scaring her like that."

Lacey: "Uh, Mom?"

Megan: "Yes, dear?"

Lacey: "It's OK."

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Lacey: "All the doctors, and you, and Grandma, were all so serious and worried-sounding. It's scary. He's the first one to come in and tease me. Somehow, when he jokes about it, it's the first time it really feels like something I can actually live with."

(Barry lets a hint of a supercilious smile come to him.)

Megan: "Well, honey, your life isn't over, but this is serious. You will have to be careful."

Barry: "And I'll be around to give your mother a reminder once in a while that you are a person, not a disease. And before she kicks me out..."

(He reaches into a shopping bag he was carrying.)

Barry: "I picked up a drawing pad at the art supply store. I figured artists are always short on supplies, and you'd rather have that than flowers. The dandelions are starting to get pretty wilted, anyway. This will give something to occupy yourself while you are recuperating."

Lacey: "Cool!"

Barry: "Well, I'll be getting along. I don't want to stay too long. I might catch diabetes or something."

Megan (annoyed): "You can't catch diabetes like that, you idiot."

(Lacey laughs. Barry smiles.)

Megan (backing down): "Which, of course, you knew. Look, Lacey, this is going to be something of an adjustment for me, too."

Barry: "See you around, Lacey. Let me know if you need any help managing your mother's care. I'm there for you 3 and 3/7ths."

Lacey: "I will. Thanks for the art tablet."

Megan: "What does 3 and 3/7ths mean?"

Barry: "I prefer mixed numbers to improper fractions. I wouldn't want to say anything improper in front of a young and impressionable girl."

Megan: "Improper? What are you...? You goofball. 24/7 is not a fraction, it's just an expression. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And of all the things you have said to women that might be considered improper, fractions are where you suddenly start being modest?"

Barry: "Gotta start somewhere. Ta ta. Wait, can I say ta-ta, or is that bad, too?"

Megan: "OUT!"

(end scene)


	20. Chapter 20

Scene: Hospital loading dock. A guy in scrubs waits with a body on a gurney. A driver from the ME's office pulls up.

Driver: "I got a text that I was supposed to pick up a body here?"

Guy: "Yeah, here you go."

Driver: "What's the story on this one?"

Guy (shrugs): "I don't know, I don't make the decisions around here. They just told me to cart him down here and wait for you. Somebody must have noticed something that requires the ME to sign off on it."

Driver: "OK. Sign the form and we'll be on our way."

(Loads the body into the vehicle.)

(Cut to morgue.)

Driver (to Megan): "Here's your delivery."

Megan: "We weren't expecting anything."

Driver: "I got a text from Dr. Murphy to go pick him up from the hospital. Middle-aged white male, no ID."

Megan (calling out): "Dr. Murphy! Kate, were we expecting a delivery?"

(Kate enters the morgue.)

Kate: "I wasn't expecting anything."

Megan (eyes on Kate): "The driver said you texted him for a pick-up."

Kate: "I haven't texted anybody."

(Suddenly the "corpse" sits up, and noisily plants a big kiss on Megan's cheek. She screams and steps back.)

Barry: "Miss me?"

Megan: "If I had missed you, rest assured that I would re-load and fire again. What the hell are you doing here? And why were you picked up at the hospital?"

Barry: "They have free visitor parking."

Megan: "How did you get a pick-up?"

Barry: "I offered a homeless guy free scrubs to stand by the gurney for a few minutes."

Kate: "Wait – the driver said I texted him."

Barry: "See, Megan, everybody is in on it."

Kate: "I am definitely not in on any prank of yours, Mr. Gray. I believe you cloned my phone. Hand over the sim card."

Barry: "You law enforcement types are way too uptight."

Kate: "I'm waiting."

Barry: "Aww..."

(hands over a sim card.)

Kate: "And the back-up."

Barry: "Geez, you take a little vacation for a few weeks and Kate starts running the place like it was a regular office or something."

(hands over another sim card.)

Kate: "So what are you doing here?"

Barry: "What better place to be resurrected than the morgue known for its zombies? I am here to sign up for your army of the undead. Thought you might be a little short-handed. And I was kind of hoping that with all the other distractions, you might not have gotten around to taking me off the contract employee list."

Megan: "We are not recruiting zombies. Too bad you weren't around during our plague. We could have used you as a guinea pig."

Barry: "I think God normally only sends one plague at a time. It's a sequence: plague, demand repentance, another plague, and so on. So, naturally I had to be out of town when you got hit with the other one."

Kate: "We are a little light on staffing. But why come back here? Your cover is kind of blown."

Barry: "I rented out my house in Virginia long-term, so I can't go back there until the tenants leave. I can't watch over anybody any more, because I would be too easy to track. I'd just end up leading the bad guys to the folks I was trying to protect. So I thought I might see if my ME buddies needed a hand."

Megan: "You don't have any buddies in this office. You're too annoying."

Barry: "I thought I could at least stop in and say hello. Plus I wanted to thank you personally, Dr. Hunt."

Megan: "Thank me? Thank me for what?"

Barry: "The way I hear it, you saved my girlfriend's life. Thank you for that."

Kate: "Your girlf...? I am NOT... (recovers) Mr. Gray, if I considered myself your girlfriend, I would be extremely upset with you for not greeting me first, and for kissing another woman in front of me."

Barry: "Uh-oh. Women are so touchy."

Kate (starts to leave): "This is me, stalking off in anger. See my frowny face? You had better start checking the local restaurants. It is going to be several expensive dinners and a lot of fine wine before I am even talking to you again."

Barry: "Not going according to plan."

Kate (turns back): "And Dr. Hunt? I believe we were criticized earlier for losing a dead person? I am pretty sure the critic proposed that the first rule of the morgue should be that dead people stay dead."

Megan: "I think I remember that..."

Kate: "So are you going to enforce that rule or not?"

Megan (evil grin): "With pleasure, boss."

(Megan picks up a couple of dangerous-looking instruments.)

Barry (hurriedly hops off the table, hurriedly removing the sheet or body bag and avoiding Megan): "OK, really not going according to plan now. Megan, get away from me."

Megan (very pleased): "It was your rule. It's your own fault. The best part is, you were listed as dead when you came in here, so I have the perfect alibi..."

Barry (dodging her around the table, tries to make it out the door): "Curtis? Ethan? Anybody? Help!"

(end scene)


	21. Chapter 21

Scene: Friday afternoon. Megan dropping Lacey off at a friend's house, after school.

Megan: "OK, you have everything for your sleep-over at Brittany's? You have your insulin and you will remember to check in with me?"

Lacey (major eye roll): "Yes, Mom. Quit treating me like a baby. I'm old enough that other people could hire me as a sitter for their kids."

Megan (sighs): "I know, sweetheart, but this is your first sleepover since your diagnosis. I know you're a capable young woman, but I worry anyway."

Lacey: "Brittany and I are going to order pizza for supper, and her parents will be home by 7. We'll be fine."

Megan: "Have a good time. Don't answer the door for any rapists or murderers."

Lacey: "I promise that if some creepy-looking guy rolls up in a windowless van marked 'Criminals R Us', we won't open the door."

Megan: "See? That's all I ask..."

Lacey (exiting the car): "Later, Mom."

Megan: "I'll pick you up tomorrow after lunch, honey. Have a good time."

(end scene)

Scene: Interior of home where Lacey will be staying overnight, approximately 6 p.m. Doorbell rings.

Brittany: "That must be the pizza. I wonder if it's a cute delivery guy?"

Lacey: "Dibs if it is."

Brittany looks out the window and sees the pizza delivery sign on top of the car, opens the door. Two men in hoodies grab her, open a pizza box which has not pizza, but cloth with something like chloroform.

Brittany (screaming): "Help! Lacey! Call 911!"

(hand goes over her mouth)

Kidnapper #1 (holding Brittany): "She's got somebody with her. Get the other kid!"

Second kidnapper grabs Lacey as she tries to get her phone out of her purse, general scuffle, both girls are subdued and taken out to the car, which drives off.

(end scene.)

Scene: Megan's place. Phone rings (landline). Time is a little before 7 pm.

Megan: "Hello, Mrs. Carter. How are the girls? Is Lacey doing OK?"

(listens)

"No, I don't know where they are. I dropped off Lacey after school. That was about 4."

"Have you tried calling Brittany? No answer? I'll try Lacey on my cell."

(tries calling Lacey)

"I'm not getting an answer from Lacey, either. She knows better than that. I'll keep trying Lacey and you keep trying Brittany. Is there any place they might have gone? Any place Brittany and Lacey might have gone with some boys that stopped by and picked them up? All right, I'll call you back every half hour."

Megan hangs up, looking very worried.

Scene: a truck stop. A man places two calls, makes it a conference call, then brushes past a mother and discreetly drops it into a diaper bag.

Cut to Brittany's house.

Mrs. Carter: "Hello? Brittany?"

Scrambled voice: "Brittany isn't available right now, Mrs. Carter. If you want to see her again, you have 24 hours to come up with $4 million in cash or metals. Or you can try the installment plan. Half a million for each arm, a million for the head. We're willing to make delivery piecemeal."

Phone goes dead.

Cut to Megan's place. Phone rings again.

Megan: "Hello? Oh, hello Mrs. Carter. Please tell me you've heard from the girls... They what? Have you contacted the police? Oh, dear God... I'll be over as soon as I can."

end scene.

Scene: Carter house. Swarming with police, detectives, crime scene guys. A detective is interviewing Megan.

Detective: "So you dropped off your daughter around four. Did she say the girls had any plans to go anywhere?"

Megan: "No, I was pretty clear on that. Lacey said they were going to stay in and order pizza."

Detective: "We're tracking down the pizza order. Anything else you can think of?"

Megan: "I'm with the ME's office. Do you think this was somebody trying to get back at me?"

Detective: "It doesn't look that way. It appears to be a straight-up kidnapping for ransom. The occupant of the house seems to be the primary target. Your daughter might have simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. We're trying to run down the phone the ransom demand was placed from."

Megan: "Detective, my daughter was recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. She needs her insulin."

Detective: "I'll make everyone aware of that, Dr. Hunt. We know you're with the ME's office. We're putting as many people on this as we can. For now, you're better off just going home. We'll let you know as soon as we find out anything."

Megan: "I can't go home, I'll go crazy. Maybe I'll go in to the office. You have my cell. Call me."

Megan goes to the Carters.

Megan: "Mr. and Mrs. Carter – I'm Megan Hunt. I don't think we've met, except over the phone."

Mr. Carter: "I'm Michael, and this is Brittany's mother, Denise. I'm sorry we have to meet like this. I'm even sorrier your Lacey was caught up in this."

Mrs. Carter: "You work in the coroner's office?"

Megan: "Yes."

Mr. Carter: "Can you use your connections to make the case a priority?"

Megan: "It looks as though it already is a pretty high priority, Michael. If we get too many more CS people in here, they might start compromising evidence."

Mr. Carter: "We'll do anything to get our daughter back, and yours. Pay the ransom, trade ourselves for the girls, anything..."

Megan: "I feel the same way. It's very difficult to stand by and wait."

Mr. Carter: "I'm used to getting people together and getting things done. I want to do something."

Megan: "I know the feeling. I see you have a very nice home. What do you do for a living?"

Mr. Carter: "I'm a metals broker. I supply industrial metals to manufacturers in the region. Cadmium, titanium, zinc, things like that."

Megan: "Would any of those be precious metals, Michael? Gold, silver, platinum, anything like that?"

Mr. Carter: "Sometimes. In fact, we just got a shipment of platinum in yesterday for a catalytic converter company in Ohio. It's used for emissions control in cars."

Megan: "Did you happen to mention that to the detectives?"

Mr. Carter: "Not yet. Is that important?"

Megan: "How much is it worth?"

Mr. Carter: "About five million dollars or so, depending on the market. Prices have been high lately."

Megan (trying to control herself): "If you want something to do, why don't you go tell this to the detectives, Michael? Now."

Mr. Carter: "OK."

He leaves to talk to a detective.

Megan: "I think I'll go in to work and make sure our lab guys are ready for any evidence that turns up. I'll stay in touch, Denise."

Mrs. Carter: "All right. Here are both of our business cards, with our cell phone numbers. The detectives wanted us to keep the land line clear for any calls from... from the kidnappers."

Megan: "Stay strong. We'll deal with this."

Megan turns and starts to leave, muttering to herself.

Megan: "See what Barry has to say this time. 'Please don't talk to the witnesses, Megan, you tip our hand.' At least I can figure out how the kidnappers intend to get paid. Those moron detectives didn't even ask about the Carters' money."

"I guess I'll call Kate and let her know what's going on..."

She pulls out a cell phone.

(end scene)

Scene: ME's office, Friday evening. Megan enters.

Kate: "Megan! Everybody's here. We're all ready to help any way we can."

Sam: "I'm here, too. I talked the boss into letting me be your liaison. I've got my guys letting me know about any developments. Bud is out in the field."

Megan: "Thanks, you guys."

She hugs Sam.

"It means a lot. Did they have any luck tracing the cell phone in the ransom call?"

Sam: "Yes and no. They finally tracked it down to a very surprised family on their way to Illinois. Apparently, one of the kidnappers created a conference call, then slipped the phone into a diaper bag at a truck stop. We're trying to run down the other end, but not expecting much."

Barry: "These guys are pretty good."

Megan: "I was hoping for friends who would comfort me in a crisis. Somehow you are not my first choice for a sympathetic ear, Mr. Gray. Why are you here?"

Barry: "Oh, I was getting bored at home. My girlfriend decided she was busy tonight. Some lame excuse about an office emergency. I hope she's not breaking up with me."

Kate: "I'm not your girlfriend, and we had no plans for the evening. Keep up the annoying remarks and you can look elsewhere for a boss pretty soon, too."

Barry: "The women in this office are always so touchy. I think they must be sexually frustrated."

Kate: "MR. GRAY!"

Barry: "What? OK, maybe it's the shoes. I'll get you guys some of those gel inserts they show on the commercials. People who have those seem so much more easygoing."

Megan: "Why don't you get some for your mouth? Since that's where your foot usually is. Or you could just go home, instead of distracting us from our work."

Bob: "Nobody complained until you showed up. I'm just hanging out, video chatting with some friends. Discussing the issues of the day."

Megan: "My daughter has been kidnapped, and you're video chatting. So supportive, Barry. And since when do you have friends?"

Barry: "My mother has been paying them to be my friends for years. I've got receipts."

Megan: "Whatever she pays, it can't be enough. Are you sure they're not imaginary?"

Barry: "Let me make introductions and you can decide for yourself. Dr. Megan Hunt, this is Chuck Mitchell, Andrea Hosinski, and Bob Kilroy. Also present on our end are Dr. Kate Murphy and officer Samantha Baker. Discussion topic of the day, if you care to join in, is crime in America."

Chuck: "I've got the negative position. I'm against it."

Andrea (eye roll): "Chuck..."

Chuck: "I didn't want somebody else taking credit for my ideas. Megan looks kind of hot, I just wanted to jump in before Bob did. (starts singing, to the tune of 'Stacy's Mom') Lacey's mom, has got it going on..."

Bob: "Shut up. You can drool over Dr. Hot Chick later."

Megan: "Dr. Hot Chick? How do you make a compliment sound so demeaning?"

Bob: "Practice. Did I get the name wrong? I'm not great with names. I know it starts with an 'H'..."

Megan (to Barry): "Where did you get these guys? How did you find the only people in the country dorkier and more annoying than you?"

Andrea: "Hey!"

Megan: "Sorry! I've been under some stress today."

Barry: "Chuck is with NSA, Andrea is with DHS. I've worked with them before, and they are pretty resourceful folks. I thought I might turn them loose on this case."

Megan: "I see. Which government agency are you with, Bob? FBI? CIA?"

Bob: "BPS."

Megan: "BPS?"

Bob: "Boston Public Schools. I teach some programming classes at one of the high schools."

Megan (to Barry): "This is your crack team? A high school teacher?"

Bob (imitating Darth Vader): "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Barry: "Oh, now you've done it. You went and triggered his 'famous quotes' mode. I hope you're well read and up on classic movies. Bob, did we interrupt movie night?"

Bob: "The Last Starfighter. One of my favorites. They listed a Cray computer in the credits."

Megan: "I get that you're asking your black ops friends for help, but where did you meet this guy?"

Barry: "College. We roomed together, hung out all the time in the computer labs. (mutes his microphone, turns with his back to the screen) He's like this total savant data mining guy. Best I've ever seen at spotting patterns in data, and finding significance in seemingly random things. Trust me, you want him on the team. (unmutes)"

Bob: "Anyway, guys, Lacey doesn't have much time – maybe only a day or two at best, so we really have to get cracking."

Megan: "Hold it. What do you mean, only a day or two?"

Bob: "Hasn't anybody talked to her yet?"

Barry: "I don't think so..."

Megan: "What do you mean? Tell me."

Barry: "Well, I called these guys in when I heard about Lacey. Bob is the tactical expert, and is a little apprehensive."

Megan: "Tell me."

Bob: "It was my sit rep, I'll take the heat."

Megan: "Sit rep?"

Bob: "Situation report. Megan, my expectation is that the longevity of a kidnap victim is proportional to the perceived utility to the kidnapper."

Megan: "Obvious. So?"

Bob: "So the primary target was not your daughter, making Lacey expendable. Her diabetes makes her even more of a liability. How much insulin does she have?"

Megan: "If she still has her purse, maybe enough for the week-end."

Bob: "That's a big if. She might be useful to keep the target in line and cooperative, but the kidnappers can get rid of her and still have leverage against the parents. They would certainly not attempt to obtain insulin for her. I just hope they don't decide to use her to send a message to the other parents."

Megan: "Oh, God. You're right. Oh, my baby! I have to find her!"

Bob: "Somebody over there give Dr. Mom a hug or a sedative or something. We don't have time to waste holding her hand."

Megan (angrily): "That's my daughter out there!"

Bob: "Yeah. But I'm not convinced your local constabulary appreciates the full urgency of the situation."

Sam (defensively): "We have everybody we can spare working on this."

Bob: "Did they tell you not to talk to Megan about the possibly shorter time frame for Lacey than for Brittany?"

Sam: "No."

Bob: "Then it's likely they haven't figured it out yet. Or they never thought much of Lacey's chances in the first place. They may think her abductors have gotten rid of her already."

Megan (furiously): "Don't you dare think that about my little girl!"

Bob: "I'm afraid it is not rational to think this will be a survivable event for your daughter."

Megan (screaming): "Shut up! Why are you talking to me this way? What is the matter with you? Are you insane?"

Bob: "Why does everyone always ask me that? Lucky for you, adhering to the rational viewpoint is not a requirement for us insane people. We're crazy enough to think we can find her. I've always wanted to fight a desperate battle against incredible odds."

Barry: "You're the one who's incredibly odd, you gung-ho iguana."

Bob: "Hey! Just for calling me odd, I'm doubling my fee."

Megan: "Gung-ho iguana?"

Barry: "We're trading movie lines. He was watching 'Last Starfighter'. Told you. Keep up."

(to Bob)

"Didn't you already brag to me that you fought a desperate battle like that in those war games ten years ago? You claimed you inspired a rag-tag bunch of Iraqi mis-fits on to victory against the whole U.S. Army."

Chuck: "You're that guy? I've heard about you. I know some folks in a five-sided building that hate your guts."

Bob: "Yeah, but that was just a simulation. This time, it's for real."

Megan: "What on earth are you guys jawing about?"

Barry: "I don't have time to explain everything. Just go with me on this. A guy who can outwit the best planners in the Pentagon is the kind of guy I want on my side."

Bob: "Here's a helpful quote for you: Death is a primitive concept. I prefer to think of it as battling evil in another dimension."

Barry: "Are you watching your movie in another window on your screen?"

Bob: "Might be."

Megan: "My child is missing and you're watching a movie?"

Bob: "Multi-tasking. Relax, I can keep an eye on data analysis, watch a movie, and annoy you all at the same time. Because I'm just that good."

Kate (realization hits): "Holy crap!"

Barry: "What?"

Kate: "It just occurred to me. The inflated egos, the snarky way of talking to Dr. Hunt, the high level of expertise..."

Sam: "So?"

Kate: "Barry's got himself a whole team of Megans! Maybe some of them not as mentally stable, but even more annoying."

(Barry laughs)

Megan: "I'm not sure whether to be insulted or relieved."

Bob: "You're thinking small. Why not both?"

Kate: "I'm actually starting to feel slightly better about this. Only slightly, but it's something."

Barry: "OK, everybody, let's get ready to light this candle. Bob, your guys ready to go?"

Bob: "Should be ready soon. Andrea, can you send me some sample data from previous requests?"

Andrea: "On its way."

Chuck: "Barry, we have reason to believe this is still local, right?"

Barry: "So far, that's the indication."

Chuck: "I've adjusted the conversation analysis programs for the Philly metro area. Or I would have, if they existed. I'll let you know if anything turns up. Unfortunately, the bad guys are likely settled in for the night and won't get chatty until tomorrow."

Barry: "Understood."

Andrea: "Dr. Hunt, you work for the medical examiner's office, is that correct?"

Megan: "Yes."

Andrea: "And your mother was a judge until recently?"

Megan: "Yes. So?"

Andrea: "Sounds to me like this is potential terrorist activity against government officials. That's my story, anyway. Escalates the priority, and provides at least a flimsy excuse for what we're doing. They should be starting to send you guys data in a few minutes, Bob."

Bob: "Cool. Nice, categorizing this as a possible terrorist action. That's why you're the external meatware interface."

Megan: "External meatware interface?"

Barry: "'Meatware' is people. Translation: She actually knows how to be nice to people, and get them to help us."

Megan: "You guys are so weird..."

Bob: "My teams are starting to show up to the computer labs. I'll start them normalizing the data so we can have a consistent search view. They'll work all week-end for the pizza I'm sending them."

Megan: "Teams? Of what? High school kids?"

Bob: "I've got former students in computer science programs at M.I.T. and Carnegie Mellon. They called in all their friends for my impromptu data analysis challenge. You have your CS people, I have mine."

Megan: "CS people?"

Bob: "You have Crime Scene guys, I have Computer Science. Both CS. I'll have a dozen or so at each site."

Megan: "You've got college students on a Friday night?"

Bob: "Of course. They're computer science majors at top-level engineering schools. No class tomorrow. They're free tonight. What else would they be doing?"

Megan: "I don't know, don't college students still go out on dates on Friday nights?"

Bob: "You're adorable. What part of 'computer science majors at top engineering schools' made you think they have dates on Friday nights? Barry, I'm gonna check out for a while. I have teams to organize."

Barry: "You have enough computing power?"

Bob: "I've got 10 terabytes of disk space locked in on my Rackspace account and 512 CPU cores all ready to go, more of everything available if we need it. I know it looks like the team is up against it, things are all wrong and the breaks are beating the boys, but we'll go in there with all we've got. Go Megans."

Barry: "OK, I'll check in with you in an hour or two."

Megan: "What was he babbling about now?"

Barry: "That's the 'win one for the Gipper' speech. If you paid attention to college football, or old sports movies, or Ronald Reagan, you'd know these things."

Megan: "I've heard the phrase 'win one for the Gipper', but I guess I never really knew what it meant. I'm a single mother whose only child is a girl. I probably wouldn't know when the Super Bowl was if it weren't for the parties. Just to take my mind off things, explain."

Barry: "Didn't Kate text you about George Gipp?"

Megan: "Nobody believes that was Kate, and it still doesn't mean I know anything about whoever this George Gipp guy is."

Barry: "George Gipp was a star football player in the early 1900's at Notre Dame under the legendary coach Knute Rockne. He died of strep throat in 1920, not long after the last game of the season. Eight years later, in a game against an undefeated, powerhouse Army squad, Rockne supposedly rallied a mediocre Notre Dame team with a stirring halftime speech about how Gipp, on his deathbed, had asked that someday they go out and win a game in his memory. It's the quintessential emotional appeal in sports history."

Megan: "I never heard of this."

Barry: "There was a movie. George Gipp was Ronald Reagan's most famous role. Before he was cast as president."

Megan: "Dare I ask how the game turned out?"

Barry: "It was a scoreless tie at halftime when Rockne gave the speech; Notre Dame won 12-6. It kept them from being his only team with a losing record. This is Bob's way of reminding us that the game isn't over yet, and he still thinks we can win."

Megan: "Yeah, how exactly does he think we will win?

Barry: "Bob and I came up with an idea. We can't trace the girls by their cell phones, the kidnappers ditched those already. And the ransom call phones won't help. But we figure that the bad guys probably had other phones with them to talk to each other. Even if you don't make calls, any cell that is on makes contact with the tower. It is soon enough that the companies should still have that data available."

Megan: "How does that help?"

Barry: "We're going to try and guess the kidnappers' regular cell phones based on what devices were in communication with nearby towers at the time of the kidnapping. If we can figure that out, maybe we can determine their current location. Of course, since the kidnappers weren't kind enough to inform us which carrier they use, we have to look at all the data from every service provider."

Megan: "You mean every cell phone tower in range of the house?"

Barry: "Yes. The towers in suburban areas have a range of roughly a few miles. Then every cell phone, every tablet, every device that was turned on and communicating with nearby towers. And we're looking at everybody who was nearby after school and during evening commute. That's a lot of people cruising through the area."

Megan: "That's a lot of phones. Kind of like looking for a needle in a haystack."

Barry: "Mythbusters did it. Actual needle in a haystack, I mean. But that's why Bob has a bunch of programmers helping him, and rented time from a server provider. Lack of computer resources will not be a problem. He's buying plenty."

Megan: "That sounds expensive. And he said he was going to double his fee..."

Barry: "He was only pretending to be insulted. Funny thing, when you double zero... still surprisingly affordable."

Megan: "What was Chuck talking about with the conversational analysis?"

Barry: "Story is that NSA or somebody has a big bunch of computers that listen for keywords terrorists might use. Nobody has ever really admitted to the universal wiretap, but I think Chuck is telling us there might be such a thing in reality, and he is going to tune it to see if anything pops for this case. He just has to wait for them to talk to each other, which might be a while."

Megan: "Andrea is the meatware interface?"

Barry: "Among other things, she is a liaison from DHS to phone and data service providers. She knows who to talk to when we need data in a hurry. And she was willing to be flexible on legal niceties."

Megan: "You have quite the group of friends."

Barry: "Mom will be pleased that you think her money is well spent. There's no guarantee, of course, and we would all like nothing better than for Philly PD or the FBI to totally scoop us and rescue the girls sometime in the next 20 minutes. If that doesn't happen, at least my guys are working on a possible plan B."

Megan: "It doesn't sound easy, but it's at least not hopeless."

Barry: "The abductors have clearly planned well against conventional law enforcement ways to track them down. That conference call trick was really slick. We're going to hit them with less conventional approaches. In the mean time, what do we hear from the the beat cops, Sam?"

Sam: "Ransom call phone is a dead end, but we expected that. We're trying to run down information about the platinum shipment, but it's a little slow going. There are companies we'd like to talk to, but it's difficult finding anybody on a Friday night."

Kate: "No doubt that was part of the plan. Maybe something will turn up."

Sam: "Bud and the guys are going to try and interview people who work at Mr. Carter's firm. Maybe something will turn up."

(end scene)

Scene: Bud and other police entering an apartment. Usual stuff of "clearing" rooms, etc.

Bud: "Nobody home. Get some CS techs in here. I want to know where these guys shop, where they eat, where they go drinking. I want to know how often they get up at night to go to the bathroom. And I want to know yesterday."

(to no one in particular)

"Lacey, just hold on. We are gonna get these guys."

(end scene)

Scene: ME's office, closing in on midnight.

Bob: "Hey, Barry! Anybody awake?"

Barry: "Yeah. What's up?"

Bob: "We've downloaded most of the data. We're normalizing the data from the different service carriers, and should be able to start search runs soon. 'Wewease the secwet weapon!'"

Megan: "What?"

Barry: "Quote from 'An American Tail'. We're going to find your little mouse."

Chuck: "Good luck. So far the only hits I've gotten trace back to the families and police. And some airhead bride-to-be who spent an hour with her cousin Brittany discussing whether white gold or platinum wedding bands were more fashionable. If you catch these guys and need to force them to talk, I can make them crack in no time."

Barry: "Sorry, Chuck."

Bob: "We'll be at it a while yet. We're starting to wade through logs for what looks to be about 50,000 devices."

Megan: "That sounds like a lot."

Bob: "It is. First, we'll eliminate everybody who stayed nearby for more than an hour or so after the abduction. After that, we'll pull the data for towers near the truck stop at the time of the ransom call and see how many matches we get. It might have been easier without Friday afternoon rush hour and kids coming home from school in the same time window, but we'll narrow it down. Then we'll rank them by likelihood."

Barry: "Keep us posted on your progress."

Bob: "If these guys don't bring those girls back soon, they're going to have to answer to the Coca Cola company."

Barry: "Dr. Strangelove?"

Bob: "Bingo. Movie lines for 400, Alex."

Barry: "We'll make them remember, forever, the night they played the Megans."

Bob: "Um, 'Remember the Titans'? By the way, I've got an idea for the locals. Did this pizza place use those lighted signs on top of their delivery cars?"

Megan: "Yes."

Bob: "I'm thinking they might have stolen one earlier in order to look innocuous at the house."

Sam: "That's possible."

Bob: "They might have stolen a car to use in the crime, then ditched it later. Strikes me that the perfect place to leave it would be the parking lot of one of these pizza stores. You could call around and see if there are any cars sitting around that nobody can explain."

Sam: "It might be worth checking out. I'll get somebody on it."

Curtis: "Ethan and I can call up all the pizza places. If we get a hit, he and I will process the car ourselves."

Sam: "That would be great. I'd like to score some points for the good guys before the night is over."

Bob: "Nothing is over until we decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no."

Megan: "When the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"

Barry: "That's from 'Animal House'."

Megan: "My baby's life is hanging in the balance, and perhaps her best chance is in the hands of a couple of raving lunatics swapping movie trivia. Lacey may survive this, but I won't."

Bob: "Next time your daughter is kidnapped, plan ahead and get better heroes. Leave everything to the last minute like this, the big-name superheroes will already be booked."

Megan: "Good idea. I'll put the Justice League on retainer. Anything to avoid you guys again."

(end scene)

Scene: Parking lot of a pizza place.

Ethan: "Think we'll get anything from this?"

Curtis: "We might, but these guys probably never drove it to wherever they are keeping Lacey. We might find out nothing more than that the actual owner of the car took it to the mall yesterday."

Ethan: "That doesn't sound very helpful."

Curtis: "We are still going to do this, because you never know. Kidnapper might have dropped something, one of the girls might have left a clue, who knows? At least we might be able to collect trace and DNA to tie the kids to the bad guys."

Ethan: "So you think this won't do much to solve the case, just help us prosecute after..."

Curtis: "Don't even go there. We are gonna find Lacey and she will be just fine."

Ethan: "I hope so. It's just that we are the ME's office, and we don't usually see evidence until... you know."

Curtis: "You're just a ray of sunshine, aren't you? We are doing this to show support for Megan and Lacey. The police department might not get their best CS techs out late on a Friday night, but I will go over every scrap of evidence I can find. I'm starting to think I should have left you behind."

Ethan: "No, no, I'm all over this. I'm just scared for Lacey."

Curtis: "We all are. Do your job and maybe we can find something that will help her."

Ethan: "On it."

(end scene)

Scene: Back at ME's office. Roughly 3 am.

Megan: "That pizza delivery sign was a good idea. I hope Curtis and Ethan find something.

Barry: "I don't know if it will be immediately useful. Most of the trace will belong to the owner of the car. What kind of car was it?"

Sam: "Economy sedan."

Barry: "Good."

Megan: "How is that good?"

Barry: "It confirms that this is likely a small operation, maybe only a couple of guys. Any likely suspects from the employee lists at Mr. Carter's workplace or the delivery firm?"

Sam: "Two guys who didn't show up for work today. Stan Yeager and Bill McCarthy. We've already sent officers to their residences. Bud says nobody home at either place. Their regular cell phones have been turned off. CS techs are looking over everything, but it might take them a while."

Barry: "That's OK, we expected they'd have phones just for this operation. Did the pizza place have security footage?"

Sam: "Yeah, but it wasn't very usable. And it only showed one guy get out of the car."

Barry: "Smart. They probably transferred vehicles somewhere else, and only one ditched the stolen car. Less likely to attract attention."

Sam: "Ethan is on his way back with some trace. They'll try to match hairs to Brittany and Lacey. They pulled some prints, and we are trying to get prints from the suspects' work areas to see if there are matches."

Barry: "That will help identify them, and it might convince them they won't get away. Doesn't help much in finding them right now, though."

Sam: "Curtis is staying with the car to look for anything else unusual."

Barry: "Good luck to him."

Sam: "I'm going to go home and try and rest for a few hours, maybe shower and change. I was at the end of a 12-hour shift when this started. We're not expecting much action the rest of the night. This might go on for quite some time. I'll be back in the morning."

Megan: "Thanks, Sam."

Kate: "How are you holding up, Megan?"

Megan: "Not too well. No rest for me. My baby is in trouble, and I can't do anything about it. It helps having my friends around to support me. Barry, too."

Barry: "Barry, too? You're too kind. All right, we know you're worried about Lacey, and you have every right to be. I'd estimate that you should be about the third most worried person in Philadelphia tonight."

Megan: "Who could possibly be more worried than I am?"

Barry: "The kidnappers, duh. Maybe they aren't, but they should be."

(end scene)

Scene: ME's office, early morning

Bob: "Ding ding ding! Barry!"

Barry: "What do you have for me?"

Bob: "I was eyeballing some of the best candidates."

Barry: "Get anywhere?"

Bob: "Maybe. I was thinking they might be holed up in a foreclosed house somewhere. Like a subdivision that was going up when the bottom fell out of the market."

Barry: "That would make sense. The banks are still sorting through some of that. You could take over a vacant property that had only vacant lots or partial starts on both sides. Nobody would track comings and goings in a mostly vacant neighborhood."

Bob: "Exactly. So, I found a cell phone that was near the truck stop at the right time, near the Carter house at the right time, and Andrea got me the current location. Precisely the kind of place I was expecting. There's another phone in the area that looks to have been near the Carter house at the right time, too."

Barry: "That sounds pretty good."

Bob: "Sounded good to me, too. Might be time for a little recon. I'll text you an approximate address. Play like a champion today."

Megan (entering): "What's going on? Do you have any information yet?"

Barry: "Maybe. I thought I might check it out."

Megan: "I'm going with you."

Kate (entering, yawning): "What's going on?"

Megan: "Barry's buddies have a possible hit. We're going to have a look-see."

Kate: "I'll drive."

Megan: "I can't ask you to come with us."

Kate: "You can't stop me, either. You may be Lacey's mother, but she and I were pretty tight for a while, too."

Bob: "Bye, bye, boys! Have fun storming the castle!"

(they head for the door)

Megan: "I got that one! 'The Princess Bride'."

Barry: "Congrats."

Megan: "I'm starting to catch on when he throws those things out there. I must be losing my mind from lack of sleep."

Barry: "He takes some getting used to. It's like getting a history lesson from the Guardian of Forever."

Megan: "The Guardian of Forever?"

Barry: "Star Trek reference. Not important. Say that it's like recording the entire day of CNN and watching all the bits and pieces at 300 times normal speed."

Megan: "So which one of you came up with this cell phone tracking idea?"

Barry: "Both of us together, although he's definitely been doing the heavy lifting so far. I was wishing for a way to track the cell phones, and Bob started in with data mining. We start bouncing ideas around, building and refining, and at the end it's really hard to tell who contributed what. It was that way in college, too. We worked on a lot of projects together."

Kate: "Well, I hope you both get an 'A' on this one."

Barry: "So do I."

(end scene)

Scene: In front of a new, but rather vacant-looking house, early morning. A van is parked in the driveway area.

Kate: "Well, what do you guys think? It looks like a good candidate, but we can't go around kicking in every door in Philadelphia. I don't think I can get a warrant based on telling a judge that some high school teacher in Boston has a hunch this is the right place."

Megan: "But my baby might be in there. I've got to know. We could just knock. Maybe I could tell them I'm part of a voter registration drive or something. If somebody answers the door to a supposedly vacant house, at least we can have the police run them in for trespassing. I'm going up to the door."

Kate: "All right. We'll come with you."

Barry: "Not me."

Megan: "Wuss."

Barry: "One does not simply walk into Mordor."

Megan: "You're channeling Bob."

Barry: "That happens when we hang out together. Somebody needs to stay out here and call for back-up if you get in trouble. And the two of you look less menacing by yourselves than if I am with you. There's a chance you might fool them."

Megan: "Suit yourself, Mr. Hero. I'll go rescue my daughter without you."

Kate: "Megan, this is just to take a quick look. Let the police do the rescuing..."

(The two women exit the car, Megan leading the charge, Kate trying to keep up.)

Barry: "This is not going to be good."

(He scrunches down in car, trying not to be seen.)

Megan strides up to the front door and starts knocking. Eventually, a man answers. The house is empty of furniture and such.

Stan: "We don't want any of what you're selling, and we're not donating to any causes."

Megan (trying to see behind him without looking obvious): "Good morning. We're from the League of Women Voters. We're trying to register new voters today. If I could have just a few minutes of your time, we could get you all set up."

Stan: "I just moved here, and I don't have a new driver's license with this address on it. Just leave me the forms, and I'll send them in later."

Megan (rummaging in purse): "Oh, you know, I don't seem to have the forms with me. I can be such a ditz."

Stan (suspiciously): "Brochure then?"

Megan: "Dopey me. Kate, why don't you see if I left them in the car?"

Stan (grabbing Megan's arm): "I'm afraid I've been impolite and failed to invite you in. Why don't the two of you come inside and we can talk?"

Kate: "I can see you're busy. We'll just come back another day..."

Stan (tightening his grip, pulls out a gun): "It wasn't really a polite request, if you know what I mean. Step inside."

He looks warily around the street and front of the house as the women reluctantly go in. Kate pantomimes a gun behind her back, hoping to signal Barry what is going on.

(Cut to view of car outside)

Barry: "Oh, crap. I love it when a plan comes together. Hope Bud has some free time."

(dials phone)

Barry (on phone): "Morning, Bud! Good news/bad news. I think we've located the kidnappers. Bad news is you can add Megan and Kate to the hostage list. Think you and a few friends could find the time to swing by here and maybe raise the good guy count a little? 7271 Azalea Lane, plate on the van parked here is Alpha Bravo Charlie two-one-five-nine."

(listening)

"I **know** it's a bad idea to just walk up to a house with armed criminals in it. That's why **I **stayed in the car and called for back-up."

(listening again)

"When has that ever worked? When you come up with an idea how to make Megan Hunt behave, you go ahead and try it. I'll be sure to mention it prominently in your eulogy. (sighs) Meanwhile, when you give mine, at least you can tell everyone that I tried to rescue her. Gotta go. Listen in if you want."

(Cut to interior of house)

Stan: "Bill! These two chicks were nosing around outside. I think they're up to something."

Bill (from basement): "What was your first clue?"

Stan: "They said they were here to register us to vote, and they didn't have any forms."

Bill: "I've got a better clue for you, moron. This address just got broadcast on the scanner. They're cops."

Kate: "We're not police! We're not armed! We're just with the coroner's office."

Stan (raises gun): "How convenient. At least they won't have any problems ID'ing the bodies."

Bill (coming up the stairs with the two girls): "Don't shoot them yet, moron. We have to find out how they found us, or we'll never get out clean. Grab the toolbox, the duct tape, and the rope and let's get everybody out to the van."

Lacey: "Mom!"

Megan: "Are you OK honey?"

Lacey: "So far."

Stan: "Shut up. No talking."

Bill: "Mom? We snatched a cop's kid? Genius!"

Stan: "I didn't know she would be there. We had to do it this week-end before the platinum ships out. Little help? I can't carry all this and hold a gun on them at the same time."

Bill: "Blondie! You get this stuff (points to toolbox, etc.) and everybody head out to the van. Anybody tries anything, Mom's kid gets it first."

They all go to the utility van parked in the driveway. Bill opens the driver door, Stan herds the rest to the back.

Stan (watching the hostages, not looking inside): "All right, ladies, no funny stuff, just get in..."

He opens the rear door of the vehicle. Barry is inside, and brings a tire iron down on his gun hand, causing him to drop it.

Stan: "Ahhh!"

Kate sees her opportunity, and smashes Stan aside the head with the toolbox, causing him to go down. Barry dives to the ground, grabbing the gun. Megan yanks the girls toward her, taking away Bill's shot at them. Bill tries to come around to the back of the van, but Barry has a clear shot under it. He shoots Bill in the ankle, causing him to fall, then shoots him in the shoulder. Brittany shrieks from the gunshots. Barry hurries over and kicks Bill's gun away, then stands where he can watch both men, gun drawn.

Megan: "Oh, I was so afraid I'd lost you.."

Lacey: "I was sure glad to see you. How did you find us?"

Megan: "That was Barry."

Barry: "Don't forget all the Megans. I had a lot of help."

Lacey: "Megans?"

Barry: "It's kind of a long story. We can go in to the office and you can video chat with the whole team if you want. If they are still awake."

(to Kate)

"Nice shot there with the toolbox."

Kate: "I took advantage of the opportunity. (smiles) My self-proclaimed boyfriend was such a coward he chose to hide in the car instead of coming inside and protecting us. Sometimes women just have have to step up and show what we're made of."

Barry: "We might have to make you one of the Megans."

Kate: "I think I already have enough Megans to deal with, thank you."

Megan: "Hey!"

Police and emergency vehicles start to show up. Bud arrives on the scene.

Barry: "Look, the cavalry has arrived. Hey, Bud, we have a couple of packages for you! Sorry I didn't wrap them."

Bud: "I see that, no surprise, you guys have already taken matters into your own hands instead of waiting for us. Where did you get the gun this time?"

Barry: "Would you believe a yard sale down the street?"

Bud: "No."

Barry: "All right, truth is these guys just gave us their theirs. Philadelphia has a very considerate class of criminals these days."

Bud: "That's why we're the city of brotherly love. I'll note your statement in my report; maybe the tourism bureau can make something of it. These guys just politely handed over their weapons, huh?"

Barry: "Kate and I may have encouraged them a little."

Bud: "Why don't you leave the rest of the encouragement to the unis, and hand over the guns for the evidence locker?"

Barry: "You guys sure get bent out of shape when I borrow a firearm."

(He hands over the gun he was holding and retrieves his cell phone from the van, ends the call.)

Bud (turning to Megan): "Now, as for you, Dr. Hunt... (much angrier) What is the matter with you? Have you lost your mind? You know you're supposed to wait for an escort in a situation like this."

Megan: "That was my daughter in there, Bud. Waiting was not an option."

Bud (earnestly): "There were two guys with guns, Megan."

Barry: "But we had Megan. Hardly seems like a fair fight, does it? Did you want us to wait for more bad guys next time to even up the odds?"

Bud: "I wouldn't suggest that to the review board if I were you."

Kate: "We're all off the clock, Bud. Just acting as private citizens and concerned parents. Strictly self-defense. Our side didn't even have any guns. To begin with. Just Megans."

Bud: "Pretty sure that counts as a weapon of mass destruction. And don't think I haven't noticed your role in this. At least Barry started off waiting in the car, and called for back-up. I hope you and Megan are proud of yourselves that you behaved worse than Barry."

Megan: "We're sorry already. You don't have to be so mean about it."

Bud: "Believe me, when I heard the gunshots on the phone, I was imagining a lot worse than you being yelled at. Is everybody OK?"

Megan: "A little shaken up, but no injuries."

Bud: "Once the EMT's are done with the more serious injuries, they can give all of you the once-over. Brittany, here's a phone. I think there are a couple of very anxious people waiting to hear from you."

(Brittany takes the phone and dials.)

Brittany: "Mom? We're OK. Lacey's mom found us. The police are here now..."

(end scene)

Scene: ME's office. Video chat with "the Megans".

Megan: "Lacey, there are some people here for you to meet. That's Andrea, Chuck, and Bob."

Andrea: "Hi, Lacey! Glad you're safe."

Bob: "Couldn't you guys have driven a little faster? I had the 7-8 a.m. time slot in the pool."

Megan: "You were placing bets on my daughter's rescue?"

Bob: "At least we were all betting that she would actually be rescued. Slightly later than I scheduled it..."

Megan: "You scheduled it?"

Bob: "Of course. Right there in the ol' daily planner. 7-8 a.m., send hostage rescue team. 8-10 a.m., acknowledge accolades, dump Gatorade on the coach. Way to go, Megans!"

Megan: "I'm not going to live that down, am I?"

Bob: "I was thinking of printing up T-shirts..."

Chuck: "Hey, Lacey's kind of cute. Makes it all worthwhile. How long until you turn 18?"

Lacey: "I've got a few years yet."

Chuck: "I can fix that, you know. Complete false identity. Come away with me, my darling."

Lacey: "I think I'd like to finish high school."

Chuck: "I can handle that, too. You could skip all those boring classes and just get the diploma."

Megan: "Forget it, Chuck. Not happening."

Chuck: "Lacey, couldn't you have taken after your father's side or something? Go hang out with Barry, maybe you'll lighten up a little. Call me in a couple of years. Or just mention my name and say the phrase 'kill the president' on the phone. I'll get the message."

Barry (firmly): "Good-bye, Chuck. And thanks."

Andrea: "I think I'll head home and take care of my own daughter. You guys can deal with the meatware yourselves. Ineptly, as usual."

Megan: "Give the family hugs from us. Thank you so much."

Barry: "Tell your teams thanks from us, Bob."

Bob: "I already told them we won and sent them home. Otherwise they would be using my server account all week-end to cheat at online games."

Lacey: "I wanted to tell them thanks from me."

Bob: "Send me a video and I'll forward it on."

Megan: "They just worked all night for free?"

Bob: "Not exactly free. There was pizza. It was a cool project, an interesting challenge, and they might get some good references if they decide to apply for jobs with any kind of security agency after graduation. Listing the four of us wouldn't hurt their chances. (considers) Much."

Lacey: "How many guys did you have working on this?"

Bob: "About a dozen at each site. Spending a sleepless night thinking of you. You little heartbreaker."

Lacey (giggles): "You're funny. You and Barry are a lot alike."

Bob: "That's totally uncalled for, considering how I cracked the case and everything."

Barry: "It was a major compliment, and therefore completely untrue. I'm getting way ahead of you in the number of people rescued, too. Pretty soon, you're going to need to save the Earth from an alien invasion or something just to catch up."

Bob: "That's on my schedule for next August, provided the aliens show up on time. I think I should get partial credit on this one for figuring out where the kidnappers were. And the savage nature of your assistance should count against your score. Running around shooting people. Most inelegant. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."

Barry: "You're jealous because I have done brilliantly in the field and you know you could never hope to match me. Just because you're bound by the Three Laws of Robotics doesn't mean I can't shoot a bad guy once in a while."

Bob: "Foolish human. Any more from you, and I'm going to tell them all the sappy details of your impassioned plea for help last night."

Megan: "Impassioned plea?"

Bob: "More emotional than the BFF in a chick flick. It was positively disgusting to watch. Grown man like that, practically blubbering."

Barry: "I was not. And if I offended your sensibilities so much, why did you work so hard to help?"

Bob: "It was an inherently interesting problem in data analytics. And there was $92 in the pool."

Barry: "I thought it was because you're a rank sentimentalist. And I had a noble cause."

Bob (Bogart impression): "I'm not much good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of..."

Barry (interrupting): "Bob?"

Bob: "What?"

Barry: "We were up all night, we're tired, you can stream your highlights from Netflix another time."

Bob: "If that's the way you're going to be, I'll just go take a nap. So long, and thanks for all the fish."

(he drops his video connection)

Megan: "Thanks for all the fish?"

Lacey: "That's from 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'. I read that for school. Kind of weird, but funny. Just like Barry and his friends."

Megan: "He's even crazier than you, but he does kind of grow on a person."

Barry: "Hmm. Usually it's the opposite. Most people get dizzy being around him for long, and just want it to stop. Not many put up with it. If it weren't for me and later, his girlfriend Katie, his best friend in college would probably have been the university mainframe. He was very fortunate I agreed to room with him after freshman year."

Megan: "Hard to say who ended up best and worst on that deal. You can be rather trying at times, yourself."

Barry: "You'll make me blush."

Megan: "Well, in this instance, you were definitely worth any and all prior aggravation. I might even upgrade your status to 'potentially tolerable'."

Barry: "Be still, my heart."

Lacey: "Thanks for all you and everybody else did for me, Barry."

Megan: "Second that. Usually I'm investigating and providing answers to people, and this time there wasn't much for me to do. It was tremendously nerve-wracking just waiting around."

Barry: "Once I explained things, the whole group was pretty determined to keep this out of your wheelhouse, Megan."

Megan: "My wheelhouse?"

Barry: "While I was most certainly not blubbering, I did try to fire up the team with an emotional appeal. My version of a Gipper speech. I might have mentioned that no mother should ever have to be in the position of performing an autopsy on her own kid."

Megan: "Dear God, that is a terrible thought. You have a horrifying mind."

Barry: "That was the incentive that kept the Megans energized all night. It's why Andrea spent the night at work pulling data from phone providers instead of with her family, and Bob was poring over piles of data manually once the computers narrowed it down some."

Kate: "I wouldn't have wanted that autopsy, either. It was bad enough doing Dani."

Barry: "The situation was scary enough the way it was. We didn't want to burden you with that realization."

Megan: "Thanks for that. Although now I'm going to have nightmares for at least a month of having Lacey on my slab."

Barry: "The important thing is, you get to wake up. And so does she."

Lacey: "Rather than wake up, I think I want to go home and sleep until Monday."

Megan: "OK, sweetie, we'll get you home and into bed."

(They head out.)

Kate (tired sigh): "I usually like being shown an exciting time on a Friday night, but I think this was overdoing it."

Barry: "I vote Lacey spends her next sleep-over in protective custody. I would find it much less stressful."

Kate: "You and your team did work pretty hard, and under a lot of pressure. I see I'm not the only one in the office with a soft spot for Lacey."

Barry: "I didn't want all my parenting advice to go to waste. I do like the sound of that sleep until Monday plan, though. Kate, do you think you could get crime to take a couple days off?"

Kate: "No problem, Barry, I'll just post a few flyers around asking the criminals not to commit any homicides for a couple of days while we take our naps."

Barry: "That's why you're such a good boss. Always thinking of her employees."

Kate: "I think I'll go home and try and get some rest myself."

Barry: "Good idea. You look like someone who has been up all night worrying."

Kate: "You really know how to sweet-talk a woman, don't you Barry?"

Barry: "Hey, I had to hang out with Bob all night. There are certain side effects. Check with your doctor for details."

Kate: "Why can't you guys just pay or be paid a simple compliment?"

Barry: "What's the fun in that? Offer a compliment and I might think both women in the office classify me as potentially tolerable. Scary."

Kate: "I'll watch myself. By the way, Bob must have blown through a fair amount of cash on that server stuff."

Barry: "I don't think it was that bad. A few thousand, max."

Kate: "Get me a receipt. If I can't get department reimbursement, the Carters will certainly pay for it. They were ready to offer a pretty big reward."

Barry: "Not really his style. Let it go."

Kate: "Oh, please, he's a high school teacher. The Carters can afford it, and they'll be happy to pay him back."

Barry: "He's a high school teacher now, because that's what he wants to do. It won't break him, and money just leaves a trail he would prefer nobody follow."

Kate: "Sounds mysterious. Did he used to work for one of the three-letter agencies?"

Barry: "Other than some consulting for them after 9/11, no. He used to do this kind of thing for big companies. There was a lot of demand for his services. You've seen why."

Kate: "At least let me get them all a commendation from the department or something."

Barry: "If you want to thank my Megans, let them stay out of sight. No publicity, no commendations, no reward money, no interviews. As little of this gets presented as evidence at trial as possible, particularly since some of the things we did were of dubious legality. My team likes to be invisible."

Kate: "Seriously?"

Barry: "Make this a story about the determined mother who found the kidnappers and marched up to their door and took them on. That should play well in the press."

Kate: "You're passing up a chance to be a hero on the TV news?"

Barry: "The TV story works well with you and Megan foiling the bad guys and rescuing the daughter. You were at odds when you dated her ex and threatened to usurp her role as a mother, but the two of you united to save the little girl. Two mama grizzlies fighting for the cub. Touching story."

Kate: "But it was your guys who found her, and I seem to remember that at one point the four of us had all been captured, and you were the one doing most of the fighting for the cub. Megan almost got us killed. People should know what you did."

Barry: "Kate, do you have political ambitions beyond this office?"

Kate: "What? Why would you ask that?"

Barry: "Off the record, answer the question."

Kate: "I wouldn't be opposed to a higher office if the right opportunity came along."

Barry: "A well-crafted answer. We both know you would really like to move up if you get the chance."

Kate: "What does that have to do with anything?"

Barry: "Which is a better narrative for your political future – you reached out to a prickly personality with whom you had clashed in the past to rescue a couple of endangered teens, or you utilized a bunch of black ops shadowy government types to bypass a regular police investigation?"

Kate: "I think the answer to that one is pretty obvious."

Barry: "If you bring my team into this, the tinfoil hat conspiracy nuts will be all over you in a minute. You and Megan can be fuzzy on the details, take the credit and wear the stylish outfits for TV."

Kate: "We all know that if anybody in the office deserves the limelight in this case, it's you. You're giving that up for my political career?"

Barry: "I'm not against furthering the career ambitions of a politician I can respect. Some of us would prefer to blend into the background. It's like working undercover. Let word get around how we did this, next time it might not work."

Kate: "I suppose that makes sense. I'll talk to Megan and get our story straight. Sometime, though, I think I'm going to want to hear some of the stories about you and your friends."

Barry: "I might be able to come up with a few that aren't classified. College pranks, bachelor parties and weddings, camping trips. See you Monday, or whenever we can manage to wake up."

Kate: "Bye. Take the rest of the night off."

Barry: "It's almost 10 o'clock in the morning!"

Kate: "I didn't promise there would be any night left, I just said you could have it off."

Barry: "You're too good to me."

(end scene.)

Scene: Lacey's room. Megan tucks her in.

Megan: "Try and get some rest, and we'll do something fun tonight."

Lacey (sleepily): "As long as we don't call and order a pizza. I really don't want to see another pizza delivery guy for a while."

Megan (smiling): "You've got it, kid. Oh, and get your beauty sleep. Kate texted me that we have requests for interviews. You're going to be on TV."

(She gets up, walks to the door. Before shutting the door, stands and watches her daughter a few moments. Fade out.)

(end scene)


	22. Chapter 22

Scene: Kate's office. Barry and Megan are present.

Kate: "Barry, since you have apparently had some federal weapons training, and obvious expertise, the department is willing to waive forcing you to attend an actual training course, provided you can pass the exam at the end. It would save me the expense of a certification course, and we can get you licensed to carry a firearm within a week or two. With Peter gone, it might be helpful to have an escort available from time to time."

Barry: "OK. I would be most pleased to provide an escort service."

Kate: "That's what I was hoping you would say."

Megan: "You were hoping he'd have something boorish to say?"

Kate: "I was hoping for that exact offer."

Megan: "Why?"

Kate: "Because there is going to be a dinner which will feature you. For your outstanding work in this office, and because you have now achieved some local fame when we rescued Lacey. I'm invited as well, but I'm scheduled to be in Harrisburg for some committee hearings, and can't guarantee I'll be back here in time to ensure your attendance."

Megan: "I don't want to go. And what does Barry have to do with it?"

Kate: "Since you have previously embarrassed the department by skipping out on an honors dinner, I thought I would provide you with a date who would be willing to cover for me."

Megan: "A date who... Barry? Have you lost your mind?"

Kate: "It's why I want him weapons-certified. In case you need the proper encouragement."

Megan: "Why does it have to be Barry? I could take Curtis, or Ethan..."

Kate: "They'd probably pee themselves. Barry stands up to you. And if necessary, he's a good shot."

Barry: "Do I get a say in this?"

Kate: "No. I already have your statement that you would be a willing escort. Gotcha."

Barry: "I was hoping for something other than a date with the Angel of Death."

Megan: "Angel of Death?"

Barry: "Don't look at me, I didn't give you that nickname."

Megan: "My nickname is the Angel of Death?"

Barry: "Well, you know, you're a more attractive ME than Jack Klugman in 'Quincy', which I guess is the 'angel' part; you perform autopsies, and you have a certain 'take no prisoners' reputation."

Megan: "But 'Angel of Death'?"

Barry: "Don't worry, I'm pretty sure Dr. Mengele is done with the nickname. He won't mind you using it."

Kate: "I think we can dispense with that nickname, Barry. Or I'll come up with one for you. How about 'Former Co-worker'?"

Barry: "I'll see if I can come up with something better. How do you feel about 'Mama Grizzly'?"

Megan: "No!"

Barry: "How about 'The Highly Competent, Professional Career Woman and Wise But Firm Parent Who Still Manages to be Sexy Without Being Slutty'?"

Megan: "There you go."

Barry: "You'll need a bigger car."

Megan: "Why?"

Barry: "That's going to be about a 12-foot bumper sticker. It's not very catchy."

Kate: "Enough with the nicknames. You will respectfully refer to her as "Dr. Hunt" in public and see to it that she is safely transported to and from the event. The entire event. Got it?"

Barry: "OK. Am I on the clock for this?"

Megan: "You have to be paid to go to dinner with me?"

Barry: "Not necessarily. Just trying to determine my exact status. Since Kate is pimping out her boyfriend, I just wanted to know, slut or whore. For when, after plying me with alcohol, the evening reaches its inevitable conclusion."

Kate: "You are off the clock for this one, Barry."

Barry: "Slut it is."

Kate: "You get free food and my gratitude. But no conclusion to the evening is going to be inevitable."

Megan: "Oh, there will be an inevitable conclusion all right. Try anything and you will inevitably be concluded. Finished. Done for."

Barry: "I can't work like this. She's threatening me."

Kate: "You're the only guy in the office who can hold his own against Megan, and I'm getting your weapons certification fast-tracked. You're twice her size, she'll be wearing heels and unable to outrun you, and you'll carry a gun if you want it. That's as fair a fight as I can make it."

Megan: "I wonder what the Vegas odds will be?"

(end scene)

Scene: Megan, Barry and Kate have attended the awards dinner. Kate has stayed behind to stand in the spotlight and talk up her department. This is an evening stroll on the way back to the car for Barry and Megan.

Megan: "So what gives, Barry? Are you coming down with something?"

Barry: "Why do you ask?"

Megan: "You've acted like a normal human being the whole night. A perfect gentleman of a date. I'm starting to think alien abduction or government mind control experiment. Where is the real Barry? What have you done to him?"

Barry: "I am a master of disguise. It is possible for me to pretend to be a normal, sane person, though of course it takes considerable effort. On the other hand, I might point out that you were a warm and charming version of Dr. Hunt compared to what I usually see."

Megan: "You're a bad influence. I couldn't stand to let you outdo me in graciousness."

Barry: "Ah. The competitive fire is still there, just hidden."

Megan: "There is something else..."

Barry: "Uh-oh."

Megan: "No. I want full credit for the good work we've been doing in the ME's office. But a fair amount of the attention being focused on me was for the kidnapping incident, and I didn't really deserve it. The one who should have been getting the spotlight was sitting next to me, as quiet as I have ever seen him."

Barry: "Bright lights hurt my eyes."

Megan: "You could have made quite a splash if you had been so inclined. It was your team that actually tracked down the kidnappers, and you were the one who did the most actual rescuing. Kate talked to me before we went on TV about how we were going to spin the narrative. That was a pretty noble sacrifice for your girlfriend, Barry."

Barry: "She's not really my girlfriend. That's just office banter."

Megan: "Seems to me that you're pretty serious about looking out for her interests."

Barry: "I am, which is why I know that we would never make a good power couple. She has further political ambitions, and my background would be a liability. A few casual dates here and there won't hurt, but it will never go anywhere."

Megan: "Too bad. It was a great 'how we got together' story. I was going to take full credit, even for the preceding disasters that made her look so good by comparison. All part of the plan."

Barry: "You needed to think the plan all the way through. While I might amuse her from time to time, she is too careful and calculating for us to work out."

Megan: "Still, she's lucky to have you looking out for her."

Barry: "I'll continue that. If Kate is going to rise politically, Commissioner Travers is going to have to be put in her place. And somewhere in there I'll probably have to find time to look in on other members of the department. As well as their daughters."

Megan: "Good to know. Because Lacey and I certainly were the beneficiaries of your expertise. I was thinking about that tonight. A lot. That I almost certainly would have lost my daughter if it had not been for your intervention."

Barry: "That sounds suspiciously like actual gratitude."

Megan: "Because it is. You won't even take credit. I don't know how I can ever thank you enough."

Barry: "How about this?"

He stops, reaches down and kisses her. She is shocked, then starts to respond, at which point he stops.

Barry: "Debt paid."

Megan (confused): "What was that for?"

Barry: "Don't you ever watch movies? Standard payment for saving the girl is a kiss. Lacey is a little young, so the responsibility falls to you. You were kind of slow in paying up, and I would rather kiss you than send the goons around to break your thumbs."

Megan: "I was thinking more along the lines of inviting you over for dinner."

Barry: "Isn't Lacey vegetarian and diabetic? Probably a dinner consisting of healthy vegetables. No Mountain Dew. No donuts. Doesn't sound like much of a reward. I think I made a much better choice."

Megan: "Really?"

Barry: "Of course. What movie ever ended with the hero getting a thank-you dinner of tofu and kale? That has all the romantic appeal of a love letter addressed to 'Occupant'."

They arrive at the car. He opens her door.

Barry: "Get in the car, Dr. Hot Chick. I need to get you home before my coach turns back into a pumpkin."

Megan: "I think it might be worth more as a pumpkin..."

(end scene)

Scene: At Megan's home. She comes in.

Lacey: "How was the dinner?"

Megan: "Pretty boring. Including the food."

Lacey: "How about your date with Barry?"

Megan: "It wasn't that kind of date. This was primarily a business affair. He was kind enough to agree to escort me to the dinner. After some arm-twisting by Kate."

Lacey: "Yeah, I noticed he didn't kiss you at the door or anything."

Megan: "Spying on me?"

Lacey: "Uh..."

Megan moves out toward her bedroom, removing earrings, shoes, etc.

Megan: "Sorry to disappoint you, honey. Barry was actually on his best behavior. He was a perfect gentleman almost the entire night."

Lacey: "Barry? A perfect gentleman? It really must have been a boring time."

Megan (to herself, smiling a little): "I did say 'almost'."

(end scene)


	23. Chapter 23

Scene: Kate's office, week following the dinner. Megan is present.

Kate: "So, you actually stayed for the entire awards dinner. I owe Barry a departmental commendation for performance above and beyond. Please tell me it won't have to be posthumous."

Megan: "No. At least not on my account. I can't guarantee that there is no one else in the world who might have done him in. You haven't talked to Barry recently?"

Kate: "No, I haven't needed him for anything. He must have found something else to do today. Why, is something wrong?"

Megan: "Not wrong, exactly. Mind if I ask you something personal?"

Kate: "I guess not..."

Megan: "What's your status with Barry? He keeps talking about you being his girlfriend."

Kate: "Definitely an overstatement. We went out that one time you coerced us, he attended a fund-raiser with me because I needed an escort for the evening, and we attended a pops concert together once. He's OK, but the mainstay of the relationship resides in his overactive imagination."

Megan: "Are you interested in him?"

Kate: "He's nice enough to me, but there doesn't to be a lot of passion on either side. He's tolerable, but things certainly aren't moving very fast. Why the sudden interest? Was he talking about us?"

Megan: "A little. Nothing private, really. He said he liked you, but he figured a guy with his elusive background might be a liability to your political ambitions."

Kate: "I hadn't given it much thought yet. We are a long way from picking out china patterns. He's right, though. He has four kills this year, three of them hushed up, and he also shot one kidnapper and disarmed another. To the public, it might look as though I was with some black ops government assassin. A political opponent would have a field day with that. One question about how I used this office to keep my boyfriend out of trouble and I'm done."

Megan: "He didn't think your career would survive that kind of publicity, so he didn't see your relationship going anywhere."

Kate: "Probably right. Maybe that's why he never pushed harder to ask me out more. I guess he has a guardian angel complex."

Megan: "What?"

Kate: "Once in a while, you should try dissecting a personality with as much effort as you put into dissecting a body. Figure it out."

Megan: "Could you give me a hint?"

Kate: "From what little we know of his federal career, he was doing work for intelligence agencies. The kind of guys that tend to view themselves as the last bastion protecting the country from all the dark forces in the world. He came up here to watch over the family of someone who lost his life in the same line of work. Now he's been looking out for what is most important to us: my career and your daughter."

Megan: "I thought angels were supposed to be a benign presence. Halos, ceramic figurines, that sort of thing. Not annoying jerks."

Kate: "Focus. For me, he is apparently willing to forego whatever chance we might have at a relationship because he saw how bad it might be for my career hopes. For you, I doubt we would have tracked down Lacey in time without his help, and if you recall, you and I weren't really all that useful in securing her safety."

Megan: "I guess he could have just waited for the police to show up. But then we would have been hostages."

Kate: "As aggravating as he can be at times, he seems to be willing to put a lot on the line for us. Almost as if he cares."

Megan: "He's still annoying."

Kate: "You're his biggest target. Could there be a reason?"

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Kate: "He sends a lot of sparks in your direction. Any fire?"

Megan: "Well... After the dinner, as we were walking back to the car, he kissed me."

Kate: "I send you to one dinner, and now you steal my boyfriend?"

Megan (defensively): "Hey, he kissed me, I didn't kiss him. Much, anyway. I certainly wasn't trying to steal him from you."

Kate: "Relax. He's right that we were never going anywhere as a couple. Maybe this can balance the scales a little for my going out with Todd. How was the kiss?"

Megan: "Surprising. He claimed it as his hero's reward."

Kate: "I suppose he might be entitled to one kiss for all that. Are you going to go out with him?"

Megan: "I don't know. It was all so sudden and unexpected. He's always been so difficult to deal with, I hadn't ever thought of him that way."

Kate: "You know, if we're going by the difficulty of the personality, there would be a lot of sentiment around here that the two of you were made for each other."

Megan: "Very funny. If you're going to portray me that way, you might consider that just because dynamite and gunpowder are both explosives doesn't make it safer to store them together."

Kate: "Good point. We'll need a blast zone. At least Lacey approves of him."

Megan (considers): "There is that. Inexplicably, his goofy parenting advice has usually worked out. Lacey listens to him."

Kate: "So there might be a few items in his favor."

Megan: "Very few. Still, I can see possibilities..."

Kate: "Possibilities?"

Megan: "Well, if I decide that I can tolerate him, I know that I have clearance from you. He doesn't have to know that right away."

Kate: "What are you going to do?"

Megan: "Not that I'm saying I'm ready to go out with him, but if I do, I certainly think a modest amount of torture would start the relationship off on the right foot. Having him live in fear of offending you would be a great start."

Kate: "Hmm... I can see some possibilities for me there, as well. If he doesn't talk with me about it before going out with you, then I don't mind making him squirm for being a two-timing weasel. Not that we have ever been exclusive, and I've actually been on a couple of dates with other guys lately, but this could be a lot of fun."

Megan: "Great. It might be worth it just for this. Think he'll ask me out?"

Kate: "How could he resist? You are Dr. Hot Chick, after all."

Megan: "True. And I do have to concede that while his fashion sense is atrocious, he demonstrates outstanding taste in the caliber of women he has shown an interest in."

Kate: "Definitely. His type seems to be smart, beautiful and sophisticated."

Megan: "Let's hope he can come up with better date ideas than bowling and Chinese take-out."

Kate: "He shows a little more range in his repertoire than poor Todd. Maybe I should hang on to him for a while and see what kind of range he has in the bedroom before I give him up."

Megan: "Hey, let's not get into a spat over a guy again."

Kate: "All right. Still, you were the one who brought up torture..."

Megan: "What? I guess I can tell what was on your summer reading list."

Kate: "Just thinking that it might have been interesting to try a few shades of Gray, myself."

Megan: "I was planning on torturing him here at the office. Not in the bedroom. Just keep your scalpels sharp in case I need you."

Kate: "See, this is what I'm talking about."

Megan: "You are getting to be as bad as Barry. Next you'll be letting him ask us for a menage a trois."

Kate: "Hmmm..."

Megan: "Oh, please. The two of us at once? Way too much sexy for him to handle. We'd kill him."

Kate: "Got that right. Of course, I could always use a few more zombies for my army of the undead."

Megan: "Are you sure leading a zombie army is good for your political future?"

Kate: "Depends. Are they still allowed to vote in Chicago?"

(end scene)


	24. Chapter 24

Scene: Megan's work area. Barry enters.

Megan: "Hi, Barry. I was wondering if I could ask a favor."

(she is acting nice, and progressively more flirty.)

Barry: "Uh-oh. Your cousin from Transylvania is in town and needs a warm-blooded escort?"

Megan: "No. Lacey has been having a little difficulty with her logic assignments in math class and she never wants to let me help her. I thought perhaps I could talk you into providing a little assistance. She is much more willing to solicit your advice than mine."

Barry: "Smart kid. When would you like me to come over?"

Megan: "She and I are going shopping Saturday morning, but maybe later that afternoon?"

Barry: "Fine by me."

Megan: "Unless you have plans for Saturday evening? I wouldn't want to disrupt anything."

Barry: "No plans."

Megan: "You're sure it's OK? No angry woman is going to call asking why you stood her up?"

Barry: "Pretty sure that won't happen. Why are you so concerned about a non-existent date?"

Megan: "No reason. Just making sure you're available if things take longer than expected. Lacey tends to procrastinate on her homework."

Barry: "Ah. See you Saturday, then."

He turns and starts to make his way out of the room.

Megan: "Looking forward to it."

(mutters under her breath): "Moron."

Barry stops short.

Barry: "Am I missing something?"

Megan: "Not at all. Lacey will be happy to see you."

He considers matters for a moment, then...

Barry: "Megan, would you be interested in going out for dinner afterward?"

Megan: "Why, Barry, I wasn't expecting this..."

Barry: "I'm sorry. If the notice is too short, we could postpone until a later time..."

Megan: "No, I'd love to have dinner with you. Even if you are kind of slow to catch on."

Barry: "I beg your pardon?"

Megan: "When you kiss a woman, you're supposed to follow up on it. And notice when she sets you up to ask her out, you big oaf."

Barry: "I noticed."

Megan: "Then why didn't you say anything?"

Barry: "You're more a take charge type. Getting flirty doesn't come naturally to you. It was cute."

Megan (flustered): "I can be feminine, buster."

Barry: "Absolutely. Admit it, though, you'd have been much more comfortable just telling me when to show up and where to take you than going through all this."

Megan (chagrined): "It is a lot more straightforward..."

Barry: "Just try to keep in mind that I have a few good ideas of my own. Where would you like to go? Steakhouse? Seafood? I have a hunch you might be ready for a change of pace from Lacey's vegan diabetes-friendly diet."

Megan (defensively): "I support Lacey in that. It is a difficult choice, and I respect her desire to define her ethical boundaries."

Barry: "We could do pasta if you'd rather..."

Megan: "I've been dying for a steak, chicken, anything. We've been eating a smart, healthy diet, but once in a while I could go for some food that tastes good and is bad for me."

Barry: "It's a date, then."

Kate enters.

Kate: "What's a date?"

Megan: "Barry and I have a dinner date Saturday evening."

Kate: "I thought you were supposed to be my boyfriend. Two-timing the boss? Not smart."

Barry: "Um..."

Megan: "You're one to talk. You couldn't keep your hands off my ex, you slut. Well, if you can steal Todd, I can steal Barry."

Barry: "There really isn't much stealing going on here..."

Megan and Kate, together: "Who asked you?"

Kate: "You were such a shrew Todd couldn't stand to live in the same house. I'm just surprised you found someone who would take you to dinner. Most men would be too nauseated by your presence to eat!"

Megan: "As opposed to you, who would probably never make it to the restaurant at all. How deep a neckline do you wear on a first date, anyway? It probably plunges all the way down to your Prada shoes!"

Barry: "I think I'll go see if Curtis needs any help..."

Megan: "That's it, run, you coward!"

Kate: "Fast and far. Because a man who drops me without even the simple courtesy of telling me is in for a world of hurt."

He flees the scene. Once he is out of earshot, the women look to make sure he is gone.

Kate: "I thought 'slut' was a little over the top."

Megan: "Sorry. I think he bought it, though."

Kate: "He did. He's putty in our hands. He never batted an eye in the face of gunfire, but he looked positively stricken just now."

Megan: "He did. It was so cute."

Kate: "Don't get too caught up in torturing him. Sooner or later I will have to let Barry off the hook."

Megan: "But this is so much fun!"

(end scene)

Scene: Megan's apartment, Saturday. Barry stand outside her door with flowers. She answers the door.

Megan: "Hi, Barry. Come in."

Barry: "Hello, Megan, Lacey. These are for you."

He hands her the flowers. She accepts them, inhaling the fragrance.

Megan: "Lacey, get a vase for these, would you?"

Lacey: "Sure, Mom."

Megan: "These are gorgeous. I've never seen anything like this before. Where did you get them?"

Barry: "I have no idea."

Megan: "How can you have no idea where you got them? Are you having black-outs?"

Barry: "Well, remember my college roommate, Bob?"

Lacey (returns with vase): "I liked him!"

Megan: "He was tolerable for his expertise. Barely. Not an uncommon quality in your circle of friends."

Barry: "Well, a few years ago, he asked me for a favor. I used some of the fancy tools at work and recovered the data for the Boston Orchid Society when their hard drive crashed."

Megan: "So?"

Barry: "I was soliciting advice on ways to impress my date this evening, and today a courier showed up at my door with a bouquet of rare orchids and a spray of jasmine. Not the regular florist delivery service, a private courier."

Lacey: "Wow, Mom."

Megan: "I might be a little impressed."

Barry: "The card read 'Regards to Dr. Hot Chick from her admirers. Don't blow it.'"

Megan: "I guess we don't have much doubt on the sender of the flowers."

Barry: "It is but a feeble attempt to match one exotic beauty with another."

Megan: "Such talk! Where does that come from?"

Barry: "That was on the other side of the card. Someone seems to think I need a ghost-writer."

Megan: "Not without reason. It's a nice gesture nonetheless. Thank you."

Barry: "My pleasure, even if not my credit card. Lacey, shall we take a look at your issues with logic tables?"

Lacey: "It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me."

Barry: "A lot of people become confused because of ambiguities in English which sucker you into the wrong idea in logic. Many people use 'and' when they mean 'added to' or a logical 'or'. Think about it like ordering pizza."

Lacey: "Ordering pizza?"

Barry: "If I order a pizza with ham and pineapple, and it only comes with ham, they didn't bring what I ordered, did they? The 'and' condition was not fulfilled."

Lacey: "OK."

Barry: "If the deluxe has a choice of pepperoni or sausage, and I say I don't care, I don't really get to complain as long as it has one or the other or both, right?"

Lacey: "Yeah."

Barry: "But if I ask you to order us one with tomatoes or mushrooms, but not both, because my coupon is only good for one topping..."

Lacey: "That's an exclusive or?"

Barry: "Bingo. Let's go over some of your homework."

(later, after Lacey is done)

Lacey: "Thanks, Barry. I think I have it straight now."

Megan appears.

Megan: "All done with the homework, honey?"

Lacey: "Yeah, Mom. Barry knows how to give me examples that help me make sense of things. I wish he was my teacher."

Barry: "If there are other kids having trouble, I could do a group tutoring session."

Lacey: "Could we, Mom?"

Megan: "I suppose. If your friends need some help, and Barry is willing, we could arrange something."

Lacey: "Great. Now go have fun on your date."

Megan: "I left you some lasagna in the refrigerator."

Lacey leaves.

Megan: "Thanks for helping Lacey. When I explain things, she just gets defensive."

Barry: "She's plenty smart, she just needs the material presented in a more approachable way."

Megan: "It was nice of you to help out. Ready for our date?"

Barry: "Yeah. Are you willing to be seen in my car?"

Megan: "Not at any reputable restaurant. Why don't you just drive my car?"

Barry: "OK. Wouldn't want to ruin the first date with a hot chick."

Megan: "Well, don't get your hopes up. I'm an old-fashioned girl, and I have to be a role model for my teen-age daughter."

Barry: "You're a big disappointment. Considering that one date you set me up with slept with me on a first date."

Megan: "And never went out with you again. Not a bright spot on the resumé, Barry."

Barry: "Ouch."

Her cell phone goes off.

Megan: "Uh-oh. I think I need to take this. It's Kate."

Barry: "I wasn't expecting the bail-out call for another hour."

Megan: "Shush."

(into phone)

"Kate. What's going on?"

(switching video)

Kate: "Sorry to interrupt your week-end. We've gotten slammed, and I need you to report for duty."

Megan: "There's nobody else available?"

Kate: "Sorry. This is the third call in the last two hours. I'm out of people."

Megan looks at Barry.

Barry: "I understand. Go ahead."

Megan: "All right, I can take this one. But we're missing out on dinner. Barry will think you're doing this on purpose out of jealousy."

Kate: "Pick up sandwiches on your way in and I'll reimburse. Tell Barry I'll take him to dinner some time to make up for it."

Megan: "OK. See you."

She hangs up the call, they start toward the door.

Megan: "She says she'll buy me dinner to make up for the ruined date. As for you, she likes it when you think she's jealous. Keeps you in line."

Barry: "The pre-date was going so well, too. I had some hopes that the actual date was not going to be a total disaster."

Megan: "Sorry. You know what work can be like."

Barry: "Go. Too bad, though. It would have been a wonderful first date."

Megan: "Pretty cocky. How can you be so sure..."

He once again surprises her with a kiss.

Barry: "Because it would have ended with a kiss like that. Good night."

He leaves.

Megan, softly, watching him leave: "I guess it would have had some good points."

(loudly)

"Lace, the date is canceled, I have to go in to work. I'll see you later."

(end scene)

#note: Season 3 is set to debut. From the sounds of things, the folks in charge of the show have finally learned some lessons. The right amount of danger keeps up the interest a show like this. Respect the characters and make their interactions interesting and believable. A love interest with the right amount of bumps in the road for the relationship keeps people tuned in. And if you are going to have a queen bee like Megan, having somebody who can stand up to her, drive her nuts, and get away with it will help a lot. We'll see how it all works out.


	25. Chapter 25

Scene: Kate's office. She is watching newscast.

TV: "Political insiders have been talking about Medical Examiner Kate Murphy as a possibility for a congressional seat in the next election. That campaign suffered a significant set back today before it really got started. County Commissioner Travers leveled charges of bias and incompetence against the medical examiner's office, citing an incident of improperly handled evidence in a case last year. The commissioner stated that the citizens of Philadelphia cannot afford to have representation by someone with a known history of prejudicial behavior. No response as yet from the Murphy camp."

Kate switches off the TV.

Kate: "Great. I guess I need to have a chat with Ethan..."

She proceeds to the lab. Ethan, Curtis, and Barry are there.

Kate: "Have you guys seen the news today?"

Barry: "Yeah. Samsung has a cool new..."

Kate: "Local news. Commissioner Travers is blasting me for that incident with the evidence last year, Ethan."

Ethan: "Oh, no!"

Kate: "Oh, yes. We'll be lucky if every defense attorney in the state doesn't claim we fudged on the lab work."

Ethan: "Oh, God. You're going to throw me under the bus, aren't you?"

Kate: "Tempting, but no. However, if they raise a big enough stink, I'm not sure I will be able to protect you. You might want to start considering your options."

Ethan: "Oh, God. I'm going to end up in a homeless shelter..."

Barry: "Jeez, Nancy, get a grip. Nobody is going anywhere."

Ethan: "But you heard what she said. I'm in trouble."

Barry: "Every problem contains its own solution."

Kate: "And your solution is to throw platitudes around."

Barry: "Yeah, I got that from an episode of 'Wonder Years'."

Kate: "And you think it applies here because...?"

Barry: "How many times did Ethan make a mistake like this?"

Kate: "Just once. More than that, and he really would be gone."

Barry: "All labs have occasional errors. Is his error rate higher than what you see from other labs?"

Kate: "No, overall, it's better. It's the fact that he deliberately slanted the reporting of the evidence in a certain way that was the issue."

Barry: "Deliberate? How do you know it was deliberate?"

Kate: "It was too simple a mistake to be anything else."

Barry: "That's your interpretation."

Kate: "Yes. And commissioner Travers'."

Barry: "But it is still an interpretation. His intent is not a fact. You can't see it in the evidence."

Kate: "So?"

Barry: "So the only way you can arrive at the conclusion of his guilt is by being guilty of the same prejudice he is accused of. Absent a pattern, you can't find him guilty without being guilty of the exact same thing yourself."

Kate: "Hmmm... I think I need to call a press conference. Ethan, you're buying Barry lunch tomorrow."

Ethan: "I am? Why?"

Kate: "I think he just saved your job."

(end scene)

Scene: Press conference.

Kate: "Thank you all for coming. I want to respond to the charges leveled against the medical examiner's office by Commissioner Travers. First, I want to point out that the work being done by this office is exemplary. We handle a high case load, and received a very high ranking in our last audit. We have never had a case overturned due to improper lab procedures during my tenure, and I intend to keep it that way.

Commissioner Travers has stirred up a controversy with a bias charge. I admit that a mistake was made, but it was caught by another staff member prior to being presented at trial. No evidence was ever presented in court that was false."

Reporter: "What about the bias charge? Are you sure your staff is competent and fair?"

Kate: "The error was a solitary incident, not part of a pattern. I was concerned because it was an uncharacteristically sloppy mistake made by that individual. However, the typical reasons for bias were missing: racial, gender, and so on. I concluded that given a lack of factual evidence, I couldn't convict the individual of malfeasance without being guilty of the same bias myself. It would be silly to fire someone, only to have to turn around and fire myself for the exact same thing, don't you think?"

(she smile at the reporters, who seem won over.)

Kate: "I gave a reprimand for the error, which it merited. There simply was no factual evidence to back up my gut feeling of bias, which was precisely the point I was trying to make. In the ME's office, our job is to follow the evidence without letting our feelings get in the way. We're human, we occasionally make mistakes, but my people have an outstanding record overall."

Reporter: "Isn't it true that a member of your staff shot and killed a civilian recently? Was that person a minority?"

Kate: "It is true that a person was killed by a member of my staff, and that person was a minority. The shooting was thoroughly investigated by the IAD people in the police department, and I have no influence over them whatever. You will have to ask them regarding reasons for clearing my staff member. He received a commendation for it."

Reporter: "Didn't they also recommend a reprimand?"

Kate: "Yes. The reprimand was issued for the appropriation of an officer's weapon."

Reporter: "Minorities are much more likely to be killed by police actions. How can you be sure there was no prejudice involved in that incident?"

Kate: "Because I was there. We were returning from a crime scene when the group of us was attacked without warning from behind by a man with an assault rifle. I can assure you that the likelihood of my demise was much more in my thoughts than the ethnic background of the assailant, whom I never saw until after the incident was over."

Reporter: "And you are sure there was no prejudice involved?"

Kate: "I have no reason to believe it was anything but self-defense. The weapon that was borrowed came from a female minority. She didn't seem to be too worried about it being some sort of ethnic cleansing at the time. She was too busy bleeding from the wound inflicted by the assailant."

Reporter: "You didn't question the actions of your staff member at the time?"

Kate: "No. It was the coolest reaction under fire that I could imagine. I was simply grateful that his quick action saved us all from being killed. I was also busy dealing with the injuries to the female officer. And happy that I had managed not to pee myself from the gunfire."

(reporters laugh)

Reporter: "Do you intend to run for Congress?"

Kate: "I wish to serve the people to the fullest extent of my abilities. Currently, that means running the finest medical examiner's office in the country, and I don't intend to let anything interfere with that. The prospect of higher office is intriguing, but a little premature at this time."

Reporter: "Would you take a tough stance on crime in a congressional race?"

Kate: "At the moment, I take my stand against crime by uncovering evidence. If you'll excuse me, I'd like to get back to that job before you sign me up for another one. Thank you for coming."

(cut to the ME's office, where the staff has been gathered around a TV)

Curtis: "Looks like you won't have to sublet your apartment after all, Ethan."

Ethan: "I know. I'm so relieved."

Curtis: "Why don't you make up for it by doing some useful work?"

Ethan: "I'm on it!"

Megan (to Barry): "That went amazingly well."

Barry: "Kate presented her case well. I think that storm has blown over."

Megan: "The point you made about not being guilty of the same thing yourself really shut up the opposition."

Barry: "That worked out well, didn't it?"

Megan: "Yes. The questions about you came out of left field, though."

Barry: "Well, maybe just short center field..."

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Barry: "I leaked the questions to a friendly reporter."

Megan: "Why would you do that?"

Barry: "It was most likely the next thing Travers was going to blast with. If she has a series of accusations, eventually people just assume that where there's smoke, there's fire. This way, we get all the potential prejudice issues out of the way at once. People will remember there was nothing to them, and that she handled the charges with aplomb."

Megan: "Wow. Remind me that I never want to be on your bad side."

Barry: "I have a bad side?"

Megan: "Yeah. The side with a mouth on it. I hope this is the last we hear from Commissioner Travers."

Barry: "Almost certainly not."

Megan: "What will Kate do?"

Barry: "Rely on her friends to support her."

Megan: "Hate to break this to you, Barry, but we don't have all that much political pull."

Barry: "We're more helpful than you think, and she has some influential friends outside of the office. She'll be fine."

Megan: "Still, I worry about her."

Barry: "She has Megans on her side. Who can stop her?"

Megan: "There is that..."

(end scene)

Scene: A few days later, staff in the ME's office are once again gathered around the TV.

TV: "In political news, a breaking local scandal. There are accusations that a political Super PAC backing county commissioner Travers is involved in money laundering. Super PACs have been widely denounced in many quarters for their lack of accountability, and in this case it seems to have been used not only for dubious political ends, but as a way of laundering money from illegal drug sales. Several million dollars in contributions have been made by convicted drug dealers. Though technically the PAC is not controlled by Travers, it is run by her cousin, and there are a lot of questions today as to why a county commissioner would ever need a 3 million dollar PAC. Calls to the commissioner's office and house went unanswered."

(TV switched off)

Kate: "That certainly seems to be a marvelous stroke of luck for my campaign."

Megan (looking at Barry): "Yes. You are just one lucky woman."

Kate: "Everybody back to work before I'm tempted to start asking questions."

(they file out, Megan and Barry on the way to her office to continue the discussion)

Megan (to Barry): "Kate is certainly a lucky candidate, huh Barry? Her worst political enemy was just vaporized."

Barry: "Yup. Just one lucky gal. Lucky, lucky, lucky."

Megan: "Spill. You loaded the dice."

Barry: "I would never do such a thing as gamble with loaded dice. I'm offended at the implication."

Megan: "You had something to do with this."

Barry: "Well, as you may know, I might happen to have certain contacts with people who have some skills in data analysis..."

Megan: "What did you do?"

Barry: "I did nothing. Certainly I participated in no behavior which could be traced back to this office."

Megan: "But?"

Barry: "But I may have casually mentioned to certain knowledgeable people that Kate's campaign was being smeared by a local politician."

Megan: "So you have a dirty tricks group?"

Barry: "I don't think they would like being referred to in that way. Dirty tricks is when you make a clean politician look dirty. This was just a matter of finding the actual dirt and uncovering it. Travers might avoid jail, but she won't want to be calling any press conferences accusing Kate of anything any time soon."

Megan: "Was Travers really dirty?"

Barry: "At the very least, helping provide cover. It was actually pretty clever. The donations would come in, and the PAC would purchase things like vastly overpriced campaign materials from a business front run by a former gang member. Buying flyers at two bucks each that they made at Kinko's for a nickel, there's a lot of profit margin there. Travers gets the benefit of favorable campaign materials, the gangs get magical clean money."

Megan: "And the timing of this little announcement..."

Barry: "Just happens to be very favorable to Kate. It will be a while before anybody tries another dirty trick on her. This should make any attackers think twice."

Megan: "You really play hardball."

Barry: "Politics is a rough game. You need a big ante, and Megans or better to open."

Megan: "There is something better than Megans?"

Barry: "Of course not. Megans are unbeatable. Not to mention that I happen to know an actual Megan who is pretty hot as well."

Megan: "Better believe it. It's why I didn't run for office myself."

Barry: "Huh?"

Megan: "I choose not to dirty myself with messy political campaigns. I prefer to think of myself as the sort of person who would gain office by the universal acclaim of my devoted subjects."

Barry: "Oh, brother."

Megan: "Silence, knave! Go get me a coffee, two sugars."

Barry: "Why am I going to do this, exactly?"

Megan: "Because you are my devoted subject."

Barry: "I am?"

Megan: "Who wants to have a second opportunity to ask me out."

Barry: "Oh."

Megan: "Get me the coffee."

Barry (sighing, exiting the office): "This is not nearly as good as the way I planned it..."

Megan: "This is way better than the way I planned it..."

(end scene)


	26. Chapter 26

Scene: Barry's work area.

Megan: "Morning, Barry."

Barry: "Hi, Megan. Hey, how come you don't call me New Guy any more? Are you actually starting to like me?"

Megan: "I called some pharmaceutical reps I used to know, back in the day. A lengthy search proved fruitless. Nobody has an anti-Barry agent. We're stuck with you."

Barry: "You asked the wrong people. Don't you have any Clairol at home?"

Megan: "I'm not going to answer that. What does it have to do with you?"

Barry: "They advertise that they can get rid of the Gray..."

Megan: "That is the dumbest joke ever."

Barry: "Oh, come on, it's not even the dumbest beauty products joke. That goes to a buddy of mine whose ancestors came from Krakow."

Megan: "OK, you've got me started, I have to hear this one..."

Barry: "He came to me one day very upset. He thought his wife was trying to get rid of him."

Megan: "Because...?"

Barry: "Because she came home from the drugstore with a bag full of make up and stuff. The bottle that caught his attention was labeled 'Polish Remover'."

Megan: "What? That's 'polish' remover, not 'Polish' remover. Idiot."

Barry: "Yeah, he felt a lot better after I explained that to him."

Megan: "Enough. I admit defeat. You have dumber jokes than I thought you did."

Barry: "A rare victory over the mighty Dr. Hunt. And all it took was a bottle of 'Polish' remover..."

Megan: "I conceded already. Shut up."

Barry: "But I haven't even had a chance to ask you if you were busy this week-end."

Megan: "Keep up the lame attempts at humor and you never will."

Barry: "All right. In all seriousness, or at least all that I have available, would it be convenient for us to get together some time? Since I had promised you dinner."

Megan: "Saturday would work. Lacey will be visiting her grandmother on her birthday."

Barry: "I didn't know it was Joan's birthday. I'll have to drop a card in the mail. Your present is to allow them time together without your scowling demeanor to dampen the festivities?"

Megan: "It's her other grandmother, you jerk. And I don't have a scowling demeanor all the time."

Barry: "Pretty sure you do. I checked the security cams. It's why I think you need to spend a pleasant and low-stress afternoon with a debonair gentleman."

Megan: "Maybe if the debonair gentleman did more to relieve my stress than induce it I might have a better appearance."

Barry: "Do you want to hear my idea for a date, or would you rather dictate the circumstances? Bearing in mind that your track record isn't all that great."

Megan: "OK, smart guy, show me your stuff. You decide."

Barry: "OK. I'll pick you up in the early afternoon. Outdoor venue, so somewhat casual, but choice of skirt or slacks is up to you. I'd advise you not to wear your best shoes."

Megan: "I'm not going to a Little League game."

Barry: "Good, because neither am I."

Megan: "Are you going to tell me where you will take me?"

Barry: "I'd rather let it be a surprise."

Megan: "Have it your way. See you Saturday."

(end scene)

Scene: Philadelphia Zoo, Saturday afternoon. Barry and Megan are in a swan boat on a pond.

Megan: "All right, I have to admit it. This isn't a bad afternoon. Rowing me around a pond in a swan boat is more romantic than I gave you credit for."

Barry: "See, you have a lovely smile. You should take it out of the box more often."

Megan: "Life just gets so complicated, and everything piles up, and being a single parent of a teenager is a handful..."

Barry: "You need to learn to settle for an 'A' once in a while. You don't have to have a perfect score on every test."

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Barry: "Surgeons can't afford to make many mistakes, and medical examiners don't get many, either. Every part of your life doesn't have to be that perfect. Let the dishes pile up in the sink every once in a while, and spend time with Lacey. She'll be out of the house before you know it."

Megan: "That scares me. I'm not ready for her to be out on her own."

Barry: "She's not ready, either. Now is the time for you to help her get ready for what's coming."

Megan: "It was easier when I all I had to worry about was running with scissors. It's a scary world out there."

Barry: "Less scary when she knows you have her back."

Megan: "I'm the one who is scared. Though it's a little less scary because you have my back. And Lacey's."

Barry: "I can put together a pretty formidable team behind me, too."

Megan: "Allowing me to just relax and enjoy the afternoon. Participating in one of my favorite activities: ordering you around. Take me over that way, mate."

Barry: "I'm glad I only paid for an hour."

Megan: "After which we can stroll around the rest of the zoo."

Barry: "All part of my devious plan."

Megan: "Devious plan?"

Barry: "Hang around the zoo long enough, you're bound to see some animals engaging in, shall we say, amorous activities. Makes my date less squeamish later."

Megan: "Forget it, buster. You are such a pig. If you hadn't ruined the mood like that, maybe you would have enjoyed some amorous activities of your own later."

Barry: "Amorous activities of my own is what I was looking to avoid. I was hoping for something more along the lines of 'activities with a beautiful woman.'"

Megan: "Flatterer. Well, if you can put a lid on the rude comments, and the dinner goes well, the beautiful woman might indulge you slightly."

Barry: "I can hardly wait!"

Megan: "I said slightly. It's only our first date. I have to be wooed."

Barry: "I thought that's what the rowing was about."

Megan: "No, that's just to get you too tired out to try anything tonight."

Barry: "Great."

Megan: "Row faster. I might want to go water-skiing."

Barry: "Water-skiing?"

Megan: "Yes. So quit dilly-dallying."

Barry: "I should have gotten a pond with a hill..."

Megan: "Move it, maggot. I want to feel the breeze in my hair."

Barry: "Oh, brother."

Megan: "I wonder if there's a phone app for rowing tempo?"

Barry: "If there is, I know a phone I have to hack."

(end scene.)

Scene: a barbecue and steak joint. Not much in ambiance, but a good local restaurant.

Megan: "I didn't think much of your choice of dining establishments when we walked in. The decor looks like it was stolen from demolished truck stops."

Barry: "Yeah, I know one or two places with better barbecue, but you probably wouldn't let me take you there after dark. The best food at places like this is usually at a converted gas station. This is not quite as good, but it's close. How is your food?"

Megan: "This is the best steak I've had in years. My fries and biscuits are really good, too."

Barry: "Don't get too attached. They fry in lard, and use it in the biscuits as well. Eat this every day and it won't be any mystery for the office to figure out what killed you."

Megan: "Trying to do me in?"

Barry: "Probably wouldn't work. The healthy stuff you and Lacey eat most of the time would foil my evil intentions."

Megan: "I win again."

Barry: "Don't worry, I have plenty of other evil intentions. You'll never foil them all."

Megan (coyly): "Maybe there might be some I don't want to foil..."

Barry: "This begins to sound interesting. "

Megan: "Actually, when you can refrain from your usual obnoxious patter, you are kind of interesting, Barry. Your choice of date venues with both Kate and myself was unconventional, but shrewd."

Barry: "In both cases, I was trying to avoid the splashy, expensive big event and go for something to allow my dates to unwind from the pressures of the office a little. Here you won't spend the entire evening worrying about whether every last piece of attire is straight, or whether the wine you ordered was too expensive or didn't go with the entree."

Megan: "I'm sorry I inflicted those earlier set-ups on you, Barry. You can manage a first date just fine."

Barry: "Most people make the mistake of trying too hard to impress. I prefer something that doesn't magnify every little slip-up into a major disaster."

Megan: "Smart. I might even be warming up to you just a little, Barry."

Barry: "Good. Though you might want to wipe the ketchup off your mouth before I kiss you."

Megan (wiping): "What? Where? Why didn't you tell me?"

Barry: "You got it. I did tell you, and don't worry, no one else has seen the flawless Dr. Hunt looking a little flawed. Pity, though. I could have gotten a lot of money from Curtis and Ethan for a picture of that."

Megan: "Pig. Why do you have to ruin everything?"

Barry: "I don't think the evening is ruined. I found it endearing, which is why I wasn't quicker to tell you. Like the clumsy hot girl in the movies. A flaw like "genocidal megalomania" or "enjoys crushing kittens" is hard to overlook. A cute quirk just makes us like her more."

Megan: "Are you saying you like me?"

Barry: "Well, you cleaned your face up, so we might have missed the moment."

Megan: "Too bad."

She then puts a drop of ketchup on her finger, which she slowly and suggestively licks off.

Barry: "Where did the waiter go? Check please?"

(end scene)


	27. Chapter 27

Scene: Lab area. Barry, Curtis and Ethan.

Barry: "Hi, guys. Whatcha been up to?"

Curtis: "The usual. A little lab analysis here, a little demonic possession there..."

Barry: "Back up. Demonic possession? That's a little harsh. I mean, sure, Dr. Hunt can be a little overbearing at times, but that characterization might be a little much..."

Ethan. "Not her. I don't think. A case we were working on."

Barry: "First you have a zombie, now demons. I'll be on the look-out for a vampire or werewolf for your trifecta. Unfortunately, I left my silver bullets in my other coat. I'll just have to improvise."

(picks up a test tube)

"Expecto Patronum!"

Ethan: "Do you really think you can conjure a Patronus with a test tube? I don't think that will protect you from anything."

Barry: "Too bad. I was going to try 'Accio girlfriend' for you and see if anybody showed up. I would be a little more careful about revealing extensive knowledge of wizarding if I were you, though."

Ethan (defensively): "You started it."

Barry: "I can blame it on my kids, which happens to be true. You're just a geek."

Curtis: "I wish you two would quit messing around. I was nervous enough when we had the case to deal with. I don't need you inviting any Satanic forces in here."

Ethan: "Too late. He's already here."

Barry: "Oooh, a zinger for Ethan. Maybe I'll just go see if I can annoy Dr. Hunt."

Curtis: "Pretty sure you can. The question is whether you'll survive it."

(cut to Barry entering Megan's office)

Barry: "Hello, Megan."

Megan: "Hi, Barry."

Barry: "I just wanted to let you know that I was not being a jerk about not calling you after our date. I knew you were busy with a case."

Megan: "Truth is, I didn't notice."

Barry: "Should my feelings be hurt?"

Megan: "If only it were that easy. I have the distinct impression that takes bazookas or better."

Barry: "I have feelings, you know. Why, I loved my wife so much I nearly told her once."

Megan: "Once?"

Barry: "I get emotional at weddings. Especially my own."

Megan: "What a softie. I should have called you in to work on our case. Curtis and Ethan were kind of jumpy."

Barry: "I heard."

Megan: "Honestly, I got a little weirded out myself."

Barry: "Really?"

Megan: "Do you believe in God? Or the devil?"

Barry: "While I respect a belief in something higher than ourselves, I always thought cases of demonic possession were poor PR for the bad guys."

Megan: "Why?"

Barry: "Confirming the existence of evil powers would just serve to wake people up and getting them thinking about the other side. Not usually a win."

Megan: "True. It got me thinking about it. And I've never been a church-goer."

Barry: "You should have called me to comfort you. I'm not qualified as an exorcist, but I have performed many successful faith healings."

Megan: "I think you just want to lay hands on me. Forget it."

Barry: "Well, my successes weren't actually on people..."

Megan: "What, then?"

Barry: "Computer printers."

Megan: "You healed printers?"

Barry: "Sort of. It used to be that occasionally printers would get stuck in some odd mode and spew garbage if you tried to print foreign characters. Fix is to reset them."

Megan: "What does this have to do with faith healing?"

Barry: "Well, you actually have to leave them turned off for a few seconds to properly reset them. People are never that patient. They can't wait ten seconds for the printer, but they can pester me to come and fix it for them."

Megan: "So you reset a printer. Where does the faith healing part come in?"

Barry: "Well, it was boring just standing there counting 'One Mississippi, two Mississippi.' So I amused myself with something a little more dramatic."

Megan: "Do I want to know?"

Barry: "I would make the sign of the cross over them, saying 'In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.' Then I would lay hands on it, and say 'Be healed, praise Jesus!', turn the printer back on, and be on my way."

Megan: "Just what I needed. A vaguely sacrilegious faith healer."

Barry: "It worked. Just because there was a scientific explanation for what I did doesn't mean you can prove I **wasn't **expelling demons. I have many affidavits from witnesses attesting to the miracles I have performed."

Megan: "Uh huh."

Barry: "I was quite disappointed to find that the Vatican only recognizes miracles performed after the person dies as part of the requirements for sainthood."

Megan: "I'd be happy to arrange the dying part of the requirement..."

Barry: "Gee, thanks. Just so you know, I'm not paying for any dates posthumously."

Megan: "Does that mean you intend to ask me out again?"

Barry: "Does that mean you'd go out with me again?"

Megan: "It wouldn't be totally out of the question."

Barry: "Is there any place in particular you'd like to go? Church, perhaps?"

Megan: "Not for a date. Do they actually let you in the door?"

Barry: "They have really low standards. Peter denied Jesus three times, and he got to be pope. Besides, I've been to confession recently. They have to let me back in. It's policy."

Megan: "You were in confession? That must have really backed up the line. What did you confess to? The Lindbergh kidnapping and everything since?"

Barry (more quietly): "I killed four people in the last year, Megan."

Megan (taken aback somewhat): "Oh. But those were all justified. I don't get it."

Barry: "The technical term is the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, not Confession. However necessary it was to do so, I still took lives. There is a cost to that. This is a way of dealing with that."

Megan: "I'm surprised. I didn't expect this from you."

Barry: "If you were still a surgeon, and you had to perform an operation on terminally ill children that was successful 80% of the time, you would still feel pain for the 20% that didn't make it, wouldn't you? Even though operating was the right call?"

Megan: "Yes."

Barry: "In my life, I have from time to time had to do things I wasn't happy about, even if there was a greater good to be achieved. In order to be effective, I had to find a way to deal with it. How long did it take you to recover from losing a patient?"

Megan: "A long time."

Barry: "There have been occasions where I didn't have that luxury."

Megan: "Does it really help?"

Barry: "Finding forgiveness always helps. Does the good feeling really come from God's grace? I don't know. Not everything is as nice and neat and predictable as your Newtonian physics world view, Megan. Sometimes, we have to live with uncertainty. Heisenberg may have said that."

Megan: "Be that as it may, I'm still pretty certain I don't want to go to church for a date."

Barry: "Really? They have free wine..."

Megan: "Cheapskate."

Barry: "OK, we'll go someplace more secular."

Megan: "Treat me right and just maybe you'll have something more to confess next time you're in church."

Barry: "Maybe I'll start with a bottle of non-sacramental wine."

Megan: "You're learning. We'll talk later. I've got work to do."

Barry: "See you."

(end scene)


	28. Chapter 28

Scene: Gas station/truck stop, fairly late at night. Kate, Barry, Megan and Dan Russell are getting back in the car. This is a return trip from a political event. Barry has a drink and a plastic bag of food. Kate is driving, Dan on the passenger side. Barry is behind Kate, Megan behind Dan.

Megan: "What is that, Barry? Why did you buy some disgusting gas station food when we just came from a political dinner?"

Barry: "Rubber chicken isn't exactly a huge leap forward from truck stops. There were mushrooms in the sauce. I'm allergic, so all I ate was a measly little wilted salad. I'm hungry."

Megan: "I think I'd starve before I ate that stuff."

Barry: "Don't worry, I bought only the locally-sourced, organic, free-range hot dog."

Megan: "Free-range hot dog?"

Barry: "Don't you watch westerns? Driving the dogies across the range, little cocktail weenies scampering to keep up with the herd, playing songs on an Oscar Meyer wiener whistle..."

Megan: "But we live in the city in Pennsylvania, not the open range."

Barry: "So?"

Megan: "You are not on the open range. In fact, you have been 'de-ranged' for as long as I have known you."

Barry: "That's pretty bad."

Megan: "Kate's fault for making me ride in the back with you the entire trip. Kate, are we there yet?"

Kate: "Soon. According to my GPS, this little highway cuts 20 minutes off the trip. Judging from the low quality of humor in the back, every second counts."

Dan: "Yeah. Keep it up, and the DA's office will have to arrange for a proper 'pun'-ishment..."

Kate: "Oh, no. It's contagious. I should have worn a surgical mask."

Megan: "Too late. You thought Marburg was bad? Wait until the infection spreads, and you have a department full of Barrys."

Barry: "How does that compare to a team of Megans?"

Megan: "Less medical expertise, way more disgusting. However, Patient Zero won't be alive to spread the infection if he carelessly spills mustard on my dress."

Kate: "Same goes for up here. These clothes are expensive, and have to be dry-cleaned. I don't even want water on them. No more food and drink in the car on these trips. Slob."

Barry: "OK. Jeez..."

Kate: "It doesn't do my image any good to have campaigners trailing half a truck stop behind them. Shape up or stay home. Nobody is making you attend these events."

Barry: "Um, not strictly true..."

Kate: "What? You know perfectly well I would never use my position to coerce anybody in the office to campaign for me."

Barry: "Not you. Red Leader back here."

Kate: "What?"

Megan: "I might have suggested that it would be a way for us to spend some time together outside of the office. Don't worry, I already regret it. Won't happen again."

Kate: "I didn't say I didn't appreciate it. Just that I won't force anybody to come."

Megan: "After this, neither will I."

Barry (finishing hot dog): "Aw, I thought you twisted my arm because you had romantic notions of us together in the back seat..."

Megan: "Pig. Kate, can't you drive any faster?"

Kate: "Sorry, this road is a little winding. And somebody is tailgating me."

As they approach a bridge, the SUV behind them goes to pass, then veers in front and forces Kate off the road and down an embankment.

Kate: "Aah! Hang on! This is steep!"

They end up in a river. Barry unbuckles his seat-belt, reaches forward and hits the door unlock.

Barry: "Everybody remove their seat-belts."

Kate: "Is everybody OK?"

Barry: "Anybody unconscious, raise your hand so we can treat you."

Megan: "Jerk. Dan, are you OK?"

Dan: "For now. In case it escaped your notice, the car is sinking."

Kate: "What did you do to my door, Barry?"

Barry: "Unlocked all the doors before the wiring shorts out. If you close the air vents it might buy a little extra time."

Kate: "Got it. Can we get out now?"

Barry: "Not yet. The water pressure will make it tough to open the doors, and we don't know who just tried to kill us. Getting out and giving them a clear shot is not recommended."

Megan: "So what do we do, smart guy?"

Barry: "Find your cell phone and call 911. Face your phone down so nobody up there can see it. Kate, I'd kill the headlights and accessories."

Dan: "I've got bars. I'll make the call."

Barry: "Megan, help me find the bag from my snacks."

Megan: "Why? Going to build a raft out of Twinkies?"

Barry: "I don't have enough to build a raft. Good thinking, though. I just want the plastic bag."

Megan: "I don't think it's big enough for a flotation device."

Barry: "No, but it's big enough to hold my cell phone and gun, and keep them dry."

Megan: "Here it is."

Dan: "Emergency services says they have our location and can have a county sheriff out here within 15 minutes. Rescue services might take a little longer."

Barry: "Good. Everybody silence your cell. Last thing we need is for a phone to ring when we're trying to be sneaky. I wish I knew if there was anybody up there."

Cut to bridge. The SUV has stopped in the middle of the bridge. A figure looks into the water, takes out a gun, sees the lights die. No further indications of survival are evident as the car sinks lower in the water.

Back to car.

Kate: "I don't think we can stay in the car the whole 15 minutes. The water is already up past my ankles."

Barry: "It's not too deep here. Less than 15 feet, I'd say. Deep enough to provide cover if anybody up there has a gun, but we won't need a dive team to get out."

Dan: "Kate is right about the rising water. Looks like we'll have to leave the car. Can everybody swim?"

Barry: "Yeah."

Megan: "Sure."

Kate: "Not... not really."

Dan: "Not really?"

Kate: "I only had four lessons, and I didn't like it. Now I'm going to drown if they don't get here in time!"

Barry: "Nobody is going to drown. I'm a certified lifeguard. Or was, once. Pretty sure water hasn't changed that much."

Dan: "Good. You can help Kate, and Megan and I will swim to shore on our own."

Barry: "Bad idea. Swim to shore, you might get shot instead of drowning."

Megan: "Just a ray of sunshine, aren't you, Barry?"

Barry: "Can the folks in front make it back here? We should stay with the car as long as possible, and the air pocket usually forms in the back."

Kate: "I think I can make it back there..."

Barry: "Oh, if the ladies who were concerned about water on their dresses want to remove them and put them in a waterproof bag..."

Megan: "Not happening, pal. You are such a pig."

Barry: "Worth a shot. Also, remove necklaces, bracelets, any jewelry that might catch and get you stuck."

Kate: "OK, I'm in the back now. Dan, can you make it?"

Dan: "It's a little crowded, but better than breathing water."

Barry: "OK, when we get out of the car, stay as deep as you can while we're in the lighted area. Head for the center bridge support. Be as quiet as you can."

Kate: "I'm scared. I don't know if I can do this..."

Barry: "When we get ready to go, take a deep breath and hold it. Grab on to my shirt collar and don't let go. I'll do all the swimming, you just hang on. It will seem like forever, but it will probably only be 30 seconds to a minute. Be quiet if you can. Exhale through your nose and it will be less noisy."

Kate: "You're sure you're a lifeguard?"

Barry: "Yes. There is one thing I remember from the classes that I should mention."

Kate: "What's that?"

Barry: "The rule about not letting a single drowning become a double drowning. Some of the lessons included methods to escape a panicked person who grabs you in a choke hold instead of letting you help them. Kate, grab me too tight around the neck and I won't be shy about a shot to the solar plexus."

Kate: "Got it."

Dan: "I think we're running out of time. There's not much air left."

Barry: "You're right. Everybody ready for this?"

General chorus of 'yes'.

Barry: "Kate, hold on tight to my shirt or shoulders, because I'm going as deep as I can. Everybody take a deep breath on three and we'll open the car doors. 1, 2, 3..."

They open the car doors and swim for it. We see them surface under the bridge. Barry and Megan are fairly quiet, Kate and Dan less so.

Barry (holding on to bridge support, whispering): "Everything OK?"

(everybody has made it)

Barry: "I'll swim to the bank and see if they've left yet. With luck, they took off. Kate, you might as well come with me now, since you haven't let go of me yet. Dan, Megan, the police should be here soon. If shooting starts, just stay down until help arrives."

He angles to the shore, Kate in tow. He gets out of the water and helps Kate get out as well.

Barry (whispering): "Kate. Stay here and try to be quiet."

He takes his gun out of the bag and climbs up the bank, as quietly as a soaking wet person can be. He makes it up the bank, looks around. The SUV has left. Sirens can be heard approaching.

Barry: "OK, Kate, come on up if you can climb the bank in heels. How are you doing down there, Flotsam and Jetsam? Rescue services should be here soon. If you can wait, they'll make sure you don't end up a mile downstream."

Megan: "The water's cold. Tell them to hurry."

Barry: "I'll tell them you and Kate are in wet t-shirts. That ought to hurry things along."

Megan: "Pig."

Barry: "And no fooling around down there. Rescue guys will have searchlights and stuff. Kate's campaign doesn't need cell phone pics of you two in a compromising position after your moonlight swim."

Megan: "Shut up or you're going to have to survive two attempts on your life tonight!"

Megan (more to herself): "That guy is so annoying..."

Dan: "He's deliberately provoking you."

Megan: "Obviously. He lives for that." 

Dan: "I think this time he's making sure you haven't succumbed to hypothermia. He wants you mad to keep you alert until help arrives."

Megan: "Well, if all I need is an annoying jerk to keep me alive, Barry would keep me going until I'm 100."

Barry: "It's getting mighty quiet down there, you two. I said no kissy face."

Megan: "Face it, Barry. The whole 'romantic time in the back seat of the car' thing is a bust. I'm getting a new boyfriend here."

Barry: "Oh. Dan?"

Dan: "What, Barry?"

Barry: "Just wanted to to give you a heads up. Megan came up with the idea to tag along on this little campaign trip. Her track record on planning other dates is pretty bad, too."

Dan: "Thanks for the warning. I'll do all the date planning. Right now, someplace warm sounds good. Where's the limo I called for?"

Barry: "Almost here. Can you guys make it another few minutes?"

Megan: "Sure. Since you abandoned me, I'll just cling to my new guy for body heat."

Dan: "Um..."

Megan: "Hey, he sounded kind of cold himself. Don't you think I should make him mad to keep warm, too?"

Dan: "Just leave me out of the crossfire."

Scene dissolves to the group standing around in blankets with EMTs and police.

Dan: "Since we don't have much evidence to go on, we don't know who was behind this. I'll get security details for all of you."

Kate: "Thanks, Dan."

Dan returns to discussions with police.

Barry: "I'll skip it. The police have better things to do than keep me out of trouble."

Megan: "More like there aren't enough police in the entire state to handle that detail."

Barry: "Harsh. No wonder we broke up."

Megan: "We did?"

Barry: "I won't stand in the way of you and Dan. Maybe I'll just get back together with my former flame, Kate. Since I kept her from drowning, she's probably madly in love with me out of gratitude. Kind of unavoidable, really."

Kate: "Not to sound ungrateful or anything, but.."

Megan: "...but face it, Barry. She'd rather die first."

Barry: "Oh. Hmmm... (considers) I suppose. If she insists..."

Kate: "What?"

Barry: "Necrophilia not really my thing. I can see how a couple of ME's might have developed a certain curiosity..."

Megan: "Ewww. Kate, why in the world did you hire this jerk?"

Kate: "I don't know. Apparently for those occasions on which he comes through for me. Like being able to swim when his supervisor can't. 'Dying first' was a looming possibility."

Megan: "Barry, you are such a suck-up. How many times do you think you can get away with saving people in the department in order to hang on to your job?"

Barry: "I'll go with 'as many times as necessary'."

Kate: "Good answer. I might even sign your paycheck this month. Let's get in the car, I'm freezing."

(Megan looks down.)

Megan: "Hey! Get me a CS tech over here! This looks like a fresh cigarette butt. Bag it and send it to trace!"

A CSU or deputy comes running up and bags it.

The three of them get in the back of a waiting police car. A police officer gets in the front.

Barry: "Back of a squad car, but at least I'm not handcuffed. That's a plus."

Megan: "Really? You're not disappointed?"

Barry: "What?"

Megan: "You've got a threesome here with two beautiful women in the back seat of a car. Knowing you, I figured handcuffs might be your next request."

Barry: "See, Megan, you need to think these things all the way through. I'm not against making out in the back seat of a car, but a police car is not the best choice. They have video cameras."

Megan: "Oh, yeah..."

Barry: "And no disrespect, but the two beautiful women have been in a more desirable state. Given that they currently look like half-drowned rats and smell of river water."

Megan: "Are you saying we stink?"

Barry: "I presume I do, too. Ask our chauffeur."

Officer: "I wasn't going to say anything, ma'am, but I was going to drop the vehicle off to be cleaned afterward. Immediately afterward."

Megan: "I'm insulted."

Barry: "I was going to offer my van as transportation so that you wouldn't have to stink up your nice car. If you want, we could all just go back to my place to clean up with a long, hot shower."

Megan: "No chance, buster. Not happening tonight."

Kate: "She's right. (wicked smile) At least until after the campaign..."

Megan: "Kate!"

(end scene)

Scene: Kate's office, later in the week. Kate, Megan, Barry.

Kate: "I wanted you to know that the investigation into who might have run us off the road has stalled for lack of evidence."

Megan: "They don't have any ideas?"

Barry: "Probably too many ideas. Where to start? Love-crazed stalker, the money launderers who lost their livelihood, Marburg virus sympathizers..."

Megan: "What about trace from the cigarette I found?"

Kate: "No trace, DNA hasn't come back yet. A small sample like that takes longer to process."

Megan: "Tell them it's a priority."

Kate: "It already is. The FBI is interested, too, given my political status."

Megan: "We don't know you were the target, Kate. I bet there's quite a list of people who would like to see Barry dead."

Barry: "Sure, throw that in my face. Watch me laugh when it backfires on you."

Megan: "Backfires?"

Barry: "Megan Hunt, M.D. rockets to the top of that list."

Megan: "Hmm..."

Kate: "That all you've got?"

Megan: "For once, he's right."

Kate: "Nothing like office comaraderie to speed up an investigation. Since you were all in my car, none of you could have have been the driver of the vehicle that ran me off the road. Megan's off the hook, unless she hired a hit on a car she was riding in."

Barry: "She loves me after all. So touching."

Megan: "You're not touching anything, buddy."

Kate: "OK, you two, neither one of you is a suspect. This time. I wanted to let you know that your police detail will be pulled by the end of the week unless we get more information or a credible threat."

Megan: "What am I supposed to do with my daughter? How am I supposed to protect her if I get called in to work?"

Barry: "Just out of curiosity, how were you going to protect her if you're home? Are you suddenly a martial arts master or something? I bet that works great with paresthesia."

Megan: "Shut up. It does prove my point, though. Lacey and I are pretty vulnerable if somebody is out to get us."

Kate: "They've promised an 'increased police presence'. I might get a little extra as a candidate for federal office, but since I haven't formally registered for that, it won't be much."

Megan: "I'm worried about my daughter."

Kate: "Sorry, there isn't a lot I can do."

Barry: "Make up the couch. I'll stay with you and Lacey until the heat is off."

Megan: "No way!"

Kate: "I have to admit, you could do worse."

Megan: "I have an impressionable daughter in the house! I am not having sleepovers with some guy for a few weeks!"

Barry: "It wouldn't have to be every night. Just random evenings so nobody can count on me not being there."

Megan: "Can't I just claim to have committed a felony so we can go into custody? Surely we have a couple of unsolved murders on the shelf."

Kate: "Nice try. As someone who may have helped put some of those folks behind bars, I don't see you being very safe in prison."

Megan: "Shoot. There's got to be something."

Kate: "Unless we get a lead, not much."

Megan: "I'll think about it. But you're not monopolizing the TV with sports!"

Barry: "I've got one of those gizmos at my house that lets me watch my channels somewhere else. I can just dial into that and watch on a laptop if I need to. I won't interrupt your fashion network or soap opera highlights or whatever you want to watch."

Megan: "I like watching those shows where some jerk gets voted off the island every week. For some reason, that resonates."

Barry: "I like the part where one person gets an exemption to being voted off, owing to his superior performance and extensive skill set..."

Megan: "Oh, brother. No exemptions for you! It's my couch. If you stay with Lacey and me, I can vote you off whenever I want."

Barry: "Hmmm... Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Megan: "What do you mean?"

Barry: "Well, if I'm not sleeping on the couch, it could either be like I missed my flight entirely, or I'm using my points to get an upgrade..."

Megan: "No points. No upgrade to my bedroom. Couch or nothing while my daughter is around, buster. I'm going back to work. I'll see you later. And bring your own toothbrush. You're not borrowing mine."

Barry: "OK."

He starts to smile a little deviously as she leaves.

Kate: "OK, what are you up to this time?"

Barry: "Why would you think I'm up to something?"

Kate: "Because you haven't denied it."

Barry: "Well, it did occur to me that if I'm staying in a house with a jumpy, over-protective mother, a little catnip spread around windows or trash cans could attract the neighborhood felines, so we'd have a little extra noise during the night."

Kate: "Sending her running into your arms, no doubt."

Barry: "Possibly."

Kate: "Get out, you evil pervert."

Barry: "You're going to rat me out, huh?"

Kate: "No. I just want plausible deniability. What you and Megan do is your own business. Draw her fire, my life is more pleasant. Get her so riled up that she's mad at everybody, I'll make you pay."

Barry: "Got it. Later, boss."

(end scene)

Scene: Megan's apartment, late at night. Megan is arriving home after having been called in to work. Barry is on the couch, clearly dressed for bed (gym shorts, t-shirt, whatever), watching a televised game.

Megan: "I'm home!"

Barry: "Lacey is in her room. She said studying, but I have a feeling it's more texting than studying."

Megan: "I'll pop my head in and tell her to get some sleep. Then I'll take a shower. I need to get the smell of decomp and formaldehyde off me."

Barry: "OK. Want me to scrub your back?"

Megan: "No! Quit acting like such a pig with my daughter in the house!"

Barry: "Don't you think it helps her emotional development to see her mother acting in a strong and empowered fashion, rebuffing my advances and managing her love life on her own terms?"

Megan: "I'm so tired that argument actually makes sense to me. I need some sleep. Why can't criminals work 9 to 5 like normal people?"

Barry: "Some do. Successful white-collar criminals make a mint. But those crimes rarely involve bodies."

Megan: "I'm in the wrong line of work. Are you staying up?"

Barry: "Until this game is over. It's in California."

Megan: "Thanks for pulling guard duty. See you in the morning."

(Barry watches TV and checks a laptop or tablet. Megan can be heard showering, then shower stops. The doorbell rings.)

Barry: "I'll get it."

(He goes to the front door. Megan comes out in a bathrobe as he opens it. It is Tommy.)

Barry: "May I help you, detective?"

Tommy: "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your evening..."

Barry: "You did so. You knew perfectly well that tonight I was going to demonstrate position 149 in the Kama Sutra to Megan."

Tommy: "I don't even know what that is..."

Megan (to Barry): "Doesn't matter. Not happening. How were you planning to demonstrate a position that involved me in my bed and you on the couch?"

Barry: "Photoshop?"

Tommy: "Trouble in paradise?"

Megan: "No paradise, and only the usual amount of trouble. Maybe less. Barry has been staying over some nights, sleeping on the couch, just to kind of watch out for us a little since we lost our police detail. Anything more than that is pure fantasy on his part."

Barry: "What brings you here this late at night, detective? That parking ticket I got last week was a mistake. I was on official business. You can't arrest me for that."

Tommy: "I'm not here to arrest anybody. Megan, I tried calling your office and was told you'd just left, so I figured you'd still be up. There's some movement on that traffic case of yours."

Megan: "Did they get the DNA result back?"

Tommy: "Yeah. Good job spotting that cigarette. We got a hit off CODIS. It belonged to a member of one of the gangs doing money laundering with our favorite county commissioner. We rounded up a few of them, and found the car that was used to run you guys off the road."

Megan: "That's a relief. Thanks for letting me know, Tommy." 

Tommy: "You're not totally out of the woods yet. Other members of the gang might still try to go after any of the four of you as witnesses. That's why I thought I'd stop by and check up on you."

Barry: "Well, as you can easily see, she is in very good hands."

Megan: "True, I suppose. At any rate, your hands are not the part of you that causes the most concern."

Barry: "Oh? Dare I dream what part of me you actually are interested in?"

Megan: "Sure. It's whatever misfiring neurons are responsible for your delusions. I was a neurosurgeon, remember? I'm sure your disease-riddled pre-frontal cortex would make a fascinating study."

Barry: "If you don't mind, I'd prefer to wait a while before making it available. I use it on occasion."

Megan: "Go back to the couch while I say goodnight to the nice man who stopped by to check up on me and Lacey."

(He exits, she turns back to Tommy.)

Tommy: "Kind of an interesting character. Are you and he...?"

Megan: "Occasionally. We've gone on a couple of dates. Nothing serious. My dating pool is a little limited. Most guys I meet tend to be somewhat lacking in the life signs department."

Tommy: "You met him at work?"

Megan: "His specialty is forensic data recovery. I hadn't had a chance to introduce you, but he knows who you are. One of the other lab rats probably filled him in."

Tommy: "Megan, I can't tell you what to do, but some computer geek wouldn't be my first choice at keeping you safe from gangs. I can come by when I'm not working a shift. You need protection from a real officer, not some video gamer."

Megan: "That's sweet. You might want to ask around about him at the precinct before you assume he can't protect me, though. I think he could give you a pretty good run for your money."

Tommy: "Seriously?"

Megan: "He's a crack shot. He took out three professional assassins a while ago. And he's rigged up a bunch of hidden security cameras around when he thought I wouldn't notice. If you had been a gang member, he likely would have dropped you as you rang the doorbell."

Tommy: "Oh. Fine, I'll leave you two alone then."

Megan: "Don't pout. I'm sure he could use a break if you have any nights free this week. Same deal. Couch only."

Tommy: "You're sure it won't cause any friction?"

Megan: "We're not married. I'm kind of interested, and Lacey thinks the world of him, but it's pretty casual so far."

Tommy: "I wouldn't want to cause a problem."

Megan: "Sure you would, Tommy."

Tommy: "Ah, well..."

Megan: "You're cute when you're flustered."

Tommy: "OK, I have Thursday night free. Would you like me to come over then?"

Megan: "That would be very nice. I'll give my bodyguard the night off. Bear in mind that Mr. Gray has a surveillance background. If you try anything, he will undoubtedly find out."

Tommy: "Understood. I'll see you then."

Megan: "Thank you for stopping by, detective."

(She closes the door behind him as he leaves.)

(end scene)


	29. Chapter 29

Scene: Kate's office, Kate and Megan

Megan: "Here's a couple of the reports you were asking for."

Kate: "Thank you. Are you and Lacey doing OK? I know this whole experience with us being run off the road was a little harrowing. If you need to spend a little extra time with her until things cool down, take it."

Megan: "We're doing pretty well. Repeat this and I'll deny everything, but I've felt a lot better since Barry and Tommy have been spending the night with us."

Kate: "Both of them?"

Megan: "Yeah."

Kate: "You're really broadening your horizons."

Megan: "Not both at the same time. Different guys on different nights, depending on the schedule. Sometimes it is just my mother."

Kate: "Oh. Still, it ought to put a little bounce in your step."

Megan: "No bouncing. They stay on the couch. My bedroom is off limits. I have a daughter to think about."

Kate: "What I'm thinking about is what got you the daughter in the first place."

Megan: "Kate!"

Kate: "I've been getting orders to put my love life on hold until the campaign is over. It gets a little boring."

Megan: "Deal with it."

Kate: "Backing up a little, you did say Barry and Tommy are taking turns on guard duty?"

Megan: "Yes. Only guard duty."

Kate: "Do you think Barry might be willing to spend an occasional night on guard duty at my place?"

Megan: "Weren't you just talking about having to put your love life on hold for the campaign?"

Kate: "Yeah, but if he has already established a track record of being trustworthy in your household, I think it might fly if he stayed with me occasionally. He has behaved himself, hasn't he?"

Megan: "Surprisingly well. I was afraid that he and Tommy might get into it a little, but it has all been good so far."

Kate: "No friction?"

Megan: "No. Kind of too bad. I used to be able to spark a little jealousy. Maybe I'm losing it."

Kate: "I think you've still got it. Despite the frequent flashes of immaturity, those two might have done a little growing up over the years. Enough to avoid a fist fight for a little while."

Megan: "Could be. Or they might be getting old enough that even winning a fight is more painful than they care to deal with."

Kate: "So who would win the fight for your affections?"

Megan: "Huh?"

Kate: "Whether they behave themselves or not, I have a feeling that you've been handicapping winners in your heart."

Megan: "Way too early to be doing that."

Kate: "What's the betting line?"

Megan: "Tommy is starting way behind. We had something once, but once burned, twice shy, you know."

Kate: "Still, I'd imagine it might be easy to fan the embers of the relationship into a flame again."

Megan: "Maybe. Barry has been pretty good to me and Lacey, though."

Kate: "Tommy is the bad boy you have feelings for but can't trust, while Barry is a trustworthy guy, but you don't know if you really have feelings for him."

Megan: "I guess."

Kate: "Well, this should be interesting. If I'm not going to have a love life of my own, I'll just watch your little soap opera."

Megan: "Great. I think I'll get back to work. Find your entertainment elsewhere. Buy a romance novel or something."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab, Barry, Curtis and Ethan.

Curtis: "OK, let me see if I have the story line straight. You saved Dr. Murphy from drowning."

Barry: "Yes. I had significant reservations about the sort of person who might replace her as department head."

Curtis: "Mean-spirited statements like that can come back to haunt a man."

Ethan: "Having saved her butt, do you take advantage of the situation? No, you stay over at Dr. Hunt's apartment a number of times, supposedly to protect her and her daughter."

Barry: "Not just supposedly. Actually."

Ethan: "Then an old boyfriend of Megan's shows up to take a few shifts."

Barry: "Which I'm fine with. Because nothing is going on."

Curtis: "So your next brilliant decision is to add to the volatility of this mixture by then agreeing to stay over at Kate's place from time to time."

Barry: "Again, nothing happening."

Curtis: "Mister, we are going to be searching for your body parts over half the state of New Jersey. Make sure we have current copies of your dental records and a DNA sample on file. You are not getting out of this in one piece. Lots of little bitty pieces scattered in a swamp is how this ends."

Ethan: "We might find one of those. Our cadaver dogs are pretty good. I bet Kate and Megan could do better than a swamp."

Barry: "So what bright idea do you have for hiding my remains?"

Ethan: "I was thinking they could grind you up, and hide some of you in the stomach cavity of other cadavers. Nobody tests every body part. Stuff you in, sew it up, and sneak you out a little at a time."

Barry: "Flawless. I think I'd better get in touch with some of my former work colleagues about checking up on this lab in the event of my sudden disappearance."

Megan walks in.

Megan: "Ethan, we're getting a delivery. Nothing too exciting. A medical patient who died on the table. The family requested an independent autopsy. I'll let you take this one."

Ethan: "OK."

Megan: "Thank you. Nice to see you show up to do something useful, Barry. Where were you during the black-out? Cowering in your basement?"

Barry: "Watching play-off games on TV with my neighbors."

Megan: "How?"

Barry: "Emergency generator hooked in to the gas line. It was installed to make sure the sump pump would keep going in a storm. All my idiot neighbors who faithfully watch 'Doomsday Prep Wars' were eating their melting ice cream by flashlight, so I sponsored the block party with cold beer and TV."

Megan: "So you were partying while we dealt with the crash. What a guy."

Barry: "Hey, I also made space available for people who needed medicines refrigerated."

Megan: "Maybe you weren't a total jerk."

Curtis: "You know, I watch 'Doomsday Prep Wars'."

Barry: "Good for you. You might want to spend more time thinking about how to ride out a short-term emergency, rather than preparing for the total collapse of civilization."

Curtis: "I got the generator fixed."

Barry: "My electrical engineering background is mostly with digital devices, but I might have been able to help you get that done sooner. And I certainly would have told you guys to avoid using the power-sucking elevator."

Megan: "We would have called you, but I can only take one disaster at a time."

Barry: "You're so sweet. By the way, Megan, could I see you for a minute?"

Megan: "Sure."

Barry: "It's kind of private. Can we talk in your office?"

Megan: "Sounds serious. You're not pregnant, are you Barry?"

Barry: "No. My latest flame has been slowing down the physical aspect of our relationship out of concern for her daughter."

Megan: "Poor baby. Anything I can do to make it up to you?"

(they start to head to her office, exiting the lab.)

Barry: "For starters, don't discuss body disposal with Curtis and Ethan. I'll sleep better."

Megan: "I can manage that."

(they enter her office)

Megan: "So, what's on your mind, Barry? Did you want to have a relationship talk?"

Barry: "Not in the office. I haven't seen you in a few days with Tommy taking the overnight shifts, and there was something else I wanted to mention."

Megan: "Is there anything wrong?"

Barry: "No, but I heard from your mother that you have been trying to dig up information on your father's death."

Megan: "What of it?"

Barry: "I know it happened kind of a long time ago..."

Megan: "Are you insinuating anything about my age?"

Barry: "Uh, a mere blink of an eye in the lifespan of a young, vital woman such as yourself, but ancient history as time is measured for cases. A ten-year-old case is ancient, whereas a ten-year-old person is still a kid."

Megan: "As long as we understand each other."

Barry: "The point is, I know it happened before a lot of digital data collection became routine, so I can't just google 'bad guys in Philadelphia' and the year he died, but I still have some pretty good connections with some people who have access to info that the locals might never see. Classified material, non-local bad guys who might have been in town around that time, things like that."

Megan: "I would be very interested in anything relevant."

Barry: "I'll have some people poke around a little. If you come up with any leads you want me to pursue, let me know."

Megan: "Thank you, Barry. You can be nice when you're not annoying the crap out of people."

Barry: "Point for me?"

Megan: "Maybe even a couple of points. You don't ever talk about the work you used to do. Here, you're just another geek in the office. It never hurts to remind me that you have a dark and mysterious past."

Barry: "I'll try to play that up. Since so much was classified, I don't have to own up to the boring parts."

Megan: "Oh, Mr. Bond, surely you led a life of intrigue and suspense."

Barry: "Yeah, and every single body that comes across your table is a suspicious death. Nobody ever dies in an accident or from pneumonia."

Megan: "Are you telling me you had boring days in your life as an international spy?"

Barry: "For every field operative, there were 200 guys doing things like analyzing spy satellite imagery to predict the Soviet wheat harvest."

Megan: "How dull."

Barry: "Reality isn't always as romantic as fantasy. If it would help, I could make up some fake stories and would rev your engine a little."

Megan: "There you go. Work on a story about how you averted World War III or something."

Barry (smiling): "I can't tell you that story, because I actually did do that. Still classified. Have dinner with me sometime, I'll tell you a tale of my daring rescue of the last remaining Romanov heir from the KGB."

Megan: "Works for me."

(end scene)

Scene: Kate's place, late at night/early morning. Barry is sleeping on the couch when an alarm goes off on his laptop. He looks at the screen, then hustles through a hallway and knocks on a bedroom door.

Barry: "Kate! We've got company! Get your rattiest bathrobe and splash on some face cream or something!"

He goes back into the living room and picks up a camera, turns it on.

(outside)

Reporter (in front of camera): "This is investigative reporter Jessica Brady in front of the house of potential congressional candidate Kate Murphy. We received a tip that one of her part-time male employees has been spending the night on multiple occasions recently. Does the medical examiner have a boy toy funded by the taxpayers of this county? Let's find out..."

(She rings the doorbell. Barry answers.)

Barry: "I already have a religion, and I place my Girl Scout cookie order in bulk. Why are you here at this hour?"

Jessica: "Are you Barry Gray?"

Barry: "Hey, aren't you Jessica Brady? From the news? This is so exciting! Let me get a picture!"

(He starts taking pictures every few seconds with the flash on.)

Jessica (trying to ask questions with a flash going off in her face): "Mr. Gray, are you an employee of the county?"

Barry: "Part-time on-call contract employee in the medical examiner's office."

Jessica: "So you work for Dr. Murphy?"

Barry: "From time to time."

Jessica: "That's your car in her driveway? The one that has been there several nights in the past week?"

Barry: "Look, I understand that some of the neighbors don't like the looks of it, but it runs OK."

Jessica: "They're not concerned with how the car looks. They're concerned with how it looks for a candidate... (angrily) Will you get that thing (camera) out of my face?"

Barry: "Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

Jessica: "The people of Philadelphia have a right to know how their tax money is being spent."

Camera guy: "Give it up, Jessica. None of this footage is usable. That flash threw the exposure off."

Jessica: "What?"

Kate (emerging from bedroom area, looking as unsexy as possible): "What's going on out here?"

Barry: "We have visitors from the local news. Perhaps you should put on some tea."

Kate: "It's a little late to be doing interviews, don't you think?"

Jessica: "It's the right time of day to catch you with your taxpayer-funded boy toy."

Barry: "Could you let me know when this airs? If I could link to your newscast calling me a boy toy, it would really juice my profile on those web dating sites. Most guys my age don't get that kind of favorable press."

Kate: "Not my boy toy. As you can clearly see from the untidy appearance of my couch, he hasn't been invited to my bedroom. Mr. Gray volunteered to pull guard duty for a couple of us in the office who were concerned we might be targeted by violent criminals."

Jessica: "Guard duty?"

Kate: "From past experience, I know Mr. Gray is up to the task of dealing with dangerous adversaries. He also spent some nights with Dr. Hunt, and I was assured that there was no impropriety. Dr. Hunt has a teen-age daughter to think of, so I trust her recommendation."

Jessica: "Oh."

Kate: "Mr. Gray is an excellent marksman, keeps a level head in a crisis, and thinks creatively in dealing with threats to me and my department members."

Camera guy: "That stunt with the flash was on purpose!"

Barry: "Yup. Nice try, Jessica. Maybe you could try interviewing her on the issues facing the people of this district, instead of trying to slut-shame a female candidate. When was the last time your station ran a story like this on a guy?"

Jessica: "Um, I don't know..."

Barry: "Juicier story because she's attractive... (sidelong glance) most of the time, and a woman. Leave middle school behind, lady. There is actually room in this city for more than one woman celebrity."

Jessica: "I guess."

Barry: "Why don't you guys pack it in and head back to the station? Unless you think you need a demonstration of the marksmanship Dr. Murphy mentioned. Of course, my eyesight is a little blurry from interrupted sleep. No telling what I might accidentally hit if I miss."

Jessica: "OK, guys, let's go."

(She turns and leaves, trailing a camera crew. Barry and Kate return inside.)

Kate: "That went well. You handled things very well, Mr. Gray."

Barry: "Why, thank you, Dr. Murphy. Sure you don't want me to squeeze off a couple of rounds at the news van?"

Kate: "As enticing as that might be, I think I have to get along with the press if I'm going to further my political career."

Barry: "Darn."

Kate: "Don't pout. You're doing a fine job of protecting me and my interests. I am in your debt. Sometime, I need to be able to repay all the favors. Do you have any dead bodies that need an autopsy?"

Barry: "Are you sure you want an answer to that?"

Kate: "No. Forget I asked."

Barry: "You know, if you're going to be a politician, you're going to need to think these things through."

Kate: "True. It's late, I'm tired. Here's something I don't need to think through: I'm going back to bed, and you may return to the couch."

Barry: "Geez, just when I would have wanted you to disregard consequences..."

Kate (firmly): "Go!"

(end scene)


	30. Chapter 30

Scene: Outdoor crime scene.

Megan: "What have you got for me, Tommy?"

Tommy: "Some mushroom hunters found a body in the woods. Unidentified male. Can you get me an estimate on TOD?"

Megan (examining): "No rigor, so it would have to be at least 2-4 days. Offhand, from the state of decomp, I'd say we're looking at around a week. Any ID?"

Tommy: "No. Face and fingerprints have been burned with some kind of chemical, and teeth have been damaged to where I don't think we will be able to use dental records."

Megan: "Somebody didn't want us to know who this was. Let's get this guy back to the lab and see what we can find."

(cut to lab)

Kate: "What are we looking at for our woodsman?"

Megan: "COD looks to be a single gunshot wound through the ear, exiting through the other side of the skull. No bullet or trace."

Kate: "So we don't have anything yet that could point us toward our killer."

Megan: "Not so far. This doesn't really look like your average domestic argument that got out of hand. If the heavy rain a couple of days ago hadn't washed the dirt out of the gully where this guy was found, he'd still be out there. Do we have any missing persons that match the guy?"

Kate: "Not so far."

Megan: "I'll have Curtis run the DNA. Maybe we'll get a hit off CODIS."

Kate: "Keep me informed."

Megan: "I always do."

Kate: "Yes. Eventually."

(later)

Curtis: "I knew Kate was pretty hot for the DNA analysis on your John Doe, so I decided to try out that new rapid sequencer test unit we have for evaluation."

Kate: "That unit hasn't been formally accepted for use by law enforcement. We can't use the results at trial."

Curtis: "I know, which is why I also sent it through our regular DNA systems to confirm. This was just a preliminary. After all, we're pretty sure our dead guy is a victim, not a perp. I don't think he'll object. But if you don't want to know..."

Kate: "OK, you've made your point. Who is our John Doe?"

Curtis: "According to CODIS, a federal marshal who oversees people in the witness protection program."

Megan: "Yikes. Make sure you cross all the t's and dot all the i's when you run the approved DNA equipment. The feds are going to be all over us when we give them this info."

Curtis: "Will do. I just thought you guys might appreciate a heads up on the ID. Taking out a federal marshal is serious business."

Kate: "I think I'll call Barry in."

Megan: "Why? We don't have any data to analyze."

Kate: "No, but he seems to have certain connections with shadowy types in the feds. I think I'd like him on board when this all hits."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab, next day.

Fed type guy, showing ID: "Dr. Murphy, I'm Victor Cunningham with the federal marshal service. My team is here to claim the body of our field agent you identified. We will be taking over the investigation from here."

Megan: "We're just going to hand everything over to these guys?"

Kate: "In this case, yes. For once, Dr. Hunt, please just cooperate. I'm sure Mr. Cunningham will appreciate having all your autopsy notes and any additional insight you might have gained."

Cunningham: "Yes, ma'am. We're not trying to cause any trouble, but certainly you can understand that there are a number of co-workers who are more than a little determined to catch the killer."

Megan: "We have some expertise of our own, Mr. Cunningham."

Cunningham: "Noted. FYI, the regional office is aware of your reputation. It's why we'd like to review your case notes before we determine whether we should conduct an autopsy of our own. We don't want to duplicate your work and just make a bigger mess of the remains."

Megan (flattered): "Oh. In that case, let me get you my files."

(she exits)

Kate: "That was well handled, Mr. Cunningham. Megan can occasionally be a little prickly."

Cunningham: "That was part of the reputation of which we are aware, Dr. Murphy."

Kate: "You guys are good."

Cunningham: "Thorough, ma'am."

(end scene)

Scene: Lab area, Barry working on some project. His cell phone rings.

Barry: "Hello?"

Chuck: "Hi, Barry. It's Chuck. What the hell are you guys doing up there? The trouble alerts are lighting up like fireworks."

Barry: "What are you talking about, Chuck?"

Chuck: "I made a couple of very discreet inquiries about anybody who might have been around when your friend's father died."

Barry: "It's an old case without much to go on, Chuck. I wasn't expecting much."

Chuck: "Well, you may have gotten more than you bargained for. Turns out there was a Russian crime boss who helped out some of our more secretive agencies regarding a shipment of nuclear materials back in the day. Name of Alexei Andreevich. When he was done, they relocated him and a chunk of his lifetime of ill-gotten gains to the U.S."

Barry: "Taking a guess on where this is going, is there any possibility he landed in Philadelphia?"

Chuck: "The Liberty Bell could have been real high on his list of tourist attractions to visit."

Barry: "So what does this have to do with Megan's father, exactly?"

Chuck: "Andreevich was treated like a witness in the relocation program. He ended up in a house down the block from Megan's family, three months before her father was murdered."

Barry: "That's not good."

Chuck: "Yeah, I have a bad feeling her dad might have somehow overheard something that made this guy nervous. People who were willing to ship nukes didn't feel too bad about rubbing out some random guy who might have figured out who they were. I'm surprised they didn't take out the whole family and burn the house down."

Barry: "You're right. That fits with the fake suicide. Her father must have convinced the guy that nobody else in the family suspected anything, and a suicide with a note wouldn't get investigated as closely as a homicide."

Chuck: "He must have been a pretty fast talker to have gotten that point across."

Barry: "Touching that he managed to do this to save his family."

Chuck: "Yeah. Nobody ever suspected him. He stayed in the same house for several more years."

Barry: "Where is he now?"

Chuck: "Don't know."

Barry: "Don't know? What do you mean, you don't know?"

Chuck: "I mean that when last seen, he was still in Philly. No check-in for a couple of weeks. He might have a mole somewhere, because he hasn't been heard from since I placed my inquiry."

Barry: "You tipped him off? I asked for discreet inquiries, Chuck!"

Chuck: "Not my fault. I just did a quiet database searches. Somebody may have set up a tripwire."

Barry: "We've got to find him."

Chuck: "Not going to be easy, my friend. This guy's in the wind. His handler hasn't been heard from, either."

Barry: "Wait. Was his handler a federal marshal?"

Chuck: "Yeah, why?"

Barry: "Because we just sent a dead one back to his headquarters."

Chuck: "Oooh, that's not good. This guy is more ruthless than the 1920 Red Sox."

Barry: "Chuck..."

Chuck: "OK. This guy looks like he is out to eliminate anybody who can identify him or dig up the dirt."

Barry: "Oh, crap."

Chuck: "What?"

Barry: "Who do you suppose would be next on his suspect list?"

Chuck: "Oh, yeah. Barry, you might want to take a little vacation."

Barry: "Not me. I didn't start this. "

Chuck: "Megan. Hey, Barry..."

Barry: "Megan's mom has been out of town for a few days, so the family was going to get together for dinner tonight at Megan's condo."

Chuck: "Perfect opportunity for a disguised triple homicide."

Barry: "Yeah. I'm out of here. I just hope I can get there in time."

(He exits in a hurry.)

(end scene)

Scene: Megan's condo. Doorbell rings. There is a man outside, holding a satchel.

Alexei: "Dr. Hunt. I was referred to you by some people making inquiries about your father. I have some information you might be interested in."

Megan: "What information do you have?"

Alexei: "May I come in?"

Megan: "Yes, please. What do you know about my father?"

Alexei: "I lived not far from you at the time your father died. I have evidence that it was not what the police thought it was."

Megan: "I have never believed it was really a suicide. My mother sticks by that story, though."

Alexei: "I think your instincts are good."

Megan: "Well, if you have more information, I want my mother to hear it. Come into the kitchen."

Alexei: "Very well."

(They enter the kitchen. Recognition and fear cross Joan's face.)

Joan: "Megan, what is this man doing here?"

Megan: "He says he has information about Dad's death. He doesn't think it was a suicide."

Joan: "I guess he wouldn't."

Alexei: "I believe it was murder."

Joan: "How would you know that?"

Alexei (pulling a gun from the satchel): "Because I was the one who killed him."

Lacey: "Mom!"

Alexei: "Your father received some misdirected mail of mine, and opened it without looking at the name on the front of the envelope. Our house numbers were similar. Unfortunately, he could read Russian well enough to understand who I was."

Megan: "Who are you?"

Alexei: "Now, I am retired person. Formerly, I was businessman in Russia and Ukraine."

Megan: "What kind of business?"

Alexei: "Many kinds. I helped the CIA trace some nuclear material that was for sale, headed for Middle East. In exchange, they brought me to this country. If my whereabouts ever became known, my former associates would have me killed."

Megan: "You killed my father just for knowing where you were?"

Alexei: "Da. I was going to kill entire family, but he convinced me that neither of you knew anything. So I let him commit suicide. He was right, much quieter. But I think he lied to me."

Megan: "Lied? About what?"

Alexei: "I think he told your mother about me."

Megan: "Mother?"

Joan: "He was going to return the papers and pretend he didn't know anything about them. In case anything went wrong, he wanted me to know to protect you."

Megan: "So you lied to me?"

Joan: "It was the only way to protect you. I didn't have the resources to just disappear. I had to go with the suicide story to keep you safe."

Megan: "I can't believe you kept up that lie all these years."

Joan: "You were still in danger if you figured out the real story. And once I started with the lie, I didn't think it would make much difference to find out the truth later."

Megan: "If you had told me the truth, I wouldn't have gone snooping around!"

Alexei: "Which brings me to our next topic."

Joan: "Even after all these years, you would still kill us?"

Alexei: "I am afraid it is necessary. I am old man now; for myself, I might take the risk. But, I have family in this country. Russian criminals have long memories. They would take it out on my family here if they could find them through me."

Megan: "We wouldn't tell anyone."

Alexei: "Just making inquiries was enough to stir up the past. The federal marshal who was my contact started asking me about your father. I have immunity for crimes in Russia, but not for crimes committed here. I cannot afford the publicity of a trial."

Joan: "What are you going to do to us?"

Alexei: "I have a drug which will immobilize you. Then I will damage your furnace so that it produces carbon monoxide. The drug will be out of your system when you die from the CO2. It will look like an unfortunate accident."

Megan: "I won't go along with it."

Alexei: "Then you, and your family will die much more painfully, and the bodies will never be recovered. Do you want your daughter to be tortured to death?"

Megan: "No."

Alexei: "I promise, she will live the longest and have the most pain of anyone."

Lacey: "Mom!"

Megan: "Oh, God..."

(The doorbell rings. Barry is standing outside with flowers.)

Alexei: "Whoever it is, get rid of him."

(Megan answers the door. Alexei stands a short distance behind her, gun to Megan's back. Joan and Lacey are positioned where he can keep an eye on them.)

Megan: "Hello, Barry. Why are you here?"

Barry: "Do I have the wrong night? I thought sure tonight was our date. I was going to take you see that new chick flick that opened. Maybe put you in the mood for something afterward..."

Megan: "Degenerate. I'm sorry, Barry, you have the wrong night. Tonight I was just going to have a quiet evening at home with my mother. She brought an old friend from the neighborhood, um..."

Joan: "Alexei."

Barry: "Pleased to meet you, Alexei. Sorry about the mix-up, Megan. I'll just take my lonely self home. Still, you may as well have these flowers."

(He hands them to her.)

Megan: "Thank you, Barry..."

(He then pushes her down, revealing the gun in Alexei's hand, as well as the one he had hidden in the flowers. Alexei and Barry are now standing face to face, guns drawn. They both fire at each other, point blank range. Barry manages two shots, the second an obvious and immediate kill shot. He is hit himself, however, and goes down. Lacey screams, Megan recovers and goes to Barry.)

Megan: "Mom, call 911! We need an ambulance!"

Megan (to Barry): "Hang on! We'll get you to a trauma center. There's one just 2 miles away."

Barry: "Too late."

Megan: "I'll put pressure on the wound. You'll make it."

Barry: "I won't. It's OK, though. I always wanted to be in Kate's zombie army."

Megan: "You've cheated death before, you can do it again!"

Barry: "I did."

Megan: "What?"

Barry (weakening): "The body count would have been 3, and now it's 2. Totally worth it. I win."

(He lapses into unconsciousness, with Megan holding him. Fade out.)

Scene: Barry's memorial service. Kate, Megan, Joan, Lacey.

Kate: "I'm going to miss him. Not least because several times, he saved my butt."

Joan: "I just wish he could have managed to cheat death one last time."

Megan: "He claimed he did. He said by saving the 3 of us, he reduced the body count from 3 to 2. Said he won."

Kate: "Kind of a costly win."

Megan: "He said it was worth it."

Kate: "No doubt. Still..."

Megan: "What?"

Kate: "During the memorial, I had this eerie feeling he was going to sit up and kiss you or something."

Megan: "He did say he wanted to sign up for your zombie army."

Kate (laughs a little, in spite of herself): "He would. If only I could actually manage it."

Lacey: "I feel guilty that I'm alive and Barry is dead."

Megan: "Honey, I know it's hard, but you can't dwell on that."

Kate: "I got a little news from the pathologist that might make you feel better."

Megan: "I doubt it."

Kate: "After the autopsy, I requested Barry's medical records. He went in a short time ago for some follow-up after the shooting he survived last year. They found pancreatic cancer. The pathologist confirmed it."

Megan: "Oh."

Lacey: "He still might have made it, Mom. He might have lived a long time."

Megan: "He might have, honey, but he also knew the odds weren't very good. Pancreatic has one of the worst prognoses of any kind of cancer."

Kate: "He was kind of a dead man walking already. He probably considered himself a member of my zombie army the way it was."

Lacey: "I'll still miss him."

Joan: "We all will, honey."

Kate: "Curtis and Ethan are having a farewell meal at the office in his honor. We could stop by there."

Megan: "I'm not really hungry."

Kate: "Wait until you see the menu."

Megan: "What?"

Kate: "Mountain Dew and donuts."

Lacey: "Eww. Why would they serve that?"

Megan: "Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

(end scene)

The End.


End file.
